Narcissist Recovery Blog

"I thought we bonded," Did we?

In answer to a question regarding why he no longer thinks his mother is a PD and Did we bond, it felt "to me" that way at times:

They only "appear to bond" to suck you in.

He may have been mildy interested in the childhood stuff at the time because of was all about him and an obvious way to suck you in, no brainer there for him.

The notion that he is disordered and his Mom is a cad is not something he will entertain with you now, why bother, it worked and he got what he wanted for a time.

He will only blame his Mom when it suits him. When she is not being good supply and as soon as she fixes something for him or gives him money, support whatever, she is A Okay is his book. Until the next time she says NO or pisses him off and then she is the "bad one."

Happy Thanksgiving!

It is easy to forget the many blessings we have, which is why Thanksgiving is such an important time to cherish all we have to be grateful for in life. The present truly is a gift to be cherished. An attitude of gratitude can change your life.

When I stop in the moment and ask myself if I'm ok, I realize I'm not starving, I'm not oppressed and I'm not a prisoner of war somewhere. I'm in a safe place and have much to be grateful for in life.

We have to stop allowing ourselves to slip away from the present moment. Did you know that ALL of our anxiety comes from worrying about the future or regretting the past?

This little saying helps me re-focus when I find myself struggling to stay in the moment:

Yesterday is History
Tomorrow, a Mystery
Today is a Gift

Out of options...the struggle with No Contact

“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.”

You are in a fog that is so thick it feels like slogging through peanut butter. Every single step is sticky, like quicksand, like tar...all smeary and dark. You do not know what to do, what to feel, how you will ever find your way out. Again.

Role you, friend, OW play to the PD

PD's are known for black and white thinking.

Some of them like to come across as easy going, a great friend, and person. The truth of the matter is that PD's are quite rigid in their thinking and their actions. They know exactly what they DO or DO NOT want from you. You are either IN or OUT and this can "appear" to change like the wind. This is why it feels so intense to the receiver. When you are IN it is all encompassing and when you are out it feels like you have been hit by a cold front. The contrast can be startling the first time you experience this.

Straight to the Top

Yesterday I climebd a 103 flights of stairs to the top of the Willis Tower ( formerly Known as The Sears Tower)

Yes my Friends 103 miserable flights of stairs..

It was quite an accomplishment for an this Old Chick.. That in itself was a Journey.. I felt Narced all over again..

As I say must start at the begining to get to the end.. The first 15 to 20 flights were the toughest .. Oh my, Im never going to make it.. this is impossible.. around the 43rd floor I sent Happy1 a text.. (I took a picutre of floor number ) "FUCK" .. She is my biggest cheer leader.. "You can do it, keep going" .. UGH.. What did I get myself into?? Pain, sweating, heart racing.. OMG!

And so it begins...Spinning's 12 month ascent from hell

“That which is to give light
Must endure burning.”
---Viktor Frankel

One day you wake up and you’re a skeleton.
You want to paste back on the substance that was you but you can’t find it in the ashes.
You reach in and pull out dust.
This is when you begin to understand that this is somehow the truth you were meant to find as a little girl who just wanted to be loved. This experience, this dance with the devil that scaled you down to the bones happened because it needed to. All of the things that brought you to the dance floor in the first place must be examined, turned over, and illuminated. You so want to find the light. You’ve been lost in the dark for so long...

This is when the little voice whispers, wimpers, mumbles, rumbles.
This is when you rise...

The OW Compliments of Sparrow

I wish i could take credit for this but Sparrow gets a Gold Star for this..

It comes up often so Now we dont need to search for it..

Thank You Sparrow !!

The OW
I felt a need to post this today............with all of the past, present posts regarding the topic of the OW.

Most seem to have an obsession with this woman. This onbession is getting in the way of your healing more so then the issue at hand. I just want to put this out there for you to read, think about, and if you have to, read again and again and again..........

There appears to be much confusion as to: What is a PD?

A PD's behavior often comes across as a series of contraditions and it is often difficult to sort it all out.

A PD is a personality disorder, it is not a choice, and is ingrained into the personality and has become part of the makeup of the person.

We especially as women, are trained to be caregivers, problem solvers, and have big hearts and souls which basically believe that with enough LOVE anything is possible. Just watch a few love stories or Disney movies and everything, no matter how bad, most always has a happy ending and love pervails. Love got Heidi's grandfather off the mountain. Love helped the little girl to walk again. Love cures alcholism, sexual orientation, and changes the bad into good in the movies which we watched when we were kids.

Contact = Pain

I love a beautiful hot summer day.. It's mid August, sun is blazing the waves crashing on Lake Michigan! What day..if this day could be bottled up and saved..

I'm looking hot in my bikini, reading Lisa's book ,drinking a nice glass of lemonade ... Ahhhh Paradise!!

Buzz,Buzz,Buzz..... What's that?? Ugh ..a pesky yellow jacket... Fine, they have a place on the planet too.. I'm going to ignore that darn bug, maybe it will fly away.. I think he wants some of my lemonade ..

Ok .. where was I ... Ok .. the chapter about No Contact...

Buzz,Buzzz.... Ugh, darn Bee.. Ignore,ignore,ignore..... Buzz,Buzzz.. Lisa's book is now a weapon..Swat, Swat..I missed...

Why the Narcissist can Dish it Out, but Can't Take It

This is an excellent article from "Psychology Today" that helps us understand how the narcissist perpetuates his own worst fear - being alone - by the way he responds to the people in his life who care about him the most.

"Blaming and excessively criticizing others to shore up an extraordinarily vulnerable ego--and reacting antagonistically in the face of anything regarded as critical of themselves--they keep others at a distance that renders any true intimacy impossible. The way they "set things up" in relationships, particularly intimate relationships, makes their self-created dilemma unsolvable."

The Airplane Ride

Do you love to travel but hate to fly? Me too…

Did you love a masked man now he's exposed, and you cant let go? Me too..

Many years ago I had a terrible fear of flying, If you know me I love new places, new adventures, getting there was such a stressful mind game.

My trip would be planned for months, Pairs, Hawaii, Rome etc. WOW how exciting, there's one problem. Getting there!!!

The damn airplane ride, its big, carries 100's of people,how is this thing going to fly???

Has the pilot had enough sleep, enough to eat and is sober? God I hope so.

Did the mechanics check to make sure everything is in working order? God I hope so..

Did security check the passengers properly?? God I really hope so…

The Denial System of the Codependent and the Narc

The Narc comes back when supply is low and he needs or wants something.

Tells you new lies. What he thinks you want to hear

He has to, otherwise you will not listen.

He promises to try harder. Never to hurt you like that again.

He can't live without you and will make the necessary changes, after all, you were no prize either is what he hopes you will believe (it takes two mentality). He has changed and will be better and different.

He hopes your time apart has taught you some lessons regarding how to better behave.

He suggests to you, not talk to quite so much about the relationship. After all.....

He's back

He loves you.

Now. Let it be.

He's back. Be happy.

Narc speak:

I'm back!!

As though time has stood still.