Narcissist Recovery Blog

How do you get your "HEART" to understand?

Self Forgiveness; Excellent Important Topic
July 5, 2014 - 7:38am — Goldie
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How do you get your "HEART" to understand?

This is where I struggled the most.

Says it all for me. This is exactly where I had trouble with acceptance.

I got that he was a PD and highly disturbed.

I got that I was used and sucked into his seedy world of sickness and manipulation.

I got that he would never love me in a way which resembled anything healthy.

I got that I could no longer consider him to be a part of my life on any level and that the relationship had been a farce.

Now what?

I was still left with me.

My heart, my feelings of love.

What I felt was real, regardless to what he felt.

"When you are with a Psychopath, you do not stay for the sake of your family; you LEAVE for the sake of your family." ~. Goldie

"When you are with a Psychopath, you do not stay for the sake of your family; you LEAVE for the sake of your family." ~. Goldie

The research regarding a predator shows us that many of them are created, by either, overindulgence or neglect shown to them as children. The overindulged ones generally still have their families of origin for supply and tend to demonstrate as selfish, childish, willful, immature, entitled, demanding, grandiose, and rage full. Similar to a spoiled 2 year old tantruming to have their way. They do what they want when they want it. The King Baby Syndrome.

The neglected, abandoned, and abused ones are an entirely different story. They come looking to take, control, destroy, infiltrate; they eat you up and spit you out.

I found my laughter again

By the time I made it here to the forum I had lost my laughter. That sincere belly laugh was nowhere to be found. The N/P had sucked the last little chuckle out of me.

One day I was acting silly around the Narc and he said: "Why are you acting like that, you never act like that." I froze dead in my tracks and I thought to myself. What is he talking about? I am silly and playful all the time. NOT, I had not been silly and playful for a long time.

The Goldie who enjoyed silly banter, laughting wholeheartedly, and the playful Goldie was lost, missing in action.

This selfish, lying, cheating, stealing, using, drug addicted, manipulative, perverted, blood sucking, dark hole of deception had sucked the life out of me.

What does the Narcissist "feel" when we go No Contact, the Abuse Cycle, Silent Treatment, and will he change if I go NC?

They certainly don't wither in pain like we do.

They feel fear, they may not find someone else to put up with their sorry ass and they contact us initially due to fear of abandonment. Once the dust settles and they regroup, because they feel nothing for us aside from their own contempt and fear of being alone, they begin to contemplate their next move.

Is the Narcissist happy now with the Other Woman? They look happy and I am still miserable.

One thing, a PD is NOT, is HAPPY. He can "seem" happy because he doesn't hurt or feel like we do. He has a built in shut off valve to keep him from experiencing typical highs and lows. They are a flatline with bouts of fear and rage surfacing from time to time.

They do NOT experience joy. He is busting your chops parading the OW around in front of you. When someone "acts" so happy in front of an XGF of 2.5 years you just know that it is an "act."

Seriously, how "in love" can he be if he was spending the weekend with you while supposedly being happy with her. He is not.


Easter is one of my favorite holidays. It is a renewal time; a rebirth. A time to RISE AGAIN.

We all have an opportunity here to move forward on the PATH FORWARD and although it is a long winding road at times. Together we can do what we cannot do alone.

When I came here almost 2 years ago. I was defeated, depressed, and actually questioning myself as to how I was going to make it out of this mess I was in and if I even had the strength to do it this time.

The POWER Professions and "Credibility" Factor

This is in answer to a members comment regarding shock at a Psychologist posting his profile on a dating site.

Dating sites have members of most any profession.

They are not limited to any particular profession. Psychologist's may be just as disturbed as anyone else. Profession has NOTHING to do with someone's mental or emotional state. PD's are evident in all professions. The ministry, medical, education, ect.... As a matter of fact we have many on here who have been involved with such men in such professions.

Exiting the cage...

I hear a story about a behavioral experiment that was conducted in a lab:

There is a dog in a cage. Scientists rig one side of the cage so that every time the dog goes to that side of the cage she will get an electrical shock.

Soon enough, the dog learns to stay on the other side of the cage.

Within a few weeks, the scientists re-wire the cage so that she’ll get shocked on the side she was conditioned to stay on pain-free. As predicted, the dog learns to lay down on the opposite, formerly electrified side of the cage.