Narcissist Recovery Blog

The Origins of "The Path Forward"

I'm re-posting this from the Fall.

Sun, 10/18/2009 - 21:54 — Lisa E. Scott

Monica - "I Won't Back Down" is one of my favorite songs! Great song to run to or work out aggression at a gym.

You have to follow that up with "Running Down a Dream" by Tom Petty as well. Together, they're a very healing combination of songs.

Barbara - Thank you for pointing out my music! (And for coming up with "The Path Forward"!)

Moving Forward

While I do not know what's in store for me, I know one thing. I cannot control the past or the future. Yet, I can control how I respond to both.

I believe that our happiness is not based on what happens to us in life, but instead on how we respond to it. I know some of you may think this sounds cliché, but think about it for a moment, if you will.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all you devoted mothers! You truly are an inspiration and deserve to be celebrated today and every day!!

"By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class."~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."~Agatha Christie

Understanding the Narcissist's Cycle of Idealizing You to Devaluing & Demeaning You

Being in love with a narcissist is a confusing state of affairs, to say the least. In the beginning, a narcissist makes you feel incredibly loved and valued. He appears to be head-over-heels in love with you and worships the ground you walk on. He writes you poetry, takes you out for romantic dinners, and finds all your little quirks endearing and adorable.

Once a narcissist feels he has obtained control of you (through marriage or moving in together), you will see a completely different side of him that you never knew existed. Unfortunately this is the REAL him. Narcissists have often been described as having a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality. Once in control, a narcissist becomes demeaning and cruel.

Great article on John Mayer by Melinda Tankard Reist

In an interview in this month's Playboy, John Mayer says he can't keep his hands off himself. Giving new meaning to narcissism, Mayer says he prefers an intimate night in with his computer to a night out with a real live woman.

Even when he's with a real woman, Mayer confesses he is just using her as a masturbatory aid while porn images and stories run through his head. To Mayer, women are only a means to an end: his own, self-assisted, big bang.

Here's an extract:

MAYER: ...pornography? It's a new synaptic pathway. You wake up in the morning, open a thumbnail page, and it leads to a Pandora's box of visuals. There have probably been days when I saw 300 [naked girls] before I got out of bed.

PLAYBOY: What's your point about porn and relationships?

Grieving the Narcissist

I am often asked how long it will take to get over a narcissist. Grieving the loss of a relationship with a narcissist is not the same as one with a healthy well-adjusted adult. The process has many stages and can only be understood by those who have been through it.

In a typical breakup, we grieve the loss of love, the pain of saying goodbye, the sadness of something wonderful ending, broken promises and halted dreams.

When grieving a narcissist, this pain is compounded by the reality that this person never loved you. He targeted you. He put on an act and hypnotized, brainwashed & manipulated you for a deliberate purpose: to seduce and control you. And it was for a specific reason: to ensure you would be present to stroke HIS ego and cater to HIS needs.

Always Remember WHY the Narcissist Picked Us


I want to bump up this post by Mariline as I believe it is so important we remember why the narcissist chose us. Too often, we are made to feel we should have known better, we were 'stupid', 'naive', 'gullibe' or we were "duped" easily by these narcissistic con-men.

No! We weren't.

I want us all to remember that they targeted us because we are caring, compassionate, intelligent, successful and independent women. We are not weak and naive as some would like to suggest.

A Narcissist Would Rather be Admired by Many than Loved by One

Narcissists hope for love and caring, but feel very uncomfortable if they seem to find it. Being in love makes them feel vulnerable and this terrifies them. They doubt the authenticity of real love and devalue anyone who loves them because they believe that person, like themselves, can never live up to their expectations of perfection.

Narcissists cannot grasp the concept of unconditional love that includes the acceptance of flaws. Love does not sustain them. Instead it feels unsafe. Admiration feels safer because it can be earned through achievements and credentials. Since these are things the narcissist can control, they feel much safer being admired, rather than loved.

White House Party Crashers - Narcissism Unhinged!

Has it really come to this? Really? Does this not prove my point that American society is absolutely out of control right now?! Bravo is currently considering this woman to be on "Real Housewives of Washington, D.C." I'm sorry, but if this person represents the women of our nation's capital, I am moving to Europe!@#?!

Divorcing a Narcissist - Tonight on Blog Talk Radio

Tonight we will discuss the painful process of Divorcing a Narcissist. It seems particularly relevant today in light of Christie Brinkley’s announcement to the press that her ex-husband, Peter Cook, is an extreme narcissist.

Upon settling custodial issues in court today after months of disagreement, Brinkley made a statement to reporters. She said:

“"Google 'Divorcing a narcissist,'. "It will give you a lot of insight into what I've been going through for the past three and a half years.”