PD's are known for black and white thinking.
Some of them like to come across as easy going, a great friend, and person. The truth of the matter is that PD's are quite rigid in their thinking and their actions. They know exactly what they DO or DO NOT want from you. You are either IN or OUT and this can "appear" to change like the wind. This is why it feels so intense to the receiver. When you are IN it is all encompassing and when you are out it feels like you have been hit by a cold front. The contrast can be startling the first time you experience this.
You are either GOOD supply or BAD supply. This does not generally change. Being good or bad supply has NOTHING to do with whether or not they LOVE you, because they don't LOVE, it has to do with what you can do for them or what you bring to the table which they may need. Many newbies on here think it does, or they will change it, but it does not. They may even sleep with someone who is deemed bad supply because you let them and they said, why not? Easy lay, no biggie. Doesn't mean they now think of you as good supply. This holds true to whatever role you have been given. Primary supply, secondary supply, bad supply, ect...GF/OW/friend.
They decide pretty early on in the game as to what category you fit. They love to categorize people. To them you may be marriage material (many of them do marry, if someone will have them, yet you are right, they don't even commit to marriage in the traditional sense) or an easy lay. A slut whore or a sweet caring woman. A good girl or a bad girl; whore/Madonna. Intelligent/not so bright, sexy/frigid, beautiful/plain, classy/trashy, and so on.
Now this is where it gets tricky. When they first meet you and are in the "honeymoon" stage what they say to you has little to do with what they really think, because most Narcs will keep what they really think to either themselves or their male friends, if they have any, Narcs don't have many "real" friends, if any. They may though, have buddies, whom they have known for years.
So what they say to you in the beginning is not necessarily what they actually believe, it is a con, a manipulation designed to lure you in, suck you in, garner great new supply. So they psyche you out and figure out, early in the game, what you NEED to hear and this is what you get. This is one of the reasons that it feels so real because it is designed to feel real to you. Tailor made for you. They can spot your strengths and weakness's from a mile away and feed into them. They are playing you from day one.
When they D&D you they will say just about anything to try to hurt you, get rid of you, or manipulate you into towing the line. What they are saying DOES NOT in the slightest change their initial impressions of you. The D&D is strictly designed to hurt you and punish you for some real or imagined slight or they have OW and you are beginning to get too close to their "secret world." So they will go for your weak area's and slam you down. For example, if it is a given that you are intelligent, you know this, others know this, and they know this, they will not bother with this. Suppose you are insecure regarding your parenting skills, or an aspect of your looks, are jealous of OW, then this is where they will hit hardest in the honeymoon stage as well as the D&D. Whatever it takes to control and manipulate you and of course this holds true for what they do with OW as well. It's all the same game to them.
They are very good at their craft. Therefore what they say during the honeymoon stage is bullshit AND what they say during D&D is also bullshit. Another reason not to take too much stock or give much value to what a PD has to say.
This ALSO holds true for their "female friends" and the "OW." What they have to say to you regarding who and what these people are to them is all along the same vein as everything else they have to say to you. If they are in the HM stage with you, these people are all nothing to them because of course you are the love of their life now and their soul mate, unless they use an occasional comment in order to intentionally evoke jealousy in you to get you "hooked" on them by feeding on your insecurity regarding OW, if they can see that it will work, and if they can see that such a comment would turn you off, you will not get too many of those during HM stage. During D&D it is a crap shoot, they will say whatever set you over the edge. Now, some woman will tell the PD to f off after D&D, if they are not needy, insecure, or addicted to the PD. The ones who are brainwashed will want them all the more, the meaner they become, the more this triggers something inside of that woman to try harder.
So it is all dependent on what will work with you. Treat the whole like a Madonna and the Madonna like a whore. They like to surprise you with unexpected treatment and behaviors to confuse you and keep you on your feet. CONTROL. PD's use people, this is how they operate.
Narc grow bored easily and fear intimacy and the closer you try to get to them the more they will pull away. You may not see any of this at the time. They are always looking for new supply, whether you know this or believe this, it is the nature of a Narc. They can tell you that they want to marry you, you are the love of their life, they have never felt this way before, and begin texting OW, the second they are walking out the door. Some woman do not find out for years that they were being lied to and cheated on the entire time and this often comes from people who swear up and down that THEIR Narc would NEVER do this to them. Don't kid yourself, this is the very nature of what they do and at the crux of their fear of intimacy. It is a knee jerk reaction for them to try and secure new supply when they feel anyone getting too close and seeing as they are master manipulators, you are often the last to know.
So......Narcs decide fairly soon into the games as to what type of supply they are expecting from you. Once they decide, YOU cannot change the role in which you have been assigned. What they say to you means very little to them aside from it's value as a manipulative tool. They view friends, OW, in whatever role they have been given. Some may be a means to someone else they want. Friend of a "friend", someone they want to be with, they may be a fuck buddy, they may be a sounding board for jobs, relationship issue's, whatever, they may even sleep with someone who is a friend who they have no sexual interest in whatsoever because "it just happened." This does not mean that they love them less and you more, because they don't love, it means, that it just happened and they are not good supply, so who gives a shit.
They pursue you because for whatever reason, you were good supply at the time, when they no longer pursue you it's is not because they have fallen out of love with you, because they never loved you in the first place, it is because you are no longer feeding their ego's/needs.
They don't have "better" hookups with the OW, friends, or wives, to them it is ALL supply, this is why it "seems" "looks" complicated, when to the PD there is very little confusion. We get confused, they know exactly what their intentions and desires are with new supply and with you.
We NEVER really change a PD and what their intentions are towards us and others, they CHANGE us, if we allow them to, into filling and fitting into the roles to which we were assigned. You either change, sell your soul to the devil and become what they want or you LEAVE the PD.
Another thing comes to mind, many on here think that they did something wrong and this is why the PD has changed towards them. This could not be further from the truth. The truth is, they did not change, you are simply seeing them without their mask on AND THEY already decided whether they wanted you long term, short term, ect... You are just finding this out when you get D&D, you were not D&D because of what you did, you were D&D because you no longer served a purpose for the PD's master plan.