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Narcissist Recovery Blog

Losing Ourselves in the Narcissist

Lisa E. Scott's picture
Submitted by Lisa E. Scott on Mar 26 - 2PM

I believe the key to our recovery is to find ourselves again. When coming out of a relationship with a Narcissist, the fundamental crux of our problem is that we have lost ourselves in the Narcissist. Trust me, the Narcissist counted on this.

By causing you to doubt and question yourself, the Narcissist ensures you remain dependent on him and lose any sense of identity you once had. The key to getting better is to see the Narcissist for who he is, accept it and find yourself again.

Why a Narcissist will Never Change

Lisa E. Scott's picture
Submitted by Lisa E. Scott on Mar 24 - 10AM

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are rigid and often unaware that their thoughts and behavior patterns are inappropriate. Research indicates they are rarely the ones who come in for treatment. Instead, the spouse, significant other, children, and parents of the personality disordered are the ones who suffer and seek therapy. Narcissists do not typically seek treatment.
Furthermore, personality disorders begin in adolescence or early adulthood and do not change over time.

Narcissist or Sociopath? What's the difference?

Lisa E. Scott's picture
Submitted by Lisa E. Scott on Mar 19 - 2PM

Both the narcissist & the sociopath have absolutely no remorse and no conscience. They both view others as nothing more than objects to be used as a means to an end. However, the way they use others is what differentiates them.

A narcissist demands his sense of self be propped-up by others on a continual basis. This is because he is disconnected from himself and has no sense of self. Without validation and recognition from the outside world, a narcissist feels dead inside.

Why a Narcissist Inevitably Devalues & Discards (D&D) You

Lisa E. Scott's picture
Submitted by Lisa E. Scott on Mar 17 - 10AM

"Women know intuitively when they are being devalued."
~ Robyn Silverman

Being in a relationship with a Narcissist is like being on a roller-coaster ride that never ends. One moment, you feel loved, adored and cherished. The next, you feel devalued, discarded and abused. Narcissists have often been described as having a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality. You never know what kind of mood a Narcissist is going to be in and you certainly never know how he is going to treat you. A Narcissist is unpredictable and unstable. You are always walking on eggshells around him.

What We Can Learn from Charlie Sheen's Narcissism

Lisa E. Scott's picture
Submitted by Lisa E. Scott on Mar 11 - 6AM

My second book, “Surviving a Narcissist” will be coming out in a few weeks. I am frequently asked how to get over a Narcissist. While there is no magic pill, you CAN and you WILL survive. Recovery is possible.

Our forum is full of great ideas and suggestions from members getting over these emotionally abusive partnerships. Based on the collective wisdom of this amazing group, dedicated forum moderators, personal experience and lots of research, I have developed "The Six Steps to Surviving a Narcissist."

The first step in recovery is to understand the pathology of someone who suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Step One: Understand It

We educate ourselves on the personality of a Narcissist. Knowledge is power!

Why Writing is Therapeutic when Recovering from a Narcissist

Lisa E. Scott's picture
Submitted by Lisa E. Scott on Mar 5 - 4AM

Today we now have proof that writing is therapeutic. James Pennebaker, PhD., a psychologist and researcher, has conducted studies that show improvement in immune system functioning and emotional well-being when research participants write about difficult or traumatic events in their lives. When you share your story, you no longer feel alone or isolated. You feel connected and understood.

As humans, we absolutely must process our feelings before we can recover or heal from any painful experience. Until we do this, we remain stuck. This is not only important for our emotional health, but our physical health as well.

Working through Anger When Recovering from a Narcissist

Lisa E. Scott's picture
Submitted by Lisa E. Scott on Mar 4 - 6AM

A recent question came up on our forum this morning, which prompted me to write about anger. When recovering from a toxic relationship, feelings of anger are incredibly intense. The question as to whether you should write him a letter or not to express your anger often comes up.

My answer to this is that you can and should write a letter expressing your anger, but do NOT send it to him. Write it for yourself, but do not share it with him. He will only use it to make you look spiteful and it will give him satisfaction he does not deserve.

Why Narcissists Seek Out Relationships

Lisa E. Scott's picture
Submitted by Lisa E. Scott on Feb 27 - 8PM

I am often asked why someone so self-absorbed and consumed with themselves would have any interest in pursuing a relationship with another person.

What you have to understand is that Narcissists are looking for meaning to fill up their emptiness. A Narcissist disconnects from him/herself as a child. As a result, they have no inner sense of self and need outside validation from others to remind themselves that they exist. They need someone to cater to their needs and fill the enormous void they feel inside.

Why the Narcissist is still a Child

Lisa E. Scott's picture
Submitted by Lisa E. Scott on Feb 22 - 9PM

One of the most well-known theories in psychology is Sigmund Freud’s theory that as children, we pass through different psychosexual stages. According to Freud, if a child is over-indulged or under-indulged in any of these stages, it results in what he calls fixation. Fixation describes an adult who is stuck or attached to an earlier childhood mode of satisfaction.

Perspective is Everything When Recovering from a Narcissist!

Lisa E. Scott's picture
Submitted by Lisa E. Scott on Feb 21 - 2AM

Having any type of contact with our ex while trying to break free will only keep us stuck under their spell. Creating distance is the only way to gain proper perspective and see things as they truly are.

We must break contact in order to really assess the situation. It is this distance that allows us to look at things from the perspective of:

A “player” considering their next move versus a “pawn” waiting to be played.

"You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it.”
~ Albert Einstein

Retrain your Brain

Lisa E. Scott's picture
Submitted by Lisa E. Scott on Feb 19 - 10PM

As a result of the toxic relationship we were in, we were influenced to think illogically and doubt ourselves. We no longer trust our judgment and are experiencing severe anxiety and Cognitive Dissonance. We need to deprogram from our ex and....

Retrain Our Brain

The most important thing to recognize when retraining your brain is that you are currently in a state of major anxiety. It is this anxiety that causes you to remain stuck and unable to focus on anything productive. You must acknowledge that you no longer want to remain in this negative pattern of thinking and will consciously make an effort to break free from it.

Don't be Afraid to Cry

Lisa E. Scott's picture
Submitted by Lisa E. Scott on Feb 19 - 5PM

I noticed some talk on the forum today about crying. Please know there should be absolutely no shame in crying. In fact, it is our body's natural response to pain. It is the body's natural medicine!

It is critical to process our feelings. We should not repress our emotions and must confront our experience. If we do not, we will remain stuck in a state of pain.

"There is no coming to consciousness without pain."
~Carl Jung

I spent many years in this state, which I refer to as my “dark period.” Eckhart Tolle refers to this state of being as the “pain body.” In his groundbreaking book, The Power of Now, he explains how the pain body is actually afraid of the light of consciousness. Its survival is dependent on your unconscious fear of facing the pain that lives in you.