Narcissist Recovery Blog

The emotional abuse that occurs in a relationship with a narcissist is merciless and relentless. Narcissists brainwash their victims. They use several different methods of coercion in order to obtain control over their significant other. They threaten, degrade, shift blame, criticize, manipulate, verbally assault, dominate, blackmail, withdraw, withhold love and affection and gaslight their victims.

Yes, it's completely normal and healthy to start losing friends once you wake up and realize what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship. Once we begin to understand narcissism, we see that not only do we attract narcissistic romantic partners, but friends as well. I have lost more than one friend this past year.

As a result, I've started asking myself why I'm so drawn to these personality types and would like to understand why they’re drawn to me. The first part of this question is a no-brainer. It’s easy to fall for a narcissist. They are very charming, witty and often the life of the party. To spend time with them is intoxicating and exciting. There’s never a dull moment.

As we've discussed, we must process and validate our feelings before we can move on. Repressing our feelings has been shown to negatively affect our physical and emotional health.

We know that stress chemicals are released through emotional tears. Therefore, we should never be afraid to feel sad or cry.

We also should never be afraid to feel angry. Unfortunately, many of us were taught to repress anger, especially women. Anger has a negative connotation because most people associate it with aggression. But in reality, anger is followed by violence only 10 percent of the time, according to Howard Kassinove, PH.D., co-author of Anger Management: The Compete Treatment Guide for Practice.

As humans, we have what is called "Selective Memory," which our mind uses as a way to protect us.

Good memories are vividly clear and much more readily available for recall in our memory than bad memories. As mentioned earlier, bad memories are fragmented, stored in a different part of the brain and not as easily accessible. We tend to obsess about bad memories more because they are unresolved and scattered. They pop into our heads more frequently when we have not sorted out the chaos or made any kind of effort to understand what happened.

Here's why it's so important to write about what you're experiencing:

Today we now have proof that writing is therapeutic. James Pennebaker, PhD., a psychologist and researcher, has conducted studies that show improvement in immune system functioning and emotional well-being when research participants write about difficult or traumatic events in their lives.

As Linda DeSalvo points out in her book, “Writing as a Way of Healing,“ many writers, like Virginia Woolf and Henry Miller describe their work as a form of analysis or therapy. Before treatment was available, many writers used their work in this way.

DeSalvo describes the therapeutic process of writing like this: