Narcissist Recovery Blog

Catching-up on the board, I noticed a discussion about what the Bible says about Narcissism. While I am not a religious person, I am very spiritual. In response to this recent post, I thought I should point out that the Bible refers to Narcissism as Unrighteous Dominion - The Abuse of Power. Here's a copy and paste from my book on this very topic:

This temptation to exercise unrighteous dominion exists in any situation where one is in a position of power or influence. It can occur at school, work, church, your community and in homes and families. A man who practices unrighteous dominion in his home single-handedly destroys the self-esteem of his wife and children. He may not even realize he is abusing his power, but simply knows no other way to behave.

I'm so grateful we found one another and I strongly believe God led us to one another as well. I am not a religious person, but I am very spiritual and I belive in a higher power, a higher energy that makes the sun come up every day. It's our job to tap into that energy that exists within ourselves. We all posess the energy to make the sun come up in our lives every day. Tapping into that energy inside us is something we will help each other do by working the steps and supporting one another.

We cannot delete our memories. Narcissists can, but we can't. Besides, as we already discussed, that's no way to live.

It is because we cannot delete our memories that I know many of us can relate to what Shayna's Mommy said in her post today when she wrote about still having thoughts about him even after many years:

"I was having strong guilt feelings about this, because I thought I should be "over it completely" by now, and if I had a shred of dignity I wouldnt waste any more head space on this creep. But now I know thoughts are just random, you won't stop them, and it doesn't mean I'm still "in love" (gak) or jealous (ewww) or pining (spare me) for him. Its just re-processing the past events in my life, just like other memories I revist from time to time."

We all want to stop thinking about him, right? We want to stop obsessing, but we don't know how. We cannot erase the Narcissist from our brain. It is not possible. However, we can retrain our brain.

You will have thoughts in the future about your ex that you'd rather not have. You cannot control thoughts that come to mind. Memory is memory. Once created, it cannot be erased.

However, the good news is you CAN control HOW you will respond to the thoughts that pop into your head and that is the key to reducing your obsessive thoughts.

I was just re-telling a story to a friend about the last time I went to a Sox game on the south side in the evening. I was there with a guy I had been out with once or twice before. There were four of us - myself, him and his two friends.

I disagreed with something he said. He lost it. No joke, he started yelling and screaming at me in front of his friends. So much so that I literally had to get up and walk away from him because it was so bad. After I pulled myself together in the bathroom and returned, he and his friends had left and I was there alone to find my way back home from the south side.