Narcissist Recovery Blog

Guest Blog by Janie 53 ~ I Am an Ordinary Middle Aged Woman ~ The Other Woman

~ I Am an Ordinary Middle Aged Woman ~ The Other Woman
Posted June 5, 2013 - 11:43am
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I love this .. So I resurfaced it!! Thank you Janie

~ I Am an Ordinary Middle Aged Woman ~
The Other Woman

I have dark brown hair with auburn highlights that I add to disguise both the inevitable and uninvited gray. My eyes are brown with a few specks of green. They are outlined with crows feet and small wrinkles; a result of too much sun and a lot of life. I have a very small gap between my front teeth. My days of going without a bra are long gone. I lost that battle to nursing my babies and the laws of gravity. I'm somewhat athletic and have been told I have nice legs. (At least I used to) I think I'm an ordinary middle aged woman.

Lessons from nature...Predator and prey

“...Man is the only animal for whom his own existence is a problem which he has to solve....”
--Erich Fromm

I’m sitting on my deck watching my newly grouped up ducks peck around the yard. The big, white pekins are gentle; creatures of habit and routine. They listen to my commands, mostly because I’m in charge of the food, but they are perfectly fine on their own, and don’t like to be handled. That’s okay. They are ducks. They are meant to peck around, swim, preen, sleep, and peck around, swim, preen and sleep some more. This is their life. They are happy—that is if ducks can be “happy.” Content, may be the better word. They have their life, they know who they are.



1. a principle or regulation governing conduct, action, procedure, arrangement, etc.: the rules of chess.

We all must follow "RULES"

This forum has rules..

The Government has "LAWS"

We all know what happens if we don't perform at the office !

Even a child's board game has rules!!


We as individuals must set our own life "RULES" here we call them boundries!!
When rules are broken consequences are suffered!!

On This forum we block members who refuse to follow our guidelines, we remove the bad apples!

Something as small as driving thru a red llight, results in a court date and an expensive bill for the violation !

Board games result in an loss and a hurt ego!!

Why is UNDERSTANDING it, often, so difficult?

Why is UNDERSTANDING it, often, so difficult?

Step One: Understanding it (them)

When in a relationship with a PD, trying to figure it out and get to, just WHAT is going on with them, with yourself, and the relationship is often just one big bundle of confusion and pain.

We try to talk it out with them and that doesn't seem to get us anywhere.

We may ask others if they can make any sense of it, many simply say: if you are not happy or he is treating you badly, then just get out of it. Stop seeing him, move on, be done with it, he is not worth it, you deserve better, there are so many other guys out there who may really love you and be good to you.

Sounds good, YET, you may still FEEL or THINK, that there must be some answers, solutions, CURES.

Experiencing Your Rebirth After A Narcissist

“Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself to become a new person.”
~ Gerard Way

There is no doubt getting over a narcissist is a painful experience. I am often asked when the grieving ends. Everyone is different. You can’t put a time frame on the healing process. What I do know is that the longer you avoid your pain, the longer it takes to recover. We must confront our pain and process it in order to heal and move on.


I have noticed many similarities in the Males I work with in recovery from a PD, female. There are volumes of information regarding the empathetic women and how she fits the profile for the Narcissistic male on the prowl for supply, not so much pertaining to the male good guy attracted to the female PD, or the female PD looking to the male good guy for supply.

Denial as a Defense Mechanism When Getting Over a Narcissist

I recently interviewed Dr. Joseph Burgo on my Blog Talk Radio Show regarding his book “Why? Psychological Defense Mechanisms and the Hidden Ways They Shape Our Lives.”

I think Dr. Burgo’s book is helpful for anyone trying to get over a narcissist because it helps us understand why we respond to the emotional trauma and abuse we suffer in this type of relationship. By understanding why we respond the way we do and being accepting of the ways in which we cope, I believe we can learn to break free from the defense mechanisms that prevent us from moving forward and finding the joy in life that we ultimately deserve.

What is a Narcissist? Tell a Sister on Valentine's Day!!!

All month I've been trying to think about what kind of gift I could give you all for Valentine's Day and then it finally hit me, the gift of knowledge is something each one of us can pass on to one another. Knowledge is power!

With that in mind, I wrote this blog in hopes that anyone who reads it will pass it on to a friend or post it on their FB or Twitter feed.

In the spirit of sisterhood, please help us build awareness this Valentine's Day and "Tell a Sister" by sharing this or any of your favorite blogs or posts from our forum with others who would benefit from such knowledge.

What is a narcissist....and are you dating one?

Catfishing and What We Can Learn from the Manti Te'O Scandal about Narcissism

According to Wikipedia:

“In the wake of the Manti Te'o girlfriend scandal, the term "Catfish" has entered common parlance to describe a person who engages someone in a fake relationship online, and the act of perpetrating such a hoax is now known as catfishing.

Catfish is a 2010 American documentary film, directed by Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman, involving a young man being filmed by his brother and friend as he builds a romantic relationship with a young woman on the social networking website Facebook.

Lance Armstrong and the Real 'F' Word...

"I did call her crazy. And I think she'd be OK with me saying this. I'm going to take the liberty to say it. I said, 'Listen, I called you crazy, I called you a b*&%$, I called you all these things, but I never called you fat.' She thought I said (she was) a fat crazy b*&%$. I never said (she was) fat."

This interesting piece of dialogue keeps running through my head like a bad Justin Bieber song...(wait, are there any good Justin Bieber songs?)...

...Okay. Focus here. Don't make it worse.

The above paragraph is a direct quote from Lance Armstrong in response to a question by Oprah in part one of the highly anticipated and very telling interview with the fallen cycling star.

Lance Armstrong's Narcissism

Lance Armstrong....Is He or Isn’t He a Narcissist? That seems to be the million dollar question right now in light of his recent admission on Oprah that he did in fact dope for years, yet threatened and sued anyone who tried to challenge his assertions that he was clean.

The vengeance with which he went after those who challenged him is incomprehensible to me and is what has me exploring his personality right now. I mean, it’s one thing to lie and cheat, but then to go so far as ruin the lives of people who were simply telling the truth is beyond callous to me.

To help us understand his behavior, I will be interviewing Joseph Burgo, PhD. who recently wrote an excellent article in the Atlantic on Lance’s narcissism.