Narcissist Recovery Blog

We draw people to us

When WE have unfinished business.

It's the nature of the energy and power within us.

Did you ever notice how you run into people or hear from them when you either were thinking of them or have a "need" or desire?

It's the same thing when your time with them is "truly" over. I'm not talking about them being with someone else, I'm talking about you being done.

When we are done with someone, finished to our core, there is no longer a need or desire to draw them to us.

I often will see someone I used to know one last time, I'll run into them and we both realize, there's nothing there, nothing left.

I call those encounters, closure encounters. You know you have come full circle.

When with a Narcissist................

Often in the beginning, we feel special, lucky, chosen. Wow, he wants me and he wants me with such vigor. This must be love. Why else would he act so smitten so fast and "make me feel" like I am the center of his universe?

Once you FEEL this, this all encompassing "love" and attention, it's tough to LET GO of it, even years out, when you know there is much much more to the story of the so called, love of my life encounter.

Meanwhile, once HE has you hooked, he pulls back, he lets his hair down and begins to find fault in the very things about you which he claimed were your endearing traits. He may do this subtlety, it may be overt.

Generally in the preening stage, all he wants is YOU, someone like YOU.

Are you in a relationship with a woman obsessed with her image? Is she consumed with her needs to the exclusion of all others? Do you feel you can do nothing right in her eyes no matter what lengths you go to please her? Is it…ALL ABOUT HER…all the time?

If so, you may be in a relationship with a female narcissist. My third book, "Surviving the Female Narcissist - When It’s All About Her” will help you understand the personality of a female narcissist and why a relationship with someone like this will eventually drain, exhaust and confound you.

I have a question for you, what is your truth?

I am asked this question daily, will the narcissist treat the other woman better than me?

What if he did?

What does that mean?

Even if someone prefers to treat someone better than you what does that say about them?

What does that say about you?

Honestly, my x narc could treat the next woman like a queen, a goddess, and it still has nothing to do with me.

I grew up with a father who ignored me (could not see me) and treated my ordinary sister like a queen, goddess, and so on.

For years I could make no sense of this and it hurt my feelings.

"Guard your heart."

This is where the problem lies for us. Still looking for approval, water if you will, from the dry well. This is what got many in the problem in the first place. Looking for approval from our dad's (a normal expectation) and the bf/husband (again, a reasonable want and hope). They didn't have it to give. Not in a way that we found comforting.

Some may have lost their Mom's or they were emotionally absentee or roller coaster in personality.

I have been there. Wanting so badly to receive the support from the men in my life. Yet it was not in the cards.

After feeling the pain and releasing it. Acceptance becomes the key. And a strong resolve to never ever put ourselves in a position to look for approval to that extent outside of ourselves again.