"If you carry the same baggage you had this year into the New Year, your ability to move forward will be weighed down. Drop your bags at the doorstop of the old year, so you can make a change in the new."
~ Eugene Nathaniel Butler
We often upset ourselves as a result of how we choose to RESPOND to life. Most disturbance comes from the belief that we should be able to control others in an attempt to control ourselves. Unfortunately, what we fail to realize is the only person we can control is ourselves.
This new year, instead of focusing on what you cannot change or control, I encourage you to focus your efforts on that which you can control. It is not WHAT HAPPENS to us, but HOW WE RESPOND to it that determines our happiness and success in life.
As my best friend and very wise mother always says:
“Make it a great day or not. The choice is yours!”
We have choices in life, and while we cannot control what happens to us, we can control how we RESPOND to it. It is the choices we make after a setback that determine our destiny.
Once we learn to see the narcissist for the person he/she really is, we are finally able to free ourselves. We realize we do not need this person in our lives to feel whole and complete. We were whole and complete before this person entered our lives and we will be whole and complete once we end our relationship with this person. It is the narcissist who is preventing us from being truly happy. It is so important you understand this.
The only closure you can possibly hope for in a relationship with a narcissist is the knowledge that this person is permanently disordered and disturbed. He/She will never change. You must accept them for who they are and all their limitations or move on and create a new life for yourself.
I believe in creating a new life. We owe it to ourselves. There is no question that we deserve real and authentic love. Life is short. There are people out there capable of genuine love and we deserve nothing less. In order to receive it, we must first be honest with ourselves about the reality of our situation and face the truth. This way we can make ourselves available when the real deal comes along.
Until we accept our situation for what it is, we will never move on. We must distinguish what we can control from what we cannot control. This is very important because it really helps us understand what is within our grasp and what is not. There is no point wasting energy on what we have absolutely no ability to control. Doing this only makes us feel helpless and that is not the case. We have an amazing ability to control our life if we focus on what we can control vs. what we cannot.
Everything outside of our control is something we must let go of so we can put all of our energy into the areas we can control. Identifying the difference between what we can control and what we cannot is absolutely essential. It helps us succeed in life and stay focused.
We must use everything that happens to us as a means for waking up. No one should feel shame for hard times. Suffering is a part of life. It is part of the human condition. The sooner we accept this, the better. Stop avoiding pain and seeking only pleasure. Life consists of both and this is unavoidable.
"Pain and pleasure, like light and darkness, succeed each other."
~ Laurence Stern
As he says in his famous book “Man’s Search for Meaning“:
“Suffering ceases to be suffering the moment it finds a meaning.“
~ Victor Frankl
This couldn’t be more true, in my opinion. I know that had I not experienced what I did, I would not know myself the way I do now. Had certain events not forced me to look deep inside myself for strength, I would still be sleeping through life.
Start discovering the fundamental meaning behind the things we experience!
I love what Frankl says here:
"We can discover meaning in life in three different ways: (1) by creating a work or doing a deed; (2) by experiencing something or encountering someone; and (3) by the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering."
~ Victor Frankl
Struggle toughens the human spirit and strengthens our character. It gives us purpose and direction. Following the path of least resistance in life is a cop-out. It is struggle and pain that leads to transformation.
This idea has changed many people’s attitude towards suffering and I hope it changes yours as well. As you accept this, use it to empower you to discover the real meaning behind your relationship. I truly believe every relationship is meant to teach us something in life. Think about what you learned from this relationship. Things can be better for you not despite your suffering but because of it.
Please do not close yourself off from others because you have been hurt. You were born giving and receiving love and you are still capable of loving in every way that is humanly possible. Embrace your ability to feel love and compassion. It truly is a gift.
I am not a religious person, but I am very spiritual. I believe in a higher power, a higher energy that makes the sun come up every day. It is our responsibility to tap into that energy that exists within us. We all possess the energy to make the sun come up in our lives every day.
When we stop lying to ourselves, accept what we can and cannot control and begin living in the moment, we finally start to live in a state of consciousness that will bring us happiness. It is that simple. It may sound complicated, but it really is not.
Every day is a gift and every day we wake up, we have a choice. A choice about whether we want to tap into our positive energy or wallow in negative energy. Happiness is a choice we all have. Remember, it is not about what happens to us. It is about how we RESPOND to life that matters.
I leave you with one of my favorite quotes:
“When I was five years old, my mom told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” They told me I didn’t understand the assignment. I told them they didn’t understand life.”
~ John Lennon
You hold the power within to cultivate a life of happiness for yourself, but it is up to you to take control and make that happen. It is my hope that The Path Forward provides a means for you to take back control of your life, find yourself again and manifest your dreams. Tap into your innate potential. A whole new world is out there waiting for you. Embrace it! You deserve it!
Happy New Year!!!!