Narcissist Recovery Blog

“You get the help you need the most when you give help...”

Charlie and Monica had been together several months and Monica was still going to dinner with other men on a regular basis. Despite wanting Charlie to put a ring on her finger, Monica did not understand why Charlie had an issue with the fact that she needed to have dinner with other men once or twice a week. She told him if she didn’t continue to see these other men, whom she swore were just friends, she would feel smothered and stifled by him.

Not only did she expect him to accept this without question, but he was never invited to join these dinners. For almost 8 months, Charlie put up with Monica going out to dinner in NYC with other men, most of whom she once dated and were obviously attempting to win her over.

What does it all mean?

NC is something done when one realizes they are in a toxic unhealthy R when used for our purposes here.

It is a choice one makes.

ST is designed to get a reaction out of you as Used clearly described to you.

Every time a narcissist does not choose to engage with you, it is not always either or (ST/NC).

Sometimes it's discard. You are not serving a purpose right now for them.

You are a booty call, cash-cow, social status hit, being used for triangulation purposes or any reason they have. They need an ego boost. Status report; to see if you have new supply. The rules you must follow do not apply to them. They are bored. It varies.

If none if those reasons apply today, you will not hear from them.

Personally I believe:

Some people prefer to see the narc as evil, rather than the truth, which is, they don't give a damn about you, your wants, or your feelings. Using you and not caring about you is not the same thing as evil.

It may FEEL like evil to you because you want more.

I also don't believe too much in ST.

Again. I believe that calling it ST is a comfort to you.

Pretending he is away to punish you, when the reality is most of the time, if the narc is not with you he is doing something else. Narcs require supply.

Sure they may pout for a few, though not nearly as long as you think they do.

Most of them have a big smile on their face as they are texting OW while storming out of your house. That would be a more accurate description of what they do.

This topic comes up frequently as you may imagine it would within a relationship with a Narcissist. Sex is often used as a manipulative and bargaining tool.

I often hear: The sex was the best, the greatest, the most intense, dangerous, thrilling, and of course I also hear the opposite, it was the worst, or a combination of, it was the greatest; now the worst.

What does Great mean, anyway?

Great:

I have had great talks with my son
I have had great walks with my dog
I have had great talks with my fellow Moderators
I have had great laughs over foolish mistakes I have made
I have had great breakthroughs which allow me greater peace of mind
I have had great inspirational moments with members in my support groups
I have great aha moments within my soul