This is how it ends...

#1 "Good morning. Thank you for the pleasant evening. I hope your journey is not too stressful. I am sorry that we have had such problems...

#2 "And I am also sad that you do not want me physically. I understand this. Why would you? I am no longer interesting or cute (in any way) or...

#3 "Anything at all like Timothy Treadwell or Christopher McCandless. My youth and my mystery once held has departed. Now I am just another old, dumb...

#4 "rink rat who was an idiot cop. Oh well. Geez, now I don't want to have sex with me! Anyway, we have had some really fun times. I think so anyway...

#5 "I cannot be in a relationship with someone who does not want to make love with me. It has been an honour and a privilege. May your Gods be with you and...

#6 "and your tribe. Au revoir."

These are the series of text messages that beeped into my phone like automatic rifle fire when I turned it back on after I left my dad's death bed three years ago today. I was on my way back home for a night to take care of things before heading back to my parents' to help my family through this most stressful, emotional and life-changing event.

I had turned my phone off because the destroyer who I'd given six true-believing, benefit of the doubt, fog-filled years of my precious life to had hung up on me earlier. The hangup followed yet another manipulation. The night before, after a 12 day silent treatment and No Contact on my part (thank you Lisa), I succumbed to a text from him despite what I'd learned on this very site. He wanted to get together to "talk about things." Ever since September I had been trying to extricate myself from the hell of our "love" but the timing was always wrong. I made excuses, too. I had no support system. I was alone in the woods. I needed his help with my home and animals while I was helping with my dad, etc. etc. All stuff that made it easy for me to put it off. Because of course easy was preferable at the moment. The emotional strain was unbelievable and the destroyer didn't help. In fact he amped it up. He didn't like that it was no longer All About Him. It frightened him that I was re-uniting with my family. He knew it would make me stronger. He was right.

The evening before he came to my home to talk. I let him in and we exchanged some pleasantries. I was not up for any more emotional turmoil or high drama. I was honest with him and said I couldn't take any more. He wanted to go lay down. He wanted us to lay down together; his cure all for everything; his constant obsession. I didn't want to. I couldn't. I knew too much from reading this site. I did not want to reward his silent treatment with sexual activity. I was exhausted and drained. I told him so, that the tension of my dad's dying process and the sadness of my mom and sisters and I, the high emotions of going through things and watching my dad knowingly let us things that meant stuff to makes me cry to this day thinking about it.

The destroyer said he understood. He said all was fine, it was okay, I was his "baby girl" and "best friend" so it didn't matter. He stroked my forehead and gave it a small kiss. He walked me to my room, tucked me in, said he'd call me in the morning to see what help I needed at the house. He left a note written in pencil on the kitchen counter-- "I love you" it said, with hearts drawn around it.

The next day he does not call. I know it's a set up, that I'm being punished. I am a ball of fuming rage. I call him and am surprised that he answers. His usual MO is immediate silent treatment. But why give me ST when he can amp up the torture...He tells me he's not sure if he's going to help at my house, that he's confused. I am cold. That feeling comes over me again. Duped again! F-ed with again! It wasn't okay, he just pretended it was! In a high pitched voice I didn't even recognize I start to plead...the usual script...

...Click. He hangs up. I scream "I'm F-N DONE!" outloud in the vehicle. I call my sister and clue her in. She'd been urging me to stop the madness for more than a year. I tell her I'm turning off my phone and going NC.

When I turn it back on, the above send-off is what I get.

Lovely, eh? A real gem! By the time I'm fumed enough to call him and unload my rage, I'm shocked to discover he changed his phone number. A few weeks later I learn he left the area. Poof. Gone. Vanished. Disappeared. With a shitload of stuff still at my house...

...This is how it ends with a narc. This is how a PD "soulmate" wraps things up after six years. This is how a hollow woman whose life force has been systematically sucked away wakes up in the midst of a life-changing event and realizes the man she devoted herself to and almost destroyed herself over WAS NEVER EVEN A FRIEND.

A friend doesn't abandon you at the most stressful time in your life...

Don't be that hollow, shell-shocked woman. Get out now. You never "win" their game. You win when you're no contact for good and forever.

Almost 12 months later to the day he returns to the area. by then I'm blistered beyond belief. No good memories. No longing, no desire, no thing, period. I change the script in a big way and he gets the message and vanishes yet again.

Happy Anniversary to Me.

With abounding love and gratitude to Lisa E. Scott, the Mod team and the beautiful souls who land here and share so honestly,

(not) spinning

Dec 21 - 6PM
Silverboundary's picture

Hi spinning

Dec 12 - 10PM
Annjennings1958's picture

Its been 2 months NC for me

Dec 5 - 7PM
BlindNoMore's picture

A soulmate that was never a

Nov 18 - 8PM
Better Now
Better Now's picture

Thank You (not) spinning

Nov 17 - 7PM
fallingforward5's picture

Happy Anniversary!!!

Nov 12 - 12AM
kath55's picture


Nov 11 - 3PM
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Lovely, in the middle of the

Nov 8 - 8AM
Laci423's picture

(not) spinning

Nov 8 - 8AM
Dallas's picture

Happy anniversary to you (not)spinning!

Nov 7 - 8PM
Taralynn's picture

Dear (not) spinning

Nov 7 - 7PM
Fellforaclown's picture

Not spinning anymore!

Nov 7 - 1PM
pumpkinpie's picture


Nov 7 - 11AM
zeldasar's picture

Sending hugs and love

Nov 7 - 8AM
Used's picture


Nov 6 - 11PM
ZanShin's picture

Thank you

Nov 6 - 9PM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Dear Spinning

Nov 6 - 6PM
Brit's picture

Happy anniversary dearest

Nov 6 - 5PM
Juliette's picture

The amazing thing about this site...

Nov 6 - 4PM
FreeMe's picture

Dear, dear Spinning....

Nov 6 - 4PM
Hunter's picture

Love you spinning, I remember

Nov 6 - 5PM (Reply to #4)
Goldie's picture

Amen, same here

Nov 6 - 4PM
outoftheashes's picture

Said the same thing

Nov 6 - 4PM
talktothehand's picture

this is how it begins

Nov 6 - 3PM
Journey's picture

This brought a tear to my

Journey on...