Narcissist Recovery Blog

Time heals all wounds. At least, that’s what they tell you when you mention that you’ve been dumped recently (along with giving you that look).

But, does time really heal the wound that’s been brought to you by a break up or divorce?

I think that this is a common misunderstanding. Time would not heal anything if it didn’t force you to go through a certain process.

Time is the medium, the healing is done by you.

Time does heal to a certain degree, but the wounds are not healed effectively, let alone completely, if you don’t contribute anything to the healing process yourself.

Time makes you forget, but your problems are still there. Hidden, but present.

Conscious Healing

Great post, NinjaGirl. I cannot speak highly enough about the healing power of exercise!

I have become addicted to the endorphin rush of working out. Without it, I get crabby.

Working out while in recovery is hard to do because it is the last thing you feel like doing. However, I have found certain exercise can help you channel your anger. Kickboxing is a great exercise for this purpose. My kickboxing instructor used to say:

"I love watching Lisa kickbox because it's so obvious she has a very specific target in mind when she is kicking and punching."

And he was right. I did! I was getting over my EXN and to picture him as a target when I hit helped incredibly with my anger.

More great member advice! This one is from Baddream:

I have spent hours and days reading some of the posts on the Psych forum, especially some of the very frank replies by the narcissists. It has taken me all these hours and all these years to really, truly fully understand what motivates them, every day, every hour, every second of their life.

With this understanding also comes the realization that there is absolutely nothing that I could ever do to make him change. Many of us continue to hope perhaps he will someday realize what he has lost, get help, change his ways, and come back to us as the man we first met once upon a time.

What is Hoovering?
Posted by Sarahb
6/28/10
from
http://www.bpd411.org/hoover.html

The Hoover maneuver is named after the famous vacuum cleaner. In the language of our community, it describes behavior common among [abusers] and those who have borderline traits. It occurs most often when a victim threatens to leave, or actually leaves, a relationship. The intent of the hoover is to get the victim back into the relationship. This behavior has its roots in the intense fear of being alone or being abandoned that is often at the very core of the abuser's sense of self.

I'm glad this post resonated with some of you. It's so important not to run from our feelings, but to process them. If we run, hide from them or numb them, they will only come back to haunt us later in life.

The next time you encounter fear, consider yourself lucky. This is where courage comes in. People think brave people feel no fear. The truth is they are intimate with fear.

Fear is a universal experience. It is part of being alive. Something we all share. Fear is a natrual reaction to moving closer to the truth. If we commit ourselves to feeling our emotions and staying right where we are, our experience becomes vivid. Things become very clear when we don't try to escape or run from them. Clarity provides direction.