The Path Forward Forum

Ladies, I am 100% done. As God as my witness. Today I got his number blocked and am fililng for divorce next week.

He called to tell me that he is leaving for Europe last night with a bunch of guys from the gym that I've never met to "relax." What????? And he's been on MY BACK DAILY for money!! But he can afford to fly to Europe?? I'm sure it's to get prostitutes and do coke. When I expressed concern (as we are very, newly separated) he said, "Quit grilling me! Why can't you just be happy for me for once?!"

...to help in your healing process?

I'm giving myself permission to heal and not worry about time frames in doing so.

I went for a walk after work (I moved~!)for the first time in weeks. The weather was perfect.

I went another day without the temptation to contact him, and feel better each time.

I read this website and others lots, and have purchased some awesome reading materials which have been pretty enlightening to say the least. I'm definitely feeling calmer, and it's good to know I'm not the crazy lady he tried to make me out to be.

I was working on something completely unrelated (honest!) and came across these 3 posts by my favorite writer on Narcs, the late Kathy Krajco. They are too good not to share.

http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2008/02/welcome-to-narcissists-world.html

http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2008/02/welcome-to-narcissists-world-par...

By Diane England, Ph.D.

When you said your vows, what were you expecting? I suspect if you were like most women, you thought you were entering a partnership. You would enjoy shared power, right?

I bet you’ve discovered something quite different, though. I bet he likes to have power over you, isn’t that so? And to ensure he achieves and maintains this, he might well use emotional abuse, verbal abuse, economic abuse, and even sexual abuse, too.

I finally spoke with my N husband today..after ignoring calls, crying, feeling abandoned, etc..I made a call to him today afer I received yet another text message, "I need the garage door opener!" He has asked for the garage door opener in every text he has sent me since the separation, nothing else....well the taxes and garage door opener. It's comical.

Take it from me. I learned the hard way. My N and I were engaged when I broke up with him the first time. I called off the wedding after countless episodes of abuse, porn, his using cocaine, never wanting to see me, cruel treatment, lying, name calling, physical violence, etc. He was very happy that I called off the wedding and felt free and said "I was a piano on his back." He didn't try to work things out. I called off the wedding and moved to LA, 3,000 miles away...to get as far away from him as possible. I live on the east coast.

Some of you will like this:

excerpt:

Perhaps the emotional blackmailer is the worst because at least with the patronising mind f**ker you KNOW s/he is being a bastard, you just can't put your finger on it. Emotional blackmailers, once they have sucked you into their web of control, don't irritate you - they worry you, stress you out, make you feel guilty and try to suck the life blood out of you.

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/blackmail.shtml

I have been spying on my N. lol

Basically, he acts as tho he is so amazing and all women want him.
He use to be a huge player, had all different whores around. (bottom of the barrel girls).
Then we started dating and it all stopped. Not sure why, I guess the depression he is in, is affecting his self esteem.

He is going to be 31, and has just started to realize he has accomplished NOTHING!! No steady job, his son is 10 and failing at school, he is hitting rock bottom. I have been threw his email...facebook and his phone. There is NOTHING! He keeps everything and erases nothing, obviously so he can go back and read it when he's down and out. Why has the player attitude disappeared? Is this common when an N hits depression?

Hope this helps someone.

excerpt:

The person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

* Lacks the ability to empathize. They can fake it on and off, but if you have enough exposure to the person, eventually you will see this pattern clearly. They may show zero emotion when hearing news of, for example, deep suffering of huge numbers of people.

* Loves attention, even bad attention.

* As psychiatrist Thom Hartmann says, they "Kiss up and Kick Down", meaning they are incapable of having truly healthy relationships. They regard other humans as a kind of resource to be used for their own ends. People they have relationships with become part of their "pyramid marketing scheme downline".

So I've been to see a therapist once and I go back tomorrow. I'm a little worried about the fact that she didn't seem to understand what happened to me. For instance, I remember her saying, "maybe you were the storm in his life for the past three years."

Now, I didn't go through a lot of what you all went through. I think he cheated on me off and on for a while. He did invite another woman to Hawaii to visit him during a port call while we were engaged and he did urge me to move to Guam where he was supposed to go.

BUT: he certainly never hit me and really seldom was angry at me (exasperated sometimes and critical sometimes). He helped look out for me after I had a bad car accident (pushed me around the grocery store in a wheelchair) and could be very sweet to me.