I don't know WHY it's so bad right now, but I miiiiiisssss him! Sometimes I wish we'd had a hellacious breakup so I wouldn't feel like this. I want to talk to him.
I've posted this, so now I can't, because it would be too embarrassing to have to admit later. But I want to. :-( We were still friends when I walked away, and I miss it so much.
, This is for all of you. It seems we've all been posting so much lately it's hard
to remember which post to respond.
I just wanted to say thanks everyone for your support. And thanks Barabara for all of your links and ideas. You will be a Great Coach. I am following your legal advice. And everyone elses' thoughts and stories. CM
P.S. Lisa.....Congratulations on finishing your CD!!! Kudos to you; can't wait to get it!
I had suscribed to an email notification of all the new posts in a blog I am following.
Today I checked. There were new posts-I never got the notifications.
I have learned now. These are THE signs.....He is again in my email.
Again. For the third time. For the ones of you who know my story....the third time.
But I do not want to become paranoid because of him. Even if he closes everything once again. Even if he blocks again my email account and my facebook account. I will not allow him to steal me again anything.
And now I leave you with the excerpts from the blog I was talking about. Read these words and learn them.
My alleged "N" also has disarmed my three attempts to leave the marriage, successfully by planting self doubt about whether it was good for the kids to break apart the family. Then telling me I would ruin them FOREVER and how selfish I was for even thinking I should leave. Did he stand infront of the door? No. Take away my car keys? No (although he has ripped, I mean RIPPED things out of my hands before when he insists HE do something, I say "no, fine ive got it" he will rip or take whatever it is Im holding, phone, keys, etc. and do it himself as if to say "YOU WILL OBEY ME." ) gross.
by Roger Melton, M.A., L.M.F.T., CEAP (Retired)
Love is a two-way street when two people know how to give it and receive it. But to Controllers, it's a dead-end freeway.
Love, to them, is simply a means to an end. It is a vulnerability to be exploited. Obedience equals love in their minds, and each type of Controller seeks to achieve his version of "love" in a way tailored to his style of control. The Sadist's version of "loving" control is as distinct as a tarantula crawling across an angel-food cake. Love, to him, is the terror in his victim's eyes.
by Roger Melton, M.A., L.M.F.T., CEAP (Retired)
At his core, every Controller is monumentally self-centered. He is not just on an ego trip. He is on an expedition.
In his mind, everyone orbits around him, as if people are his planets and he is their shining sun. What he wants he should have, simply because he wants it. He needs no other justification. Seeing himself as the center of everyone else's universe, he is blind to the fact that anyone else's wants or needs are more important than his own. Doggedly locked into this self-image of grand, "godlike" proportions, he may literally feel entitled to other's worship.
Hello to All,
SO many of the characteristics of Ns fit my husband to a "T" and yet, others do not.
One thing that remains constant is that I have been raped of my former self, and Im in constant question of my own judgement. This is a red flag for me for sure.
However, since I cant attribute all of the characteristics of what Im ready to my spouse, it confuses me further. I even have a problem deciphering whether he is a cerebral vs. somatic N...he has half the characteristics of EACH and is lacking half of each...HELP.
by Laura K.
Another N-survivor recently pointed me to a book called, Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity written by Marie-France Hirigoyen, from which I offer some excerpts below.
Hirigoyen is a Victimologist. When I saw this neologism I first thought, oh brother another "ism." But Victimology is a legitimate and important branch of psychology and criminology that is widely recognized and respected. Hirigoyen recommends that anyone dealing with survivors study victimology. She specifically mentions lawyers. "A degree in victimology can be of particular interest to professionals in the field of helping victims: emergency-trained doctors, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, and lawyers." (Hirigoyen p. 9)
by Dr. Jeanne King
Why do domestic abuse victims see the abuse dynamic in their home, but fail to recognize it in their divorce proceedings?
The answer to this question is the same answer to the question, "Why doesn't she awaken to the abuse in her home?" You know the answer: she is part of the very dynamic for which she seeks remedy.
Here are some common and deadly mistakes victims of domestic violence make as they navigate the system en route to divorce closure and protection from abuse.
1) Failure to recognize the possibility (much less the reality) of the abuse dynamic between themselves and their own attorneys.
2) Failure to realize how their divorce lawyer's fees will be paid after the initial retainer runs out.
I've been having a couple of very bad days due to misc. happenings. Bottom line, believe it or Not, I am still wanting to call him and say "this is ridiculous, why can't we settle out of court? What have I done to deserve this?" I DO want to save the court money which my attorneys will lap up like milk to a kitten. If I am COMPLETELY honest I will say I want him to say "I'm sorry". Yeah....I know....For those of you who have been hurting let me tell you. as others have, it takes a long time. You Do get better. Yes. You do still have hard times, e.g., this for me.