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Working the Steps?

Hello and welcome to The Path Forward. My name is Goldie and I am the forum's lead moderator. I am available to assist you with the 6 Steps of recovery from a relationship with a Narcissist. This process is often painful and many are left with unanswered questions and a sense of "What just hit me?" "How can I be feeling this badly when I was "so loved" in the beginning?" and "How can I get my life back on track and recover from this confusing, painful ordeal?"

You must remember you have done nothing wrong, but believe in the good nature of another person. Unfortunately, this person has shown their true colors and you are now left with many questions. This section of the forum is devoted to answering your questions because we know you have many.

Here we will talk about what it means to be "Working the Steps" and the different recovery tools we find helpful in healing from a relationship with a Narcissist. Allowing yourself to process and feel your emotions through creative outlets as well as writing your "Goodbye Letter" are important aspects of the 6 Step Recovery process we believe with help you on the path forward. Please post your questions here and I will respond. Many of the questions which you have will also be helpful to other members. We are glad you found our community of support and can assure you that being here is the first step on the Path Forward.

Members, submit your question to Goldie!

Triangulation and other sources of N Supply

juliacatherine's picture
Submitted by juliacatherine on Jul 21 - 11AM

Is it normal for N to use his sister as the OW? I feel his siter viewed me as OW and they had a very abnormal co-dependant relationship where he could do no wrong in her eyes and she was very jealous of the time N spent with myself and my daughter. She called him multiple times a day needing "help" with situations or somethiing "fixed" around the house. Tried to guilt him with familial obligations and make him feel bad about the time he spent with me and my daughter. He lived in Arizona and I live in MA and so does his family so whenever he came home to visit me, it was a competition.

feedback is SO welcome

tryingtorecover's picture
Submitted by tryingtorecover on Jul 13 - 8PM

So excited to be on here!!!

haven't talked to my x-narc in over a year and a half. haven't seen him in about five months. last weekend, he called me from his work number asking for his kids. I said, "i am sorry you have the wrong number." When i realized who it was I immediately began to cry. Then i went insane. I didn't say anything to him...nor did i reach back out to him. Why would he call...asking for his kids to me on my phone. Should i be prepared for this to happen again since he did'nt get any response from me?

How do you find out if the NC is cheating?

jay_blue's picture
Submitted by jay_blue on Jul 9 - 10PM

Are there any red flags or signs for realizing if my "N" boyfriend is cheating? I have a feeling in my conscious now and then about certain things he is saying...I feel like what he says sometimes are not true, and if I was to question him, he would flip the conversation on me, and pick a fight with me some how or some way. I've heard other woman talk about experiences they have been in the past with controlling men that resemble my boyfriend.

Will my husband leave me alone for good?

MichelleH's picture
Submitted by MichelleH on Jul 9 - 3PM

I was married 8 months and left by my husband 3 times. He blames me for everything. He is often irritable and moody. But then can be very loving. When he is angry he throws things and breaks home items. He drinks about two bottles of wine per night. He will give me the silent treatment and then move out. Every time he moves out he goes and stays with his ex-girlfriend. The first time he left I called him after 4 days and he talked of suicide and cried.I tried to get him help but he did not follow through but came home.

What do I do with what is left of me?

someday's picture
Submitted by someday on Jul 9 - 3PM

This is my first message in this site but I have been reading for about a month. My soon to be ex-N left about that time after finding out that i knew everything about him and his twisted obsession with porn. I don't think he will ever contact me again. I have not since the last time we fought he nearly killed me. I'm feeling a little better now, but I'm finding it hard to get over my need to call him and thinking about him constantly. I don't know what to do with myself and have the worse nightmares. It is almost like PTS. what can I do?

Why Do I Still Sometimes Spiral into the Post Narc Abyss After 5 Months

rivergrace's picture
Submitted by rivergrace on Jun 25 - 10PM

I have been NC for five months. My ex Narc's final attempts at communication were about a month and a half ago. He wrote me a final email saying he was delighted to have crossed paths with me and had me part of his journey and then went on to talk about himself, his career, etc. etc. and told me to keep up my amazing smile and spirit. He never asked how I was or expressed any true remorse or that I meant anything to him. I did not respond.