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Working the Steps?

Hello and welcome to The Path Forward. My name is Goldie and I am the forum's lead moderator. I am available to assist you with the 6 Steps of recovery from a relationship with a Narcissist. This process is often painful and many are left with unanswered questions and a sense of "What just hit me?" "How can I be feeling this badly when I was "so loved" in the beginning?" and "How can I get my life back on track and recover from this confusing, painful ordeal?"

You must remember you have done nothing wrong, but believe in the good nature of another person. Unfortunately, this person has shown their true colors and you are now left with many questions. This section of the forum is devoted to answering your questions because we know you have many.

Here we will talk about what it means to be "Working the Steps" and the different recovery tools we find helpful in healing from a relationship with a Narcissist. Allowing yourself to process and feel your emotions through creative outlets as well as writing your "Goodbye Letter" are important aspects of the 6 Step Recovery process we believe with help you on the path forward. Please post your questions here and I will respond. Many of the questions which you have will also be helpful to other members. We are glad you found our community of support and can assure you that being here is the first step on the Path Forward.

Members, submit your question to Goldie!

Using the animals

Want_Peace41's picture
Submitted by Want_Peace41 on Oct 13 - 1PM

Hi,

Narc and I have been separated almost 2 years and divorced a little over a year. I'm still having a difficult time processing it all, and Narc does rear his head one way or another every couple of months, which mostly I ignore.

Story & question - We had 2 dogs, one was his when we got together and then we got another one while we were together. I kept the dogs for a long time when we separated and divorced. And about 6 months ago, I could not handle it any longer, seeing their sad faces, feeling guilty about what had happened to them, and not being able to take care of myself, that I asked Narc to take them and he did.

Should I Just Disappear?

la.luna's picture
Submitted by la.luna on Oct 6 - 7PM

I told my narc that I needed time and space before I knew about the book or this group. I was 7 days NC before I got here. But, I feel guilty and dishonest if I start ignoring him without explicitly explaining what I'm doing and why. I've been programmed "Do unto others..." He did a great job with that one. I've blocked him on Facebook. I know there's some punishment time for that. Things have been quiet, but I know exactly why. I'm on time-out. Should I take advantage of this? How do I ease into NC healthfully without a guilty conscience?

La Luna

Ran into N.

onthebrink's picture
Submitted by onthebrink on Oct 3 - 7PM

One year out of the "relationship" or victimization as it was, and I ran into him and his new supply who is moving in with him. I was walking out of the store and had to walk right past them. First I could read his lips, as he said to her, there's, then my name. She repeated my name with a puzzled look on her face, as if she did not know who he was talking about. I am then close enough to hear them, he says my last name. I did not speak to them. I understand he has no class or manners but this is bothering me as to why he did this. Any insight would be appreciated.

No contact when kids are involved

Empathy's picture
Submitted by Empathy on Sep 28 - 12AM

Hi,

My narc left town 18 months ago dumping our children at daycare with all thier possessions and not teling them or me where or when he wlould be back,.

NOW he suddenly wants to see them at xmas time this year after not talking to them in over 18 months- and he says I am being manipulative and poisoning thier minds!! omg this does not make sense.

I have gone no contact since jan 1st 2010 and I have made him deal thru my solictior for corrospondence however now he just wants to waltz into their lives give them gifts and them waltz back out again after xmas. how is this fair on the children- oh but if i dont ALLOW him to then Iam the worst in the world. I always wanted him to see them on a regular basis... but he said he had enough of that??

Is it normal to be afraid of stability?

Ella Fan's picture
Submitted by Ella Fan on Sep 22 - 8PM

I'm just getting to a place where my life is really stable. Yet, I'm bored, and find myself missing the drama of the past, and a past relationship with a narcissist (which almost destroyed me). I'm having dreams about the way I used to be (resentful, doing things I don't want to do, etc.) and waking up in a panic. Then, after a few minutes of hard thinking realising....that isn't my life anymore. What is ahead for me? I really just don't know.....has anyone else dealt with this fear of being stable?