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Working the Steps?

Hello and welcome to The Path Forward. My name is Goldie and I am the forum's lead moderator. I am available to assist you with the 6 Steps of recovery from a relationship with a Narcissist. This process is often painful and many are left with unanswered questions and a sense of "What just hit me?" "How can I be feeling this badly when I was "so loved" in the beginning?" and "How can I get my life back on track and recover from this confusing, painful ordeal?"

You must remember you have done nothing wrong, but believe in the good nature of another person. Unfortunately, this person has shown their true colors and you are now left with many questions. This section of the forum is devoted to answering your questions because we know you have many.

Here we will talk about what it means to be "Working the Steps" and the different recovery tools we find helpful in healing from a relationship with a Narcissist. Allowing yourself to process and feel your emotions through creative outlets as well as writing your "Goodbye Letter" are important aspects of the 6 Step Recovery process we believe with help you on the path forward. Please post your questions here and I will respond. Many of the questions which you have will also be helpful to other members. We are glad you found our community of support and can assure you that being here is the first step on the Path Forward.

Members, submit your question to Goldie!

Should I leave now?

Joyless's picture
Submitted by Joyless on Apr 29 - 10AM

Today I am total nonexistant to my NH. Yesterday while discussing a problem with our business he yelled "STOP YOUR FROWNING!" Thinking I need to start sticking up for myself, I told him not to talk to me that way! I was making breakfast at the time and he said that I needed to stop slamming things down and stop slamming the cupboards...which I wasn't doing. Yes, I was upset, but never was slamming things around. I told him I thought we needed to talk. He said it was mostly all a joke anyway. What?!?! I told him don't tell me it was a joke!

Why do I want revenge? Or at least beat him at his own game,,,,

mustlovedogs1960's picture
Submitted by mustlovedogs1960 on Apr 26 - 1AM

Here I am a 51 year old divorced woman who had not dated for 10 years. I meet Mac on line and after about two months we finally meet. Sincere as all hell and so I believed every word out of his mouth! He was not much to look at yet I found him attractive! Soon after having a great lovemaking session and connecting with him he turns sort of weird. He tells me he is having dinner with his ex on Valentine's Day but his friend thinks he and I will be the better match. Two days later he is asking me out again because the ex girlfriend and him did not hit it off.

will he ever change?

lynsey's picture
Submitted by lynsey on Apr 25 - 2PM

after years of being everything to nothing to this man he has finally decided that i need to move on. I often wonder will he ever change? will he ever settle down? is is me and will he be different with somebody else? have my behaviours caused his behaviours?
Do they ever grow up and realise what they are and what they have done? is it ever possible to have a normal relationship with somebody like this?

Trying to find entry

leigh's picture
Submitted by leigh on Apr 25 - 12PM

I just recently joined and it was because I saw a question from someone that I think was posted in March. It was from a mom that said she noticed most of the info on here was after the break up of the relationship and she was in a position with small children where she needed to stay and cope at this point. It could have been me writing so I joined and now I cannot find this entry. I have searched and searched. Several people had given her good advice and recommended reading materials. Is it possible to help me find this?
Thanks

How do I heal my Ex-N's last feeding frenzy on my heart & stop needing answers/closure?

Deanna's picture
Submitted by Deanna on Apr 23 - 1PM

How do I heal from such a devasting, cruel and quick exit from my N??????

YOU MAY FIND MORE THAN 1 QUESTION IN MY BLOG...:-)

I had no idea my ex was a narcissist until AFTER Valentine's Day. We dated for 18 months and I just thought;it was my luck to have fallen in love with the world's biggest JERK.

When he showed up at MY doorstep on Valentine's Day, he was ALREADY my ex. I had ended our relationship on January 5, 2012. I did not invite him. He gave me a 20 minute heads up of what I call now, "My Valentine's Day Massacre"

I was ALMOST over him. I had just begun to breathe. Then I heard the words that changed my life, "I am 20 minutes away, I want to take you out for Valentine's Day dinner."

Our Valentine's Dinner turned into 3 days.

How can I make it stop??

Jennifer mcBride's picture
Submitted by Jennifer mcBride on Apr 22 - 11PM

Last month, I wrote that I was going into mediation very scared. As it turned out, it was okay because I had both my attorney and the mediator as a buffer. Because my ex didn't feel like he got what he wanted, though, he asked that we schedule another mediation. This week I cancelled it (3 weeks notice). Not only do I now have a conflict, but I think it's premature because he hasn't actually tried anything he says won't work for him.

Can anyone help me stop this obsessive thought I have 24/7

LoserFree's picture
Submitted by LoserFree on Apr 22 - 1PM

Is it true that with age a N will stop looking for supply from OW?

The reason I ask this question is because I have heard at some point they realize they aren't as young and supply is harder for them to find. And if it's true that is why I am struggling and obsessing over his new relationship.

He is 60 and she is 35 and has 3 young children. My pain comes from believing he thinks he has finally hit the jackpot with her. That he doesn't need to chase new supply since she is pretty, young, and caters to his every need (like I did). And he knows he is getting older and doesn't have it all going on anymore. He verbalized that with me many times. It was kinda weird. Probably another red flag i missed.

Closure

julesuk's picture
Submitted by julesuk on Apr 18 - 8AM

How can I move on with my life without the closure I so desperately need. I struggle every day with the why's of our dysfunctional relationship. I actually went NC while he was in prison last April, cut off dead, no conversation, no letter nothing it was the only way with the amount of covert abuse I was suffering on a daily basis. Since he was released last July there has been one brief telephone conversation with us making small talk and since then nothing until his hoovering attempts a month ago.