Working the Steps?

Hello and welcome to The Path Forward. My name is Goldie and I am the forum's lead moderator. I am available to assist you with the 6 Steps of recovery from a relationship with a Narcissist. This process is often painful and many are left with unanswered questions and a sense of "What just hit me?" "How can I be feeling this badly when I was "so loved" in the beginning?" and "How can I get my life back on track and recover from this confusing, painful ordeal?"

You must remember you have done nothing wrong, but believe in the good nature of another person. Unfortunately, this person has shown their true colors and you are now left with many questions. This section of the forum is devoted to answering your questions because we know you have many.

Here we will talk about what it means to be "Working the Steps" and the different recovery tools we find helpful in healing from a relationship with a Narcissist. Allowing yourself to process and feel your emotions through creative outlets as well as writing your "Goodbye Letter" are important aspects of the 6 Step Recovery process we believe with help you on the path forward. Please post your questions here and I will respond. Many of the questions which you have will also be helpful to other members. We are glad you found our community of support and can assure you that being here is the first step on the Path Forward.

Members, submit your question to Goldie!

The What I Will Not Forget List


I am going through the tough work of writing the assignments at the end of the It's All About Her book, and I can't find a definition of the What I Will Not Forget List, can you please explain the exercise for me? Thank you, your book has already brought great healing to me. I was in a relationship for over five years and am now going through more than a year of stop/start activity with the person, I have finally instituted the No Contact policy on all fronts, and although it pains me to do that, it has helped tremendously. Thanks again, Paul W.


What are the best steps to take for safety when ending the relationship if Narcissist has abusive past?

I have finally ended a 5 year LDR with a Narcissist. He has an abusive past with women but never was abusive to me, saying I was his fresh start. After he saw it was truly over, he texted me terrible things and said this is why men treat women how they do. I am concerned he will fly out here to do something vindictive. I have a security system being installed this week and have blocked his email address but didn't block his texts so that I could sort of monitor what he texts me to gage his anger level. That being said, I will absolutely not respond if he texts me.


Not Engaging


I am trying to not engage with my Narc husband when I know he is lying or sneaking as it gets me nowhere. However, after I not engage/"take the bait" by walking away or hanging up how do I stop thinking about it? I get so angry about him lying and sneaking and it seems to me that by not engaging he is just getting away with what he wants to do but now with no hassle/accountability (by me not engaging) whatsoever.


Support Group?

Hi Goldie,

You had suggested I join the support group. I did become a Standard Member of the site. I was just browsing to see if there's a specific support group, or if the entire website/blogs are considered the support group. Just a little confused. Thanks.

how to survived with no family or friends

I moved 900 miles away after 10 years with nar. I have no family, no friends, im 51 in a state I have never lived, Utah and can't make friends. divorced in jan 2014, last contact with him end of july 2014. just found out he had been with his cur vict since before I moved out (Oct 2013) and all his family knew about it. so all contact with anyone has been a total lie. He has a very large family. How do I cope? I can barely function and work. I see a therapist weekly but I am on my own for recovery, I have lost 40 lbs and counting. please help me.

Is there no way to stop this?

I caught my husband living a double life back in April. I immediately told him I wanted a divorce. I had uncovered so much about him that there was no turning back. He has since moved in with his next victim who left her husband for him. The entire thing is ridiculous yet typical behavior of a narcissistic sociopath. I know in the end their relationship won't last and that she will eventually figure him out. I just hate that my ex is a sociopath and that I can't worn people. My conscience makes me want to warn the world to stay away from this person and others like him.

What do you do when you have children with a Narcissist?

I left my N when my son was 7 months old. I have also moved over 400 miles away from him. He has full custody of his three other children who I was close with but he won't let me talk to them anymore. I have recently filed for a restraining order against him, unfortunately the court didn't grant the temporary orders because of the distance and lack of any recent incidents between us. I know that there will be though because i cannot leave me alone, its only a matter of time, especially since I have his son.