All About Him Forum

It's true that FULL ACCEPTANCE of your N as someone who is mentally ill is the key to recovery. Once you give up any delusions that your relationship could be better "if only"...Once you accept that he is truly ill, you can then, and only then, begin to feel compassion for the man. (This does NOT mean you should try to reconcile. Pity him from a great distance.) Feel proud that you discovered the "real" person he is. Feel smart that you will move forward with knowledge you never had, and a relationship with another man of this type will not happen for you. You are FREE.

.... Imagine this...... You have been suffering with cancer for X number of years.

It's been a long hard journey. You've cried in pain & abject despair often...

I am reading lots on this forum from people who feel bad and don't see the truth of the Narc.

My Narc died, we were together 15 years, as a result of the death I suddenly had access to all his phone records, all his e mails, all his private correspondence going back nearly 30 years, I could talk to his old girl friends, and his current ones, (there were 3) his family, his friends, this gave me an almost unique picture of him.

Some home truths,
When his father died, his mother gave him power of attorney- within weeks he had taken all her life savings and didn't tell her. she has MS and needs care, he arranged care and didn't pay for it, he mortgage her house and she has to pay the interest from her state pension.

I've had a lot of time to think about the last 5 years and the fact that I am nearly broke.

I'm in love with the wonderful, loving man, not the con artist, nacissist that preys on women. I haven't lost/ given away everything yet -- but close to it. Actually - he and I drank most of it.

I am finally through with alcohol abuse - his and mine. I'm through with the almost constant demands for attention, through with the yelling, shouting, demeaning, downright cruel, "I'm always right", fight picking person that he really is. Constantly planning, targeting, marking the next candidate, then picking a fight so he is free to pursue another deep pocket..

I was the best thing that happened to him - I'll always be. But the key word is 'happened".

that I never have anyone post to my comments? I come here for support and I feel so stupid when I ask a question and don't get a response. Are my issues not relevant. I'm sorry if I am asking too much questions or relying on this blog and the women in it too much. :(

Why is it that he can be so nice to his kids and give them everything they want and shower them with love and time and anything and everything they want? He is nice to both of his ex wives now and even will compliment them and say nice things about them but he absolutely destroys me. He has destroyed everything about me. He lives in my house for free, he borrows money from me he accuses me of being with (sexually) any person I come in contact with. He wants to leave me and says just let me go but I keep telling him to stay because I love him. Its so sick and twisted.

I joined the site to let everyone know there is life after a Narcissistic relation ship.

I am a year out of a 15 year struggle. My Narc was charm itself, when we met, I ended up in a remote location, a gilded prison, a grandiose house, with cows for company, a child and barely enough money for a baby sitter or petrol, he spent his days at Michelin starred restaurants, in his Bentley and Saville Row suit.

When we met despite his story he was broke, but the princess financed the prince. He was a high functioning Narc, bright and great with people (read massively manipulative), keeping close those who agreed with him. I looked after his older children and picked up the pieces covering his tracks, a classic co dependant.

My almost 4 weeks of mumdane life (not getting really close to any friend) had a turn when i met a friend (months of no contact already due to change of class), on my way back to project.

Then she began to ask about my bf.
I have no choice i say we are silent period now which i lied (just dindt want to say much)

But she began to tell me her problems. What she been tru is as hurting.
As she speak i can see and feel her tears struggling not to drop.

Only at this point i finally digged out those buried so long misery and tell her abit. Seeing her face i recalled myself. Hearing her story triggered all my inner deep fear, hurt, misery and sadness.

After departed due to work commitment, i went to peak into his FB. I see alot of things.

I am engaged to a man who I think is a N. In addition to this suspision I have, he is ADD and on meds for this condition. As always its a long story.

Our relationship goes back 23 years, life got in the way at that time and 18 months ago we got back together. I am a divorce mother of three and survived and extremely abusive marraige to a psychopath, who nearly nearly destroyed me physically and mentally. He, on the other hand had had 2 marraiges and two engagements (including my engagement to him). In all his previous relationships, the problems were created by the woman according to him.

Why I haven't gathered the strength to leave this man is beyond me. About every 3 days begins a new blow up. This man knows exactly how to work his magic and it is getting worse and worse but I still keep hanging on. As soon as I look up therapists I cancel them because he is being nice to me again. He accused me of the absolute worst things possible. I am afraid that he could damage my credibility at my job if he continues with accuasations he claims I have done when he gets in his "mode." I don't know what he sees in his head.

When I post on here...no one seems to respond. It makes me feel like a low-life to be on here on a Saturday afternoon while he is probabaly somewhere on a date, enjoying life. Anyway, they (here, books,other sites) say that it's important to just GET IT OUT so here I am....
My friends are tired and think I'm nuts and he's disappeared (for now). So, I really have no one to talk to. I can't help but to wonder what he's doing. Who he's with? etc. Or if I even cross his mind. I have come to the realizatin that he is not thinking of me in a way where he CARES about me but does he wonder why he hasn't heard from me? Am I that insignificant? YOu know sometimes if your boss is away from work, you may not really care but for a split second, you may wonder where they are. Please don't judge me.