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Venting..Part 2

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#1 Mar 26 - 3PM
SoOverItNext
SoOverItNext's picture

Venting..Part 2

When I post on here...no one seems to respond. It makes me feel like a low-life to be on here on a Saturday afternoon while he is probabaly somewhere on a date, enjoying life. Anyway, they (here, books,other sites) say that it's important to just GET IT OUT so here I am....
My friends are tired and think I'm nuts and he's disappeared (for now). So, I really have no one to talk to. I can't help but to wonder what he's doing. Who he's with? etc. Or if I even cross his mind. I have come to the realizatin that he is not thinking of me in a way where he CARES about me but does he wonder why he hasn't heard from me? Am I that insignificant? YOu know sometimes if your boss is away from work, you may not really care but for a split second, you may wonder where they are. Please don't judge me.

I really wonder does he think about our daughter? Is he capable of loving her? Does he think about her? Will he ever?

This is all so bizarre to me. I just want to be happy again. For me AND my children. I wasted so much precious time on him. I missed out on time with my babies that I can't get back. I was soooooo disrupted by our "rollercoaster" that I can't even remember parts of my daughter's infancy. Sad, I know.

Mar 27 - 11AM
Hope
Hope's picture

meet-ups...

Dear SoOverIt: Google meetup groups in your area, plug in your city/state...there are essentially meetup groups for everything, mothers, networking, photography, biking, hiking, dinner, dancing...I went to one alone a month after my XN broke it off with me, a cocktail meetup, (probably not the best choice) but met a new girlfriend, it was 11 months ago we talk every week and go out a least one a week and my group of friends grows bigger every day, I also joined a photography meetup and I am learning from some very talented individuals, as time goes by you also will start to enjoy your hobbies more...hang in there...talk to a therapist and read to educate yourself on NPD. Another good read, "They call it a breakup because its broken."
Mar 26 - 7PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Does he wonder why he hasnt

Does he wonder why he hasnt heard from you? maybe maybe not. Depends on what he has got cooking ya know. I find they tend to be very out of sight out of mind people. If he is wondering about you it isnt in a healthy miss you kind of way. He is wondering because he may feel his current supply is running low just like when an addict is running low on his drug. He will start to get anxious on how to replenish his supply and likes to have back up sources. Just in case. You know I lost a baby with Barc boy. I have wondered so many times if he ever thinks of that baby and if Im being honest with myself I would say no. It simply wasnt real to him like it as to me. I do think that on occasion he has wondered why he cant feel it. I think he knows he should but doesnt. I was crying one night about it and he offered me so much comfort but have to think it was only so he could manipulate me. Its not that you are insignificant it that he is the one who feels insignificant. His whole life revolves around making himself feel important and if that means hes gotta walk all over you then well, hes gonna do it.
Mar 26 - 7PM
Blindsided
Blindsided's picture

Hi There

Your not a low life. Your human and have feelings. Best advice I can give you like some of the other people say here is go out. Keep busy. Date yourself even. Go for a drive. Go to a movie by yourself if there is a movie you really want to see and no ne is available to go with you. If you need to cry go ahead but then dust yourself off and get going again. Im going through something similar. I feel so pathetic sometimes because I can't get over my coward narc. Anyways love yourself and take care.
Mar 26 - 5PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Sooverit

Hi There, Get your butt in gear and get out like Sam said, Better yet get a baby sitter and do something for you and only you. Do yourself a favor and read,read & read. Once you understand the creature you are dealing with you can move forward. The only thing they can think about is themselves. If you feel alone PM me for my info you can text or call me anytime. I'm usually around. Happy and I are going out to Dinner and Dancing. WAHOOOOOOOO! Im sure we'll run into plenty of Narcs but we have our Narc repellant ready! Idealk
Mar 26 - 5PM
Jewwell
Jewwell's picture

I talk to no one about this either

I only post on this board, write in my journal or else keep everything bottled up inside. I do not talk to my friends about the N, either. Once I asked him if he ever thinks about me or worries about me - I worry about him constantly because his life is FULL of chaos - and he said that I have "everything" and there is no reason to worry. In an odd way, I guess that was a compliment. Their thinking just isn't the same as ours. Simple concept but so hard to really comprehend. Memories of your daughter's infancy will come back - - you are under stress now and your mind/memory aren't what they should be right now. Your children love you and that is the most important thing to remember. Life happens, but this is one thing you can count on!
Mar 26 - 4PM
Samantha
Samantha's picture

SoOverIt

You can't do anything about the past or lost time with your children, but you can choose to move forward. Grab those kids and go have some fun! Take them to a park, play a board game or even go for a drive and pick up burgers at a new place. Your kids will love the attention and you'll feel their happiness. I know all too well that feeling of wondering what the Narc is doing now. I've spent hours of my life spinning on that. You know the saying - living well is the best revenge. So get out there and get your revenge by denying him your presence and energy. I promise, there will be a time when you live well for yourself and not because you're getting back at him.