The Path Forward Forum

Hello my dear friends,

I am coming up on my 2 year anniversary of leaving the N.
Things have been going ok. We still work at the same place and share a son so full no contact was never really possible - the contact we do have is mostly work related and very brief.
My 21 year old son is distant and I still struggle with wanting more contact with him ....
I have dated but have not let anyone in close enough to hurt me. I have trust issues that I fear will never go away.
I have had numerous dreams about the N this past week and am feeling sad.

With that all said, I have no regrets over leaving him. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. Although I sometimes have sadness I now have a peace I forgot existed while with the N for over 20 years.

Rattlesnake,

I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone in my life. Until. Now. And I’m trying to let it flow, because not feeling it and acknowledging it has allowed you to come back into my life too many times. I’ve made excuses for you, believed all of your lies, and not trusted myself and my intuition because I just couldn’t accept what you are. And now I know. I know in a way I’ve never known before.

Hi
I last posted on here July 2014 and hoped to be able to give hope and support to anyone struggling to walk away from their abusers...
Because that's what they are , there's no two ways about it!
Anyway due to physical health issues I didn't post again as didn't feel able to help to my best ability..

Most of you won't remember any of why I ended up on here but in a nutshell... Met a Narc, had a child with him , he abandoned , I was devastated , couldn't work him out, found this site and all became clear, cried a lot , asked myself many questions and started to work on me and my healing from his torture..

I am a newbie but I have been reading this forum for a few months now and I am sooo thankful I found you all. I'm sure it being Valentine's Day is fueling some of my rage.

It's been 3+ years since I made my decision to stand up for myself & listen to my own voice. On January 23, 2012, the Walker dropped me on my head and then stomped on my heart w/o missing a beat. We (or at least me) had been making a life together for 2 years. We were 2 mature, single adults who spent most of our time together. He was very involved with my family, loved my kids, included my mom in our activities and said we would be the couple walking hand in hand on the beach at 80 years old.

Ok, so I know I need the support group and one and one with Goldie,
So before I am inundated with suggestions to do that, I truly cannot afford it right now. My electricity is about to be turned off and I can't make my rent or car payment this month.

With that out of the way, I just wanted to be honest with myself and with the ladies here that I have been having a sexual relationship with my narc who is in a committed relationship with his live-in girlfriend. I know in my heart I want to end it and am

After serval years I finally decided to end it with my N, I found out he was cheating on me. It quickly went from him cheating to him falsely accusing me of cheating. So now that I have chosen to end this because of something he did I find myself being bullied. He is going around telling whoever he can including my family and friends that he caught me having an affair. It's gotten out of control. I am letting him get it out of his system because I have read that there is just no winning with a N. My family is aware of him having a personality disorder. They see how insane he is and sounds.

I tried again. The holidays were here recently and it felt right. Even though I knew it could end at any moment with him leaving like he does every three months and disappearing I took him back. I believed him, but then started to question him about it more and more. He became infuriated. Then all of a sudden the tables turned quickly on me. Turns out he then asked me who **I**was "*^cking last week because he has audio recording that he implanted on me at home.

It's been almost a week since the first encounter with the N in almost 3 years.
Because he was civil, and I didn't emotionally freak out, I thought it was fine.

But my body has been telling a different story.

My rosacea and irritable bladder have been flaring up badly- I didn't have these illnesses until after D&D.
My ear was aching - I had a bad ear infection after a bad discard.
My insomnia and anxiety are at full tilt. I was on sleeping tablets for 3 weeks after a bad discard, I was so deranged and upset.

Hello everyone
It's been a while since I've been here. The N (Reptile, or Dickhead, as I call him) has been out of my life since 2012. Since then I've done a lot of work on myself, have become reasonably good at spotting N's or other toxic people, and am learning (slowly) how to assert my own boundaries without feeling like some kind of monster. I'm also learning how to become more guarded generally, less friendly or open, but a lot more discerning. Goldie's one on one's were really helpful to me.

Tomorrow I'm going to a camera workshop, which I hope will make me more employable in the local film industry, and will help me get myself more known. However, after confirming I'd go, I found out that Dickhead will also be attending.