My Narc ex-husband finalized our divorce two and a half weeks ago. It was his choice, he left me during the discard phase which I have been used to because out of the four years we were together he would leave me every two to three months and come back. The cycle would restart because I allowed it.
Hi everyone,
My narc and I have been divorced for two weeks, and I have maintained no contact. He's blocked from everything, my phone, texting, work number etc...My son's birthday was this Saturday. My son is not his bioligical son, however my son adored him and was always eager to please him, they both got along great except for when he would leave, my son would be in tears (jerk). Anyhow last Thursday we got home from my sons baseball game (which he has access to his schedule, it is online) and we saw a beautiful "Happy Birthday" bag with a card in it on our doorstep.
I've been separated for over a year now. There were some Hoover attempts, but I have been successful with no contact. I have stopped contact with friends family and places that I have associated with him. I burned the empty letters he had given me over the years (such a small pile for eight years of marriage) and gotten rid of furniture, photos, and gifts he had "given" (I think looking at the finances I actually paid for all my own gifts) to me.
As of late I have not been a big country music buff. My ex-n loved it and I did too but listening to it brought back too many memories after the discard. One song he quoted often never caught my attention until after the discard. The entire song reminds me of what an N would say if he were to be honest with his feelings, but I'll only post my absolute favorite verse:
By: Kenny Chesney
Cause goodbyes are like a roulette wheel
You never know where they're gonna land
First you're spinning, then you're standing still
Left holding a losing hand
But one day you're gonna find someone
And right away you'll know it's true
That all of your seekin's done
It's just a part of the passing through
Right there in that moment
You'll finally understand
I have been on an emotional roller coaster, and feel like I have been in the most horrible nightmare for the past four years. There has been lots of hoovering, discarding, devalution, and confusion. Throughout all this I was married to my narcissit on and off for the past three years. I have recently divorced him as of last week, and I am finally ready to move on with my life permanently. I am taking the most recent discarding as an opportunity to do this. I have taken all measures to make sure that there is no longer any communication between him and I.
It's been 2 years since my ex-N and i broke up....He's already remarried...I've not even THOUGHT about dating ANYONE...and i have no intentions on getting serious with anyone for a long, long time to come..But,
Just curious how many of you hit a point where you were having weird dreams and crazy nightmares every single night, and how long it lasted? I've been in court batling my ex-N for the better part of two years, and the nightmares (and insomnia) happened THE DAY that we settled in court. As soon as the daytime anxiety was gone....the goosebumps and nausea and diarrhea over just anxiety about MY LIFE and how I had no clue how the trial would turn out....once that was over, instantly i started having nightmares every night.
I haven't been here since I left my N in 2010. I spent 6 years dealing with it all. I finally escaped,I had no job,no car and no place to go,I had my cats and not knowing if I could ever be with them again was heartbreaking. But god provided a way to get out ,kept my cats safe and 2 years later I had an apartment.I went to domestic violence shelters.I had a breakdown and I found a program and I on meds I fought very hard to survive after leaving. But we made it.God took care of my babies for me and we are together now.I struggle every day for what happened to me while I was with him.
2 days after I left he sent me two very religious emails and wished me the best.and spoke all things he was planning on doing.
One of the most confusing and difficult part of me I healing is my relationship with the N and his child (3years). Like a normal relationship the N waited to introduce me to his child. I was so honored when he did. In hindsight I remember him saying odd things like he doesn't like anyone but me (I dismissed it as being protective and asked why he wouldn't want him to like me as well).