Working the Steps?

Hello and welcome to The Path Forward. My name is Goldie and I am the forum's lead moderator. I am available to assist you with the 6 Steps of recovery from a relationship with a Narcissist. This process is often painful and many are left with unanswered questions and a sense of "What just hit me?" "How can I be feeling this badly when I was "so loved" in the beginning?" and "How can I get my life back on track and recover from this confusing, painful ordeal?"

You must remember you have done nothing wrong, but believe in the good nature of another person. Unfortunately, this person has shown their true colors and you are now left with many questions. This section of the forum is devoted to answering your questions because we know you have many.

Here we will talk about what it means to be "Working the Steps" and the different recovery tools we find helpful in healing from a relationship with a Narcissist. Allowing yourself to process and feel your emotions through creative outlets as well as writing your "Goodbye Letter" are important aspects of the 6 Step Recovery process we believe with help you on the path forward. Please post your questions here and I will respond. Many of the questions which you have will also be helpful to other members. We are glad you found our community of support and can assure you that being here is the first step on the Path Forward.

Members, submit your question to Goldie!

Ex N Still Giving Money

I have been NC for about 1 month. I have a three year-old son with ex N. He rarely wants to see him unless he wants to bother me. For more than one year he has put $100 in my account for our son. I did not respond to his hovering at the holidays (which was extensive including saying his sister was in ICU). I notice that he still continues to deposit $100 for our son. I cannot understand why. He has taken our son before and would not return him to get back at me. That is why I am not pursuing limited contact but have opted for NC.

No contact from either one of us to eachother - Is this helping?!

Hi Goldie,

I am going through week 2 of my NC with Narc ex and he has not contacted me this entire time either. He has deactivated all social networking platforms of his, is this his way of getting me to speak to him because he knows i am a massive stalker and i more than likely will try finding out info about him through that? We also work relatively close, I never see him but speak to him on the phone at least 3 times a day.. Is this sort of substituting the No Contact side of things from both ends if you know what i mean because were sort of "having to" speak to one another?

Discarding and hatred

My ex owes me 50 000 and he also has gone back to his previous relationship. Or I should say, he never actually left it when he started back with me at the beginning of the year.

Anyway, my question is he has shown rage and hatred before, but., not to the extent he is now. He claims to be love her and that he never loved me. He has changed his number and that is fine I don't want him back. But I do want my money.

He has been many things, but a thief was not what he was. I get that he has to prove his love to his old girlfriend and cut me out but can he truly change?

Why the hoover?

When I broke up with my Narc, she didn't hesitate to let me know 2 days after she had a new boyfriend and update all of her social media sites to feature a picture of her and him. I never contacted her (followed the NC rule), never sent smoke signals. Two months into her new "relationship" she texts me randomly "Hey I hope you are ok. I saw in the news there was a train accident in New York" (I live in New York).

Why would she out of the blue do that? Is it because her new supply is not fulfilling all her needs?

Can this be real?

I have been so depressed. I have felt hopeless. I found this website and read and read and read...I also read many other thigs regarding Narc's online, but found it redundant and dry as toast. This wonderful place, however, really gets it. I don't feel as alone now. I felt utterly lonely, and even more so when N was home. Is it real that I feel so much stronger today than yesterday? I feel that I've just found my life rope but instead of hanging on for dear life, I feel like I can hold on with one hand because I don't fear it'll disappear. I'm confused. I'm not used to feeling safe.

if they are so happy

if they are so happy with their new supply why do they keep coming back to try and contact us ...every since October 1st I've been trying to stay NC ...unknown to me my son had wrote a very lengthy and bitter email to my ex female narc blasting her with both barrels ...I didn't know what he had done til she forwarded me the email asking me to keep our private conversations private (between us) I said I share what is important to those who love and care about me and vice versa ...she asked why I told anyone about the conversation of us breaking up ...I thought it was a free country and peopl