Goodbye Letter

Dear Mark,

You are a narcissist. This is the last time I will indulge you and make this all about you. You are a compulsive liar, always bending the truth to serve you. You always have an end goal in mind and manipulate me and everyone else to get yourself there. You are back and forth and up and down and all over the place. You are toxic.

You hurt me without even trying. Every day with you had some sort of dramatic catastrophe that got in the way of life. We couldn’t plan for things or save for things because your immediate emergency and lack of sight past the current moment caused me to live in constant stress and survival mode.

Took me a while to accept it..

I hung on to a glimmer of hope that you would come around. I sent you a final note saying I missed us and wanted to come back home. (The furnished apartment I got for you and I) and you totally dismissed my outpour by responding saying "good morning to u, my life has been real busy now". I shouldn't even be surprised as to you ALWAYS dismissed my feelings and NEVER responded to my needs or love.

Dear wrecking ball,

(this is long)

I will stop myself from missing you based off these following facts. WHAT I WILL NOT MISS.

-Silent Treatment : Always shutting off your phone, KNOWING I would panic and not sleep.
Cutting me off in fights, the hanging up on me when I was talking.

-Your constant verbal bashing.

-Calling me a bitch, crazy, stupid, emotional..etc.

-Twisting everything around so you take no responsibility for anything

-Driving off like a maniac, using you car to scare me and threaten my life

-breaking your car steering wheel, objects, smashing your head, threatening suicide, running into traffic, saying you will

throw yourself from a cliff ..etc.

-The black "GLOOM" that perminated the room with your seething silence.

I should have known...

...From our first date that things would always be about you. You talked the entire time about yourself which I chocked up to first date nervousness, when in reality you are only capable of talking about yourself.

... That you couldn't respect me or genuinely listen to me when after our first date you were trying to convince me to have sex with you despite my multiple refusals.

... That it would always be all about you when you refused to come to my house and no matter where we were going or what we were doing, we had to meet at your house even if it wasn't the most convenient or close to where we were going.

Dear E,

A few pointers for you whilst you sit around with your pre-recruited cronies recounting my list of crimes and putting on your most magnanimous and manufactured mask.

You may like to reflect for a moment on the fact that a refusal to communicate, coupled and withholding information, is in itself an aggressive act. And it is a technique I believe you are well practiced at and versed in. You did this alot to me over the course of our relationahip, particularly the past few months. It leaves the other party shut out, stonewalled and anxious. You are great at being the sparkly, flirty girly girl and ever ready to withdraw it when one is no longer useful or in favor. Quite unlike anyone I have ever encountered, you turn it on and off like a tap.

Dear Ed,

I came to the conclusion that growing old with you would have been as hard or harder than our relationship had been. After I realized that you might have a narcissistic personality disorder, my first thought was that I needed to find out more about it. I thought if I could help you and we could figure out a way for you to get better, everything would be okay. Why?....because you loved me. I did but I wasn't thrilled with what I found out. I couldn't believe that the man I met 11 years ago was not real. You were just an illusion.

Mr. Empty,

Well we said the real goodbye this morning. Yes. I still love you, but I know now that you're toxic for me. Our fight on the phone last night had me begging for compassion -- you couldn't find it. When we said goodbye this morning as you headed home to "our" house 1,000 miles away, leaving me alone in a one month rental, you seemed more like your old good self.

Did I see you look down to wipe a tear away as I drove off? Or were you texting your new supply to tell her you are finally free?

Hey jerk,

You are such a fraud that you don't even use your real first name. That should have been my first red flag. And you never signed your name to the hundreds of cards you gave me (I noticed that odd fact as I was shredding them a while back). Are you ashamed to see your name in print? Or maybe you just don't feel comfortable with who you are.

I wanted to be everything you ever needed, for you and your daughter. I gave you my heart and soul and you knew it and took full advantage of it. You would tell me how you can see it in my eyes how much I loved you. You would tell me thank you for loving you and your daughter. You would tell me up until the day you left how much you loved me. After getting to know your parents your father once told me I was the son he never had. My family took you in as their own and enjoyed your company as much as I did.