Now that we are divorcing after 27 years, you are blaming all of our problems on my childhood. My childhood did not cause you to do all the terrible, unethical, and immoral things you did during our marriage and are still doing. I worked through the effects of my childhood in my 20s and had an extremely successful CG career where I was ranked 1st everywhere I went and earned numerous awards and medals, made
You had me fooled, boy did you. I knew you for a year before I crossed the line and betrayed my marriage vows. The day I first met you I never would have guessed you could put me under your spell like a stupid teenager (I'm the mother of a teenager!) I was not innocent, no I knew better. I freaking knew better, but my low self esteem that you kept propping up became my drug that I just needed a tiny hit of. My husband didnt appreciate me you said, you would give me the world you said, cherish me. I must have been out of my ever loving mind to fall for it. Yes, I made a huge mistake.
OW,
You have won him. He’s all yours, something I know you consider a prize right now. I’m certain of this because I remember how special he once made me feel. Your parents are likely telling you that you hit the jackpot to find a man who so many qualities all at once. You feel on top of the world, ra ra ra.
Hello dear S,
this is a letter to tell you that... well. I am done here. Finito. The end. Ciao.
And you know what? It has never been about you. It has always been about me. Me, my self-esteem, my values, my ability to truly love people. To genuinely care about someone.
It has always been about my ability to feel. Unfortunately, you don't know what this is, so I won't even bother to explain at this point. It would be a waste of my time, and I have wasted enough time (and money...) with you.
Love and feelings is something that you can not explain in a letter. Because only human beings can feel. And the truth is... you are not one. You have no life inside you, or very little. Hence, the very basic need of any human being, love, well... you can't know what it is.
Goodbye to the man I thought I would marry and grow old with. I continue to struggle having zero contact with you, it’s hard because I gave you six years of my life. You met me when I was in a weak point in my life. You knew it and honed in the opportunity of a weak woman. And what was more sickening, is I made the choice to be with you.
You'll never see this letter, but here's the rub: It's not about YOU anymore. It's my turn.
When we met, I wanted your attention. I wanted you to want me. I now see that you never gave me anything I needed. You gave me tidbits of your attention... just enough to whet my appetite for more of you.
I wasn't crazy, I think I was desperate. (how I hate to think I let myself get so low that your tidbits were enough!)
So, now that you are gone from my home (not yours, like you have told everyone who would listen! you told people that my three homes were yours.... that your mom's home was yours... that your sister's home was yours. Did you actually think anyone believed your lies? Did you not see them rolling their eyes?) But, I digress.
Dear J,
George:
Goodbye goodbye we've said it hundreds of times.
Goodbye to what though? Goodbye to days spent crying trying to understand what had happened to analyse things to make it better. That's the problem - I have been so busy cheering on your recovery, your pains, your growth that I completely and utterly lost myself.
I just joined and this is going to feel really good to get this out there and have other people read. I actually sent my exN a different version of this. I didn't use the word Narcissist and took out all the foul language. I needed to confront him about his problems. I knew he wouldn't leave me alone unless I confronted him. and I cant lie, I had hope he would realize his faults and change. now I know better. but here it goes.
You have a control problem. It is your way or the highway. I don’t think you are incapable of saying you are sorry if you realize you are wrong. But you are incapable of seeing 95% of your faults.