THE GOOD GUY MALE WITH THE NARCISSIST FEMALE
I have noticed many similarities in the Males I work with in recovery from a PD, female. There are volumes of information regarding the empathetic women and how she fits the profile for the Narcissistic male on the prowl for supply, not so much pertaining to the male good guy attracted to the female PD, or the female PD looking to the male good guy for supply.
Narcissist Recovery Blog
THE GOOD GUY MALE WITH THE NARCISSIST FEMALE
I recently interviewed Dr. Joseph Burgo on my Blog Talk Radio Show regarding his book “Why? Psychological Defense Mechanisms and the Hidden Ways They Shape Our Lives.”
I think Dr. Burgo’s book is helpful for anyone trying to get over a narcissist because it helps us understand why we respond to the emotional trauma and abuse we suffer in this type of relationship. By understanding why we respond the way we do and being accepting of the ways in which we cope, I believe we can learn to break free from the defense mechanisms that prevent us from moving forward and finding the joy in life that we ultimately deserve.
All month I've been trying to think about what kind of gift I could give you all for Valentine's Day and then it finally hit me, the gift of knowledge is something each one of us can pass on to one another. Knowledge is power!
With that in mind, I wrote this blog in hopes that anyone who reads it will pass it on to a friend or post it on their FB or Twitter feed.
In the spirit of sisterhood, please help us build awareness this Valentine's Day and "Tell a Sister" by sharing this or any of your favorite blogs or posts from our forum with others who would benefit from such knowledge.
What is a narcissist....and are you dating one?
According to Wikipedia:
“In the wake of the Manti Te'o girlfriend scandal, the term "Catfish" has entered common parlance to describe a person who engages someone in a fake relationship online, and the act of perpetrating such a hoax is now known as catfishing.
Catfish is a 2010 American documentary film, directed by Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman, involving a young man being filmed by his brother and friend as he builds a romantic relationship with a young woman on the social networking website Facebook.
"I did call her crazy. And I think she'd be OK with me saying this. I'm going to take the liberty to say it. I said, 'Listen, I called you crazy, I called you a b*&%$, I called you all these things, but I never called you fat.' She thought I said (she was) a fat crazy b*&%$. I never said (she was) fat."
This interesting piece of dialogue keeps running through my head like a bad Justin Bieber song...(wait, are there any good Justin Bieber songs?)...
...Okay. Focus here. Don't make it worse.
The above paragraph is a direct quote from Lance Armstrong in response to a question by Oprah in part one of the highly anticipated and very telling interview with the fallen cycling star.
Lance Armstrong....Is He or Isn’t He a Narcissist? That seems to be the million dollar question right now in light of his recent admission on Oprah that he did in fact dope for years, yet threatened and sued anyone who tried to challenge his assertions that he was clean.
The vengeance with which he went after those who challenged him is incomprehensible to me and is what has me exploring his personality right now. I mean, it’s one thing to lie and cheat, but then to go so far as ruin the lives of people who were simply telling the truth is beyond callous to me.
To help us understand his behavior, I will be interviewing Joseph Burgo, PhD. who recently wrote an excellent article in the Atlantic on Lance’s narcissism.
When I first met my ex-husband in 1995, he joked about being a narcissist. I thought nothing of it at the time because the term was not widely used. In fact, I knew so little of the word “narcissist” I thought it just made him that much more eccentric and artsy...lol.
Women helping women. Women loving women.
I have heard many women say, they get along much better with men than they do with women. Some say they don't trust women. Many women with the N are jealous or bitter towards the OW. The Narc gives you so little that it may be easy to fall into this trap and blame the OW for what he is doing or not doing. Easy to think he must love her more or perhaps she is better than you somehow, not the case. She is just like you in many ways.
There may be a variety of reasons why some women don't like or trust OW, in general.
My father was a N/P and my Mom drank to deal with the pain of his cold insensitive cruel ways.
"If you carry the same baggage you had this year into the New Year, your ability to move forward will be weighed down. Drop your bags at the doorstop of the old year, so you can make a change in the new."
~ Eugene Nathaniel Butler
We often upset ourselves as a result of how we choose to RESPOND to life. Most disturbance comes from the belief that we should be able to control others in an attempt to control ourselves. Unfortunately, what we fail to realize is the only person we can control is ourselves.
This new year, instead of focusing on what you cannot change or control, I encourage you to focus your efforts on that which you can control. It is not WHAT HAPPENS to us, but HOW WE RESPOND to it that determines our happiness and success in life.
“It is the darkness that makes the light visible, and not the other way around.”
--Nancy Venable Raine
I don’t like all this “becoming.” Six years of becoming someone I don’t recognize. But of all the things I have “become,” I am at the do-or-die transformation now. Being Pain Queen doesn’t work any more. Pain Queen is on her last leg. And she just can’t take any more pain. So I must become a person who does not desire it. Who doesn’t seek it. Doesn’t turn to it. Doesn’t count on it. Doesn’t accept it as a permanent affliction.
I must become a person who does not love HIM. Who couldn’t possibly love a man who has brought me so much pain. I must stop thinking I love him. It’s just too twisted to “love” the source of my pain...
"'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free
'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'Twill be in the valley of love and delight."
~ Joseph Brackett
As I help my mom prepare Christmas Eve dinner, I look to my right and see this verse of a “Shaker Song” framed as my mom often likes to do with her favorite quotes. "Simple Gifts" is a perfect reminder for the season of what is important and what we should cherish.
While many here are in pain at the moment, I want you to know that although the path may be hard at times, you are exactly where you need to be right now. You have seen the light and you are making progress to gain the love and respect in a relationship that you DESERVE.
In response to Pumpkin's beautiful enlightening post:
We just lost 20 children. 20 of our own in this country. I attended a prayer service for all involved at church on Saturday evening.
I got up and spoke about the LOST BOYS in our society and how it is our responsibility to look out for the warning signs if we see young boys in danger of becoming detatched.
What can we do? What can we do to help the MOTHER's who are so obsessed with their whacko husbands and boyfriends that they can no longer see the forest through the tree's.