I had no idea he was a narcissist, I just knew he was cruel and emotionally unavailable. So I DID send my letter to him. And he responded. It only confirmed why I had the leave.
Below is my letter to him and his response. (If you need any clarification of the back story, I posted more detail in the My Story forum)
As if he finally saw the error of his ways. This is the second writing assignment in Lisa's "The Path Forward" book, which a person would write to herself as if it's from the Narcissist. Although he will never come around, it "doesn't mean we can't facilitate the words we need to hear in order to move on."
Occasionally throughout our relationship you showed glimpses of the real you and real honesty came out. At the time thought I was privilege to be witness to this raw and disturbing honesty but now when I remember those things you accidentally let slip out I look at you and wonder what it must be like to be so disconnected with yourself, if you feel like a monster, if you are proud to be one, if you feel anything at all and if so whether when you do allow yourself to feel what that pain feels like and if it is more excruciating than the pain you put me through. I can only imagine it must be: the pain you feel when you finally allow yourself to see yourself must be so great that it causes you to create a whole new personality around yourself rather than face the horrible reality.
(Dear Reader, please read "my dear" as ironic)
I knew before 11 years ago what the DSM criteria were for NPD but you my dear did not present as selfish, self centered, using others. Rather you're involved in your community, people love you and are always happy to see you. You're a professional who's widely held in esteem in your profession. You're very handsome to me, charming, warm, very intelligent - by objective standards that the rehab psychologist used when testing you after the car accident . and are also handy, careful and do excellent handyman work. I've always appreciated these characteristics of you.
** 4 weeks since I've seen the N
** 2 weeks NC
Dear Forgetaboutme,
You say it’s really over between us, but I don’t believe you at all. I know you’ll come back. You always do.
When you come back, I’ll respect you even less than I already do (and that’s an impressive feat as I think of you as crazy, pathetic, desperate and weak-willed).
Regardless, it’ll make me incredibly happy to have you back in the fold. It’ll reassure me that I am incredibly lovable and important and that you are obsessed with me and don’t have a life outside of me.
David,
Dear S,
Fuck off! I wish you all the best finding new sources and happiness.
Dear Eddie,
The Truth.
As I sit here staring at this computer screen I am in shock. So hard to believe all my hopes and dreams of a life with you living in paradise have been destroyed by your reckless,
Alan,
I know you don't expect to hear from me, but there is something important I need to say.
What you heard when I ripped apart your last email line by line was anger, sorrow and deep, deep hurt. No hatred...until now.
I have some friends that sat me down today and made me look at the truth. They care about me and were concerned about this continual upheaval with you. They did some digging into public records last week. And here's what they found...