Let's play another round of "stupid things my Narc said"

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May 12 - 3PM (Reply to #74)
findingmeagain's picture

Mines said he likes to wear

Mines said he likes to wear sunglasses so noone can see his eyes I think it was a good way to check out other chicks without me knowing .
May 10 - 8PM
positivefuture's picture

haven't posted in a long time...

but couldn't resist this one! i read all the time, gain support, and adore all on the board :) ok...here goes. n: (waiting outside the bathroom door and i come out) umm...PF, how much toilet paper are you using to wipe. me: the normal amount???? then he breaks into my house and steals all the toilet paper. just the tp, nothing else. n:you r my sooulmate, the love of my life! one day later... n: we are just friends, reconnecting n: for your bday do you want me to take you to taco bell and c*m on your tits? n: we can't be together because you don't make enough money (i make 6 figures by the way) n: we can't be together because your actions don't speak as loud as your words. n: we can't be together because you live too far away n: we can't be together because i am too busy with work n: we can't be together because you give me an attitude when you don't want to do what i say n: (in december) i should be ready to be together with you by the end of april. don't you want to wait for me? my kids love you the best of all my girlfriends, so we have to end up together. babe, just till the end of april! n: i can only have sex with a woman i am really connected to, it has to mean something. one week later n: i can just turn off my feelings, pretend i have them, and just keep having sex with you and you'd never even know. i don't have to feel anything for anyone i have sex with. well, enough for now i guess :) best wishes to all, love to all, happy to see the healing that's taking place, and the newbies ...glad you are here for support. you are in the right place! trust me, it will get better. i promise. xxxxx pf
Dec 21 - 6PM (Reply to #72)
Wickedgameover's picture

Heard that one too. N: I feel

May 28 - 4PM (Reply to #71)
beamoflight's picture

Ummmmmm yeah

That Taco Bell comment.... hmmmmm.... I think if Lisa gave out awards-- your N might win for that one. Seriously.
May 11 - 8PM (Reply to #68)
ifinallygotit's picture

toilet paper

Apparently alot of Narcs are crazy about toilet paper. Mine would only use one brand and he packed a roll if he traveled and had to stay at a hotel. Nothing rough for the king...
May 31 - 12AM (Reply to #70)
Littleone's picture


Is this actually a common trait? The toilet paper thing? This has literally blown my mind. My EXN point blank refused to buy cheap toilet paper, it had to be the best. Eventually I got my way because I kept complaining that we couldn't afford it, but it was always a bone of contention.
May 12 - 3PM (Reply to #69)
findingmeagain's picture

Last hoover attempt I caught

Last hoover attempt I caught this fool trying to steal soap I said excuse me wtf are you doing? Oh i can't take a bar of soap I said hell no!
May 11 - 8AM (Reply to #65)
sara-smile's picture


OMG! He stole your toilet paper!!?? Why??? Why would somebody do that? That is just crazy! Haaaaaaaaaaa! Taco Bell and c*m on your tits! Woo hoo! Happy Birthday to you! I don't even have words for everything you wrote! It's awful on one hand and then hilarious on the other! He's really full of himself isn't he! I'm glad you posted!! You made me laugh!!!! Sara
May 13 - 5PM (Reply to #67)
Sanity Check
Sanity Check's picture

Taco Bell

That comment slayed me. Taco Bell should be using this one for advertising!
May 11 - 10PM (Reply to #66)
positivefuture's picture

LOL glad you laughed!

he is something; and i laugh about the stuff he said/did all the time (now, anyways..not in the beginning!!). stealing the TP was his way of letting me know he (or someone he paid) could come into my house anytime he wanted. he lives 300 miles away, but stole the key to my house one time when he was visiting - of course it was off my key chain and i was locked out - of course he told me it must have "fallen off" my key chain in his pocket and he didn't realize it until he got to the airport. yah, right, the key untwisted itself from the winding key chain that i can barely pry apart with my fingernails, but it somehow fell off in his pocket?? LOL. i actually moved! he'd tell me "baby, after you go home (meaning get on a plane and fly back to L.A.) i think i am going to go to target and get some shirts." then low and behold the next day i would get a fraud alert from BofA that my stolen credit card was used at target; although the card was still with me, he must have made a copy. stuff like that happened all the time!!! have a great night :) i am going to try and engage more often. best, pf
May 11 - 7AM (Reply to #63)
mystwoman's picture

I don't know what it is about

I don't know what it is about these jerks and toilet paper. Talk about the ULTIMATE in control issues! rofl. Xnh tried to tell me how many squares I was "allowed" to use whenever I went to the toilet. I told him that was none of his business. *I* buy the toilet paper not him, AND I also am the only one paying the mortgage payment, so I own the toilet and septic tank as well, by the way. He gave me the really strong desire to flush the entire roll of toilet paper down the toilet every time I peed, and then call HIM to unplug the toilet. I didn't because it wasn't really worth the effort, but it was tempting. :) Xnh, also, tried to force the rule that I must always put the lid on the toilet down after every time I use it (not the seat, the lid). That was how his Mommy always does it, so I guess it was God's rule. lol. I went "rogue" and decided that I was always going to leave the lid up because his Mommy does not make the rules in my house, and xnh doesn't either. Oh yeah! I'm a rebel. lol. Xnh actually counted how many times I left the lid up, and then blasted me with it in the middle of a restaurant on Valentine's Day. What a sweetheart!

God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

May 13 - 5PM (Reply to #64)
Sanity Check
Sanity Check's picture


That is pathetic. Toilet paper? What a jerk.
May 10 - 6PM
secondchance's picture

stupid things he said

after lying mine would say, "it was the truth to me!" the therapist had to point out to him that didn't make it the truth!
May 11 - 8AM (Reply to #60)
sara-smile's picture


Good Lord! That made me laugh out loud!!!! I wish I could use that in life.......But it's the truth to ME!
May 11 - 9AM (Reply to #61)
terri's picture

Ever see the movie

Ever see the movie "Something's Gotta Give"? (Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson) Nicholson's character is a true Narc and says to Keaton's character after getting caught in his lies and manipulations: "I always told you some version of the truth" to which Keaton replies "the truth doesn't have versions"

Believe in yourself!

May 10 - 5PM
mystwoman's picture

"I only put it in a 'little

"I only put it in a 'little bit' one time. It didn't go all the way in so we didn't 'really' have sex." Oh get off it, xnh! This turned out to be with the same woman he cheated on me with before he D&D'd. I don't know how stupid he thought I was when he said this, but if it "went in" even a "little bit", he had sex. They both had their pants down, and his "little soldier with the helmet was standing at attention" so it wasn't like they were behaving all Polly Pure with each other. The intent was there (and I'm sure so was the 'action'). Xnh is a true moron. rofl

God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

May 11 - 8AM (Reply to #57)
sara-smile's picture


Is your Narc Bill Clinton??? :)
May 11 - 2PM (Reply to #58)
mystwoman's picture

No, but he may have taken

No, but he may have taken lessons from "Blow Job Billy". Xnh did watch a lot of television, so who knows? The lies that came out of both mouths were pretty stupid. rofl.

God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

May 10 - 5PM
ally2375's picture

More from narc #2

N: So, are you Catholic or Protestant? Me: Um... what? (confused by the randomness of the question) Does it have to be one or the other? N: Yes. (said without irony) Me: Then I guess...heathen! N: What? No, you have to pick one. I still don't know what this was all about. He wasn't religious, so it wasn't that. And, why only those two options? He left me scratching my head on a daily basis.
May 12 - 4PM (Reply to #55)
findingmeagain's picture

Hey Aly mines would say its a

Hey Aly mines would say its a yes or no quetion I would say whatever I want and he would say you're evading I said you don't tell me how to answer a damn question. Sargeant slaughter better back down lol!
May 10 - 4PM
Hunter's picture

Bottom Line

"stupid is as stupid does" If I ever meet another who says one of these lines, I think I'll just start laughing and yes they will think Im crazy. Ah… but what a good laugh I would have. Hunter
May 10 - 4PM
Alibi_10's picture

I like this game

Soooo many similarities, and I am off to bed in a minute, but definitely heard the following: You are very insecure I feel sorry for you because you have an empty life You are too light-hearted, I need someone serious You are too serious, I need someone who is fun I think you are THE ONE I know you are THE ONE You have the potential to be THE ONE You are in the right ball-park for being THE ONE Can we go back to being friends? I don't want just a friend I don't need friends I don't need anybody I would like to be married and have kids ... After going through all my cupboards and my computer: "I don't trust you, I think you are monitoring all my moves" .... After talking for thirty minutes non-stop about everything he had done during the day and not asking me about mine "You make me talk for ages and then I get a headache. You give me headaches and suck the life out of me. Why don't you talk?" Me - " Ok, well I've had a bit of an odd day ...." Him "Is this going to take long? I've got things to be getting on with. Catch you soon ,,, 'bye !!" WTF?????! I am a machine, a perfect machine You dress like a granny sometimes You have to make me want you. YOu have to make me miss you. When I'm not with you, I don't think about you, but I do think about you. (This isn't a typo - he did actually say that, I wrote it down) Maybe more to come, but one of my all-time favourites of all time: "I am a machine, a perfectly well-oiled machine. I compartmentalize and you have to stay in your compartment until I open it. I don't want you popping out of your compartment until I say so, or going into a compartment where you don't belong" !!! - I love that one it is totally ludicrous
May 11 - 9AM (Reply to #52)
sara-smile's picture

alibi 10

You dress like a granny?? Haaaaaa! WTH??? To me this is truly scary: "I am a machine, a perfectly well-oiled machine. I compartmentalize and you have to stay in your compartment until I open it. I don't want you popping out of your compartment until I say so, or going into a compartment where you don't belong" !!! Your Narc was CRAZY! How in the world did you ever keep up with what he was saying or thinking?? Little does he know he has given us so much to laugh at now! :) Thank you so much for sharing!
May 10 - 4PM (Reply to #51)
onwithmylife's picture


you really were a machine to the man, a robot, OMG!!!
May 10 - 3PM
janine's picture

What the Narc said

A guy in a pub told the Narc how lucky he was to have such a beautiful woman as a girlfriend(I am not really all that beautiful, he was just being nice).I could just see how that both pleased and annoyed Narc. After a while he said "You know, normally I'm not into beautiful women. I have found the real beauties to be utterly stupid. You have got a real brain behind that pretty face. But then this is what I deserve. After all I offer plenty on both counts." Early on in our relationship, when it was a strictly sexual affair,I mentioned how I missed the country where I'd lived before, my home, friends, the sea. His shocked reaction "But imagine, if you had not come to live here you would never have met ME!!!" I just gave him a blank stare. When he was fired from yet another job, as usual pretending he had left of his own accord, he explained that I would soon be reading in the papers how the company had gone bankrupt. Not only was it a bad company anyway, he had been the only one to get any work done and kept it going. Several months later I told him with a sweet smile that I had just sold the shares of that company I'd bought back then at a nice profit. This time I got a blank stare.
May 10 - 7AM
momoya's picture

Narc Translator

Let's put this through the NarcTranslator1000 and see what it really says! Disclaimer: Brutal honesty and sarcasm going forward in the post - BEWARE :) Sara I miss YOUR SUPPLY so much and my life is just not the same without YOUR SUPPLY and I AM BORED NOW and I want you and miss youR SUPPLY so much (right now)!!! I just need you to know that my EXCUSE IS THAT kids are too attached to the OWs KID for me to end things with her and screw their lives up! SEE I AM SUCH A NICE GUY I DON't WANT TO HURT THE KIDS BUT IT'S OKAY TO HURT YOU SARA. BUT I love youR SUPPLY and I see us married and so happy LIVING OFF YOUR SUPPLY maybe 5 years down the road I WILL COME BACK FOR YOUR SUPPLY! In the meantime we could still see each other AND I CAN GET SUPPLY FROM YOU and make amazing love to each other IF I FEEL LIKE IT. love your supply, the greatest narc in the world!


May 12 - 7AM (Reply to #48)
helldweller's picture

The Narc Translator 1000

Momoya, I just spit out my coffee. OMG that is so funny!
May 11 - 9AM (Reply to #47)
sara-smile's picture


PERFECT! That is EXACTLY what it means! He can go to hell and get his supply there! :)
May 10 - 7AM (Reply to #46)
wacaet's picture

haha, I love it!

haha, I love it!
May 10 - 6AM
dabussard's picture

Stupid Things

Mine was always talking gibberish. I thought it was because he was drunk all the time. But, I now know it was his mind. He texted me one night: "meet me a the grophies store". WTF I texted back "gropher her good" No response.. He always used to say I was the smartest girl he ever meet and that I had my head screwed on straight. Yes, he was working on ruining my mind.. Yep that why I left his ass. After one of his silent treatments, we had gotten back together. He told me he needs his woman in his bed every night. After about a week, I was smothering him and he needs some space.. Hello... talk about confusing. He was drunk one night telling me he was going to take a job traveling being gone 6 to 8 weeks at a time. How I did I feel about that? I said nope, I can't handle that I like to see my man everyday. His response "Sorry for everything, don't text me anymore" and passed out.. WTF, this was 3 months before the final d&d. I should have ran and nver looked back then.. By the way, he didn't get the job because of his drinking...lol.. At the very end, he told me that I always depress him. By telling him all my problems. That he needs a happy girl. Yea, the mind games had me tired and very depressed. And, He used to all the time talk about sex with past gf's. I think it was to depress me farther.