In regards to his second failed marriage..........
" she never", Which I used to think maybe that was her real name........it was Miranda
And ..........." she only wanted a trophy husband "
HUH?
I almost forgot one of my all time favorites,
keep in mind he has work in banking and finance
all of his life
drum roll.....
"You should do what I say, I am an expert in relationships"
I'll share the funniest things he ever said to me. He works in Emirates, and he asked me to move out from my country to stay with him in Emirates. He said: "come here, find any job and live with me. Don't worry, we just gonna live together, i will never ever marry you"
ROTFL when he said that, does he think I am that idiot? :D :D
it is so enlightening to read what they have said...takes away from my "i must be crazy" factor to know that others have heard this stuff too...
One of my favorites is this:
He was always boasting about how he "made" his wife. Everything she is (and she is a very successful businesswoman earning 6 figures) is because HE MADE HER. He had her teeth straightened, he sent her to school, he supported her in everything, he makes sure she has all the tools she needs to be successful in business.
When he first told me this story, it was early on in our relationship, I remember choking back a laugh...he said...
" I am her Dr. Doolittle"
HER WHAT?
I believe he was trying to say that she was Eliza Doolittle to his Henry Higgins, as in the play My Fair Lady...
but no...
"I am her Dr. Doolittle"
And truthfully, that is probably more accurate. Go talk to the animals, you FREAK.
One night: "It's beyond infatuation now. It's getting deeper than that..."
Then: "I more than like you. Why do you think I bothered to visit you??"
A few weeks later: "We have the POTENTIAL for chemistry."
When I broke up with him, he said, "But I was getting ready to make a commitment!"
In later conversations, he kept saying, "I'd like to see you," and "I'd like to come down for a visit." Then he told me to get the plane ticket to fly up to see him...I did...and the next day, he whined: "What is your motivation in this? Do you expect me to just forgive you? It's going to be a platonic visit if you come up. I don't think you should come up." Stuck me with an 800 dollar non-refundable ticket to Maine.
What a nasty, obnoxious lunatic. I'm glad I was the dumper, and not the dumpee.
And the craziness of it all. This was a guy who admitted to abusing other women, and of course it was all their fault. So how long before he would hit me? The verbal abuse was enough.
to me one of the biggest of the red flags, is how they always blame all the women, ex-wives, ex girlfriends, then before you know it , it is YOU they cut down, they never ever take any responsibility for their words, actions, behavior, never.
There are so many...
"Remember that time you threw a clam at the waitress and I had to calmly remove you from the resturant"
I don't have a clue as to what he was talking about.
or on Easter
"I am leaving work early to get my daughter (age 21) the kind of jelly beans she loves, I left work yesterday early but could'nt find them. Are you going to give me something for Easter. It will hurt my feelings if you don't. I want only dark chocolate, good wine..etc"
I go to his house with the basket I got for him. He inspects it. When I hint if he got anything for me.
He says "I didn't even think of it"
then on Valentines Day
"I can't do anything tonight, I have to feed my dog and he gets lonely"
"There are plenty of men out there." said to me when we were driving around town.
"I'm married but I'm not a fanatic about it."
"I will only have my daughters 17% of the time." said during divorce hearing.
"I am keeping a file on you and I will give it to our ----- when she turns 18"
"The kids were not available so I took the dog" said when he was late for visitation pick up and came to the house.
"I'm going to own this town"
I just remembered...
Before he went on vacation he was whining to me...
"Why does everyone pick on me?"
I said "Have I picked on you?"
He says "No"
I said "Then don't say everyone."
I got a scowly look like a little kid that just got scolded.
I said "Don't look at me like that." and he stopped with the look and left.
What a goober.
Yeah people pick on him at work... cuz he's a total shit disturbing dick. It's their only form of recourse. What does he expect? If you poke at an animal long enough, it's going to rip your head off. People aren't much different.
Early in the relationship, he hinted at the following but gave me more details during a road trip we took. I left him not long after that. He said,
"I was arrested for domestic assault in 2008 after my wife and her daughter (his stepdaughter, about 20) pushed and shoved me around when I asked them to keep down the noise in the house. I don't know why I hit my stepdaughter, but I had bruises and the cop would not listen to my side of the story."
Turned out that he had a "cold" and was holed up in the guest bedroom and came down not to ask politely for some quiet, but to start a ruckus because he did not want to go to a family gathering. When his young son said he did not want to go either, N-Dad sided with the son against Mom and the fight escalated. The stepdaughter got involved.
He hit his stepdaughter in the jaw and then when the wife took their son away in the family car, he smashed the windshield with a piece of wood-
What's odd is that at the time, I was willing to accept this account as a one-time anomaly of a man in a loveless marriage (which is how he portrayed it). The rationalizations we make to support our abusive mates!
Then, another time, he described a live-in girlfriend he had as an "alcoholic who lunged at me once, and hit her head on a door frame. I called her parents to come and get her. We got back together another time, but when she talked about getting married, I said I can't marry YOU." Why she lunged at him remains a mystery, but I can't imagine he was just sitting there like an innocent waif, watching TV when this happened. It takes two to fight.
Another time: "All of the women in my past have told me I'm mean."
Well, K, add me to the list. You're mean- and worse.
He said this to me about a year ago: "My friend used to tell me that i could have any woman i wanted...and i chose you." This is after i stood by him through his many drug relapses,including a month of him being in jail.
Here is the one i can never forget: "Maybe some day we'll just be really good friends."
How about this one: "I dont feel good enough about myself to be intimate with you."
Him to our counselor: "I almost feel kindof guilty for all the things ive put her through,you know?" almost?
Christmas---i never saw him. He went out on a relapse and didnt answer my texts or calls.Infact, we were suppose to meet the day before.Didnt show up until he wanted $40 that i was holding for him (long story). Then disappeared. All day Christmas i was worried sick. Then when im ready to go to bed,he calls and leaves a messege on my phone: "Hi, its me. I just crawled in bed to go to sleep,and then i realized (chuckle)...im hungry. So im making my way over to your house to get something to eat."
Toilet paper thieves...
Pantie hats?
Such romantics with grand birthday ideas of taco bell and cumming on someone's tits...
And I thought mine was an idiot for sharing his shit stories with everyone at work.
Wakes up one morning still half drunk (shocker). Gets in the shower, needs to fart. Poops out marbles that are heading for the drain and while he's thinking what to do about the poop in the tub.... the poop plugs the drain. GENIUS!
Another time he crapped his pants on the way home from work. He thought he might have to go before he left work and the urge passed so he heads home. It's several km away and about half way home he gets the urge again. He's thinking to himself damn it's day light I can't just crap in the bushes so he says he starts running. Needless to say the moral of his story is, don't run if you need to take a shit.
One day he's standing in his kitchen naked cooking breakfast... hung over as hell... thinks he has to fart and shits himself. It's liquid so it's running down his leg and the cat happened to be there rubbing against his leg at the time. So the cat gets shit on him too. He doesn't notice that part. He heads to the bathroom to finish taking his dump and clean up and as he's sitting on the toilet the cat starts rubbing up against his clean leg therefore putting shit onto said clean leg.
Last and best poop story. He hurt his back and I took him to the hospital. Dr gives him an opiate for the pain. Says right on the freaking bottle DRINK PLENTY OF WATER. Does he read it? Nope. I get a frantic call just as I'm waking up for work... "Babe I need you to go to the pharmacy and get me suppositories or an enema or something and some exlax". I'm like "Uhh what the hell is going on?" He tells me "I'm seriously constipated. My shit is like a brick. I'm in agony here. I've been laying on the floor naked for the last 2 hours wishing I would just die or shit all over the place, I don't care. I crawled to the phone I'm in such agony." I tell him I'm leaving immediately. I rush out the door, no shower, looking like a train wreck. Grab an enema, exlax and latex gloves. He asks what the gloves are for. I say "In case you have to dig" and I'm laughing my ass off at this point. He says quite seriously "I already did that with my bare hand. And that fucking cat thought I was playing the whole time I was on the floor. He was hunch backed and hissing at me while I'm laying here in the fetal position".
Good God why did you tell me this. I didn't know whether to walk out or laugh harder.
So he retells this story and makes me look bad by telling everyone that I stopped for coffee on the way there while he was laying on the floor dying.
Best part of these stories? He tells everyone at work AFTER I start sleeping with him. Great... just fucking great. People are thinking I'm sleeping with someone who needs a lifetime supply of Depends. AND! He insists I'll be with him to change his diapers for him when he's old.
God help me...
Ok I almost just crapped my pants reading this story. It is so disgusting and so funny I was crying just now I was laughing so hard. Look at all the funny, smart women on these boards.
He's actually very healthy except for his stress induced GERD. He just gets the shits from drinking really shitty cheap homemade beer.
Yes surprise... he's cheap.
And no I won't be there to put penaten cream on his diaper rashed balls when he's elderly.
In regards to his second
haaaa
Lol.
narc illusions
Haaaaaaaa!
The funniest
i love this topic
Thanks for the giggle. What
priceless
More
Sailorchick
AMEN !
alternative reality
stupid things round two
This stuff is comical. Are
I just remembered... Before
And the scary stuff:
One of my faves:
this is some seriously funny
strange words from narcy
just remembered something else
Just wow these guys are stellar
OMG
Reddley
Ok I almost just crapped my
Organs Giving Out
He's actually very healthy
Reddley
OMG!!!!!!
LMAO! You truly got stuck
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God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.