Narcissist Recovery Blog

The Narcissist's Hoover Maneuver

Narcissists cannot be alone. Narcissists need people more than anyone. They have very specific reasons for being in relationships, but they are not built on the universal need we all have, which is to love.

Narcissists do not enter or stay in relationships for love. Their motives are quite different. They become involved in relationships in order to ensure their needs are met and someone is always present to provide them with the attention and adoration they require in order to feel alive.

Losing Ourselves in the Narcissist

I believe the key to our recovery is to find ourselves again. When coming out of a relationship with a Narcissist, the fundamental crux of our problem is that we have lost ourselves in the Narcissist. Trust me, the Narcissist counted on this.

By causing you to doubt and question yourself, the Narcissist ensures you remain dependent on him and lose any sense of identity you once had. The key to getting better is to see the Narcissist for who he is, accept it and find yourself again.

Why a Narcissist will Never Change

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are rigid and often unaware that their thoughts and behavior patterns are inappropriate. Research indicates they are rarely the ones who come in for treatment. Instead, the spouse, significant other, children, and parents of the personality disordered are the ones who suffer and seek therapy. Narcissists do not typically seek treatment.
Furthermore, personality disorders begin in adolescence or early adulthood and do not change over time.

Narcissist or Sociopath? What's the difference?

Both the narcissist & the sociopath have absolutely no remorse and no conscience. They both view others as nothing more than objects to be used as a means to an end. However, the way they use others is what differentiates them.

A narcissist demands his sense of self be propped-up by others on a continual basis. This is because he is disconnected from himself and has no sense of self. Without validation and recognition from the outside world, a narcissist feels dead inside.

Why a Narcissist Inevitably Devalues & Discards (D&D) You

"Women know intuitively when they are being devalued."
~ Robyn Silverman

Being in a relationship with a Narcissist is like being on a roller-coaster ride that never ends. One moment, you feel loved, adored and cherished. The next, you feel devalued, discarded and abused. Narcissists have often been described as having a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality. You never know what kind of mood a Narcissist is going to be in and you certainly never know how he is going to treat you. A Narcissist is unpredictable and unstable. You are always walking on eggshells around him.

What We Can Learn from Charlie Sheen's Narcissism

My second book, “Surviving a Narcissist” will be coming out in a few weeks. I am frequently asked how to get over a Narcissist. While there is no magic pill, you CAN and you WILL survive. Recovery is possible.

Our forum is full of great ideas and suggestions from members getting over these emotionally abusive partnerships. Based on the collective wisdom of this amazing group, dedicated forum moderators, personal experience and lots of research, I have developed "The Six Steps to Surviving a Narcissist."

The first step in recovery is to understand the pathology of someone who suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Step One: Understand It

We educate ourselves on the personality of a Narcissist. Knowledge is power!

Why Writing is Therapeutic when Recovering from a Narcissist

Today we now have proof that writing is therapeutic. James Pennebaker, PhD., a psychologist and researcher, has conducted studies that show improvement in immune system functioning and emotional well-being when research participants write about difficult or traumatic events in their lives. When you share your story, you no longer feel alone or isolated. You feel connected and understood.

As humans, we absolutely must process our feelings before we can recover or heal from any painful experience. Until we do this, we remain stuck. This is not only important for our emotional health, but our physical health as well.

Working through Anger When Recovering from a Narcissist

A recent question came up on our forum this morning, which prompted me to write about anger. When recovering from a toxic relationship, feelings of anger are incredibly intense. The question as to whether you should write him a letter or not to express your anger often comes up.

My answer to this is that you can and should write a letter expressing your anger, but do NOT send it to him. Write it for yourself, but do not share it with him. He will only use it to make you look spiteful and it will give him satisfaction he does not deserve.

Why Narcissists Seek Out Relationships

I am often asked why someone so self-absorbed and consumed with themselves would have any interest in pursuing a relationship with another person.

What you have to understand is that Narcissists are looking for meaning to fill up their emptiness. A Narcissist disconnects from him/herself as a child. As a result, they have no inner sense of self and need outside validation from others to remind themselves that they exist. They need someone to cater to their needs and fill the enormous void they feel inside.

Why the Narcissist is still a Child

One of the most well-known theories in psychology is Sigmund Freud’s theory that as children, we pass through different psychosexual stages. According to Freud, if a child is over-indulged or under-indulged in any of these stages, it results in what he calls fixation. Fixation describes an adult who is stuck or attached to an earlier childhood mode of satisfaction.

Perspective is Everything When Recovering from a Narcissist!

Having any type of contact with our ex while trying to break free will only keep us stuck under their spell. Creating distance is the only way to gain proper perspective and see things as they truly are.

We must break contact in order to really assess the situation. It is this distance that allows us to look at things from the perspective of:

A “player” considering their next move versus a “pawn” waiting to be played.

"You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it.”
~ Albert Einstein