Why can't I stop?? help! :(

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#1 Sep 18 - 5PM
kiwi10
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Why can't I stop?? help! :(

I keep thinking I feel ok. I feel strong. Then, something totally random sets me off.
Today, in my belly dance class, a girl had an engagement ring on. I feel like I 'll never be engaged again. I'm lonely, and the thought of being with anyone makes my skin crawl. I'm afriad.
I'm afraid of having to live with my psychopathic X, I'm afraid of how sad it still makes me that he rejected me after beating me. I'm sad that he is ok, that he's with someone else, moving on... I'm stuck with all of this pain.
I'm scared of taking care of myself, never having babies, that the dreams won't ever stop. I'm scared I will never have a healthy relationship. He calls to 'chat', i dont answer, keep my emails stricktly to bussiness, and I feel like a bitch. I feel myself longing for his stupid aqpproval. And, like everyone else on here, I'm terrified of him being happy with someone else, vallidating my fear and his abuse. Vallidating that there is, in fact, something wrong with me.
I alwasy felt like there was. I never fit in in school and always got bullied. My father rarely, if ever talks to me. He says he's 'afraid to upset me', that i'm too sensitive and he 'always upsets me;, so i never talk to him. When I lived at home as a teenager, he would go weeks without talking to me. When my ex husband did that to me, my heart felt like it was ripped out. I hurt in places i never knew i had. I told him it hurt me more than the belt beating did, and it did.
I feel like something must be so wrong with me. I know you guys say there isn't, but you don't have to live with me. I was so afraid, so insecure, especially after the personal ads and porn... i couldn't be out in public with him. Now, he can find someone aqnd not do those things to her, so she can trust him. why couldn't he just be that way with me?
The sexual rejection killed me. he said he couldn't 'feel close' to me. why could he feels close to girls on craigslist and porno? He was 14 years older than me, but he never had an issue getting that sucker up. It was just purely a rejection of me. The laast straw was after me begging to give me another chance, we tried to work it out. After two dates of what seemed like confusing hell, and him leaving with me curled up in a ball half naked crying, i couldn't take it anymore. I'm sure he would have gone on like that forever or until he found someone else. i stopped it, and told my lawyer to go ahead and proceed.
I'm only 31, but i feel like i'm too old to start over. Right now, all i have to do is go to school. He pays for everything. I feel barely capable of that... how will i survive when i have to be a grown up like everyone else?
I'm so scared. I dont want to be alone, i dont want to be with anyone, and god help me, i *so* don't want him to be happy.
I feel like a piece of trash. I feel like he's moved on and i am still hurting because of him/for him. I hate that I can;t stop it. I hate myself today.
I'm sorry for my negative, self piti, and pathetic ranting. thank you for listening. Love ya'll

Sep 20 - 8PM
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

so.... now i'm being ignored to punish me

i didn't take his call, ran his fucking errand and then went away. now i have a question about our cell phone plan, and when infact, his pyschotic ass will re-habit this house and......... no response!!! of course!! an opportunity to make me check my email and wait and to punish me!! YAY.. i swear, they really are 5.
Sep 19 - 2PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Honey, what's happening to

Honey, what's happening to you is "all in your head". Nope, it's completely real. But it's all these thoughts and raging emotions/feelings running around in your head and driving you nuts. Please listen to the ladies here. We are telling you the absolute truth, so there are YEARS of experience here, and yes ma'am, it applies to your situation! Your narc will NOT be "happy" with another woman, enough that he will not be a Narc. He has a life long, chronic condition that the psychiatric community does not believe can be fixed. He will treat all his women the way he treated you. You just aren't understanding what he IS, yet. You aren't understanding that you had nothing whatsoever to do with what he did to you. You aren't yet understanding what he IS. Don't believe everything you think. Don't believe everything you feel as some kind of FACT. You are in deep grief right now. What happened to you is true trauma. You've been severely victimized. You've been beaten and humiliated. You've suffered TERRIBLE psychological wounds. These things will distort reality. You need some outside help, honey. We all do, at one time or another. Have you considered seeing a doctor for some antidepressants? They REALLY helped me with those obsessive thoughts. I believed every single one of those thoughts were reality. But the medication sort of soothed my bruised brain. It was like they slowed down that terrible squirrel wheel in my brain :( . I couldn't stop it on my own. They didn't make my life suddenly change into something wonderful. I think they made me feel like what a normal person would feel under the same circumstances lol. When my brain was calmer, I could see so clearly that what I went through was so WRONG, and I felt so much stronger. Like I could really cope, you know? I think it would help you. I'm a little biased, having taken them myself off and on over the years, and having been a psych nurse and seeing how they helped other people :) Just a suggestion, though.
Sep 19 - 4PM (Reply to #28)
kiwi10
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briesis thank you

is he really a narc? i feel like i was just as aweful as him, if not worse. i want so badly to believe that he is, because it makes some sanity out of this insane situation. i see a psychologist (i started seeing her before my husband even left) weekly at least. i take st.johns wort and 5-htp and i know they help alot. god only knows how crazy i would be without them!! I considered taking a chemical antidepressant, but i dont think a low dose would do more for me than the herbs do anyway.
Sep 20 - 12PM (Reply to #30)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

They would do a LOT more

They would do a LOT more than herbal stuff . . . when you are as unhappy and plagued as you are right now, you might need a little stronger stuff, you know? At least for a few months, then go back to the herbal when you are more solid. It doesn't matter, in the end, if he is REALLY a narc or not. Him being a narc, or not, doesn't erase what he DID to you. What he continues to do. Right? This is so NOT about what you think he is. He is what he is, whether you "think so" or not. He is capable of beating and humiliating you (and then dumping you) and never being sorry about it. That is NOT normal! I too felt like you feel, about how badly I acted. For a while after my relationship ended, I was still convinced what happened between us was about as much my fault as it was his. I did a LOT of truly insane things. I was violent with him. I threw a sauce pan at him while he was lying in bed, hard enough to dent it and it wasn't a cheap one :P . I told him the sheriff's had come by and asked questions about him (they hadn't, I just did it to make him paranoid). I smoked weed with him because only THEN could I tolerate him. I agreed with and encouraged some of his awful behavior, and I participated in some of it :( . I was his right hand man in some ways. I lied and manipulated more than I was honest and direct. I am pretty sure MOST of us do these things. We aren't saints. I called him terrible names, I went right for his manhood and I can be pretty insulting if I'm furious. So did all my awful behavior make his behavior OK? Hell no. Stop thinking "well if I'm right, then he's wrong." or, "If I'm wrong, then he MUST be right :( ". That's some insane thinking. It's not like that at all. You can both be wrong, you can both be screwed up. But it NEVER justifies his abuse of you, never. A truly decent man would never humiliate you no matter what you did to him. He would leave you before beating you with a belt, for god's sake. You probably did do some crazy things. But you did them under duress. They are not things you would normally do, at least to that extreme. Think this one through, please. This was NOT an equal playing field, between you and him. What you did do wrong does not compare in the slightest to what he did to you. See how it matters so little whether or not he was a narc?
Sep 20 - 12PM (Reply to #31)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

briesis

it matter to me because it helps me to see it as a problem with him, not something I brought out in him, and i am having a horrible time trying to convince myself of that. i see al these pretty girls and they are all married and i'm alone, i feel like a complete failure :(
Sep 22 - 12AM (Reply to #36)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Fierflie

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors...all these young pretty girls that look so happy... Bet there were a number of folks that thought you guys could bottle and sell the secret to a happy marriage.... Don't fall into the trap of illusion Base your feelings on what is the reality... Some people aren't strong enough to take a stand and settle, and put on the illusion- Solid example: I have a friend sitting in a pretty pricey house, her husband is hardly home, she's tied down with five kids...I asked her what was her secret...she replied: I don't have any expectations of him....*crickets... Catch my drift hun? Dont settle for being a Stepford wife...much less an abused one.
Sep 22 - 12AM (Reply to #37)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

michelle115

wow.... wow.
Sep 20 - 1PM (Reply to #32)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

It sounds like you really

It sounds like you really believe that there is something so awful about you, Fierflie, that your "awfulness" could turn a decent, loving, hard working man into a Narc???? LOL!! Think this one through. Tell you what hon. My exNarc openly blamed me for "tearing him down". He was a drug addict in recovery, a devout Christian when we met. And all my issues, my kids' issues, how screwed up we were . . . it was our fault he relapsed. And raged and acted like a complete ass, and made him depressed and unhappy. I believed him. And tried harder. It's just that you don't understand yourself yet. That neither you, or anyone else alive on this planet, is capable of changing the insides of someone else. I suppose if you locked him in a closet and shoved bread and water under the door, made him live in his own feces, berated him daily, beat him with a belt and acted like he deserved it . . . well, OK then, you might turn him into a wreck. Since you did none of those things . . . perhaps you screamed, shouted, punched him, begged, acted like a brat, did other "bad" things. But seriously! That can't possibly take a decent man and turn him into a Narc! You are NOT especially awful. You do not corner the market on being an awful person. There are millions, maybe billions, who have done much worse to another human being than you ever did to him. You thinking you are so especially awful is a distortion. It's not true. Why persist in trying to believe it? And if you really DO believe it, know that you need to take that to your counselor. It is a core issue that is totally farking up your life, and it needs to go. Just because you believe it does NOT mean it is true. I have a bumper sticker (not on my car, it's too new :D ) that says "Don't believe everything you think." We end up thinking a LOT of very wrong things after relationships with Narcs. And the beauty is . . . we can find the truth, amidst all the pain. The truth is, you are a human woman who ran afoul of a very bad man. He fucked with your head in the worst way. You are a victim, not a perpetrator. If that's hard to believe, take it on faith. Ask anyone (except him lol). Let this information in. Take it on faith :)
Sep 20 - 2PM (Reply to #33)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

briesis...

well, i never punched him.
Sep 22 - 1PM (Reply to #34)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

LOL!! You are a better woman

LOL!! You are a better woman than I :D But what about the rest of what I said? If it didn't ring true, then that's OK . . . I just thought I related to your thoughts that it was something about YOU that made your exNarc so awful, and that he would be a decent human being without you.
Sep 22 - 3PM (Reply to #35)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

briesis

yes, thank you so much for the reassurance... i do, i always feel like he'll be better to someone else. he says he would. someone 'less dramatic' who didn't 'wear there feelings on their sleeve', who 'was less demanding'... maybe he's right?
Sep 19 - 9PM (Reply to #29)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

fierflie

I started taking zoloft and I can tell you it is helping. I can tell I able to focus a bit now and I dont feel so sick anymore. I still feel sad but it is not as intense as it was 10 days ago. So you might ask your doctor.
Sep 19 - 1PM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

I totaly get that to be

I totaly get that to be beaten then dumped then he seems happy with another woman seems to invaladte the abuse he dished out , like you deserved it and it was youre fault , see he is happy with another woman it must have been you right ? ... nooooooo wrong , wrong . Heres my mantra "he will never change" .. its so hard i know , to be beaten then tossed away like a rag , is there anything worse than that , i cant think of anything worse . I understand , i wished i didnt but its the same as me .. although technically i left it was only because he made it impossible for me to stay .Its a joiney , a long hard road to recovory . God was having a laugh when he made the psycopath , or was it the devil that made them or was it just a sick pervesion of nature .. see this is how it goes against nature, humans became this powerful and sucessfull because we have emapthy , it marks us out front the rest of the animals , the reason we became so great is because we looked after our weak , old and sick , when we where roaming the savannas hunting and gathering we didnt leave the sick to die , we carryed them with us this is unlike any other animal . So i guess its safe to say they belong with the animals as empathy and love is missing .Imagin a bunch of psycopaths roaming the savannas and one of them fell ill , which one of the psycopath would carry the sick one to the next camp? ... well you can see what im getting at . its chilling to think about it but its true . xx
Sep 19 - 10PM (Reply to #26)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

but i think animals do have empathy

when i'm sad, my dog and cat gather around me and give me love. shes so happy to be near me, i know she genuinely loves me. if she were a wolf in a pack and i was her dieing elder, she would leave me because if not she would die too. i'm an aniamls lover, so i hate to think of these pieces of crap like an animal
Sep 18 - 11PM
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

i went out...

I saw some of my fellow belly dancers dance. they were happy to see me. I got lots of hugs. It just made me miss him. he's such a good drummer. If only i had kept my crazy jealousy under control... i feel so silly being the only single one! :( thank you soooooooo much for your responces, though. you guys made my night! i swear, i9 woul,d die without yall..
Sep 18 - 9PM
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

I know

It happeneds to me all the time. You just keep going and one day you will laugh at all of this.
Sep 18 - 8PM
hooklineandsinker
hooklineandsinker's picture

Oh sweetie. I'm so sorry

Oh sweetie. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this and I totally understand. But 31 is so young. You have LOADS of time - so take your time and get over him in your own good time. I am 42 and have never been engaged even once. And I'm sorry, but anyone who perpetrates violence on another person, especially an intimate partner, isn't worth ONE OUNCE more of your energy. I mean, how DARE he do that? Can you imagine if you had a child and she grew up and married and her husband did that to her? You would want him killed. So apply the same standards to yourself. I know I may be sounding a bit glib, and believe me I know how hard it is. A nice guy took my number tonight when I was out with some friends. Part of me is going "oh good, at least there are still some nice, dateable guys out there" and feeling grateful for that, but the other part is thinking "but he's not (my ex), so how am I going to feel remotely attracted to him?" I also relate to the sexual rejection - it's a special kind of pain because it makes you feel as if you're not even a woman, never mind not feeling attractive. My rejection only lasted 5 weeks until he dumped me, but it hurst like hell. But look at you. You're gorgeous. Anyone can see that. It's an empirical fact. HE'S the fucked-up one and his judgment and motives and actions DON'T COUNT. You've been through an incredibly traumatic experience so give yourself as much time as you need and don't be surprised if there are good days and shitty days mixed in, but also don't be surprised that you will wake up one day and not give a flying fuck about your ex or who he's with. And if he's that much of a violent psycho, I don't fancy anyone's chances with him.
Sep 19 - 11AM (Reply to #16)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

funsize...

thank you SO much for you kind words! Thank you thank you!!! He was onlt THAT violent with me. Only that hateful with me. I spoke to one or two of his exes and they said he was an asshole, but never did anything like that... Thanks for saying I have alot of time. I know 31 is young, but there's all this stigma around not being married, and I have never been single, so I'm trying to get used to it. I must admit, the women I meet who are the most expressive, happy, and beautiful inside seem to to be 'unattatched'. I guess that may be because, as women, when we get with someone, we give them SOOOO much of ourselves. Must women, anyway. I know I do... I feel like if i had kept my sense of autonomy, i either would have needed less from him and it would have lasted alot longer, or i would have left. I guess i should be gratreful of the former not happening.
Sep 19 - 9PM (Reply to #17)
better off
better off's picture

Fierflie, they get worse

Fierflie, they get worse over time. Their perversions get worse, their abuse gets worse. Every time they cross one line it makes it easier to cross the next one. He was mean to them, he beat you.. he'll probably kill the next one. Everything you've described to us goes past him even being a narc. He sounds like a true blue psychopath. Listen, can you think of a reason any person NEEDS to be beaten with a belt? Honey, what he did to you is literally a CRIME. He should be in jail for aggravated assault. If he had beaten a DOG like that he could be charged for it, and you're a lovely lovely human being who did nothing wrong. And as far as "all this stigma" about being unmarried, I think that must be something YOU are feeling, not other people. I can assure you, a lot of married women probably look at YOUR life and think you have it made! ;-)
Sep 19 - 10PM (Reply to #18)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

better off

you always know what to say!! you make me feel so much better. I don't know why, but i keep going over the belt thing and thinking i drove him to it. i know its sick and crazy, i know. i'm not easy to live with. if i had been someone else, and he had never beat me, but had done everything else, would we think he was a psychopath?
Sep 20 - 9AM (Reply to #19)
better off
better off's picture

YES!

Yes, I would still think that. He has no remorse, no conscience. He is an unfeeling predator. You're not easy to live with? Didn't you say that your ex told you you are an amazing beautiful person and nothing is wrong with you? He lived with you, didn't he? Maybe your idea (and it's a very messed up idea!) that you just "aren't easy to live with" is because you have always lived with some very f**ked up people, starting with your father. Okay, let's reason together for a minute... what you are saying about this psychopath N means that you have a worldview that says this: ~When a woman acts jealous, a man should beat her. It's completely within his rights to beat a jealous woman, preferably with a belt. ~Men should be allowed to indulge in as much pornography as they want, no questions asked. ~Married men should be allowed to meet strangers on craigslist for sex, no questions asked. If a woman doesn't let her man do this, she should be beaten. She should not speak back to her man in any way, or she should be punished. I know you like belly dancing, but have you joined the Taliban??? Would you want to live in Saudi Arabia? I do not believe for one second you REALLY believe that all of that behavior is acceptable in human society, but for some reason you have decided it's acceptable for YOU. This is what I think you need to be working on with your therapist. You said you do meet with a psychologist, but is this person experienced at all in dealing with personality disorders and trauma victims?
Sep 20 - 10AM (Reply to #21)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

better off

yeah, thats my x that my husband says 'indulges me' and he 'feels sorry for'. we were together and lived toegther for 8 years. we still talk every day and are best friends, and i'm friend with the new woman. thats funnt about the taliban, i guess i never thought of it that way. he made me feeel like some kind of predator. said i 'convinced him to buy me a big ring and marry me', spent all his money and controlled him. said he couldn't do anything. I dont have an issue at all with paganism or witchcraft, but i didnt want to go to the gatherings he went to to play his drum because almost nobody there is managamous and they are usually topless and dancing and it felt like a place where married people shouldn;t be. he said i was judjemental and intolerant. i heard those word echoeing in my brain all night last night. i felt like dieing yesterday... t=better off, thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me, i really really appreciate it. i feel that my psychologist is very well trained and helpful. its been 5 months only for me since he left, and i still have to have minimal contact. its only been about a month and a half since i truly gave up on my marraige so this is all new ot me i guess... xoxox
Sep 20 - 11AM (Reply to #22)
better off
better off's picture

You SHOULD be intolerant

Of course you're intolerant! Why should anyone tolerate their husband being unfaithful? If anything you aren't intolerant enough, girl! ;-) Look, these guys are masters at telling you things you crave hearing to get you sucked in to their world, and they are also masters at telling you whatever it is that will make you feel guilty and shut up. Not because it's TRUE, but because those are your "buttons" and they know how to press them. In my sitch, when my husband was being emotionally abusive, he would accuse me of not being a good enough Christian. If I were a better Christian servant then this wouldn't be happening. They say whatever works.... so you aren't tolerant enough of paganism because you actually just don't want your husband ogling and screwing naked young women... and I'm not a Christian enough servant because I won't bow down and let my husband order me around and insult me, and I don't forgive him immediately when he has abusive drunken tirades... whatever the scenario it's just them expertly casting blame on the victim for their own HORRID behavior. If you think your Ex is a good person now, then why don't you believe HIM what he says about you, and instead you believe this lowlife that just divorced you? Why do you believe HIM, Fierflie? Out of all the people that do treat you well, and who treat all people well actually, why do you choose to believe the scumbag?
Sep 20 - 9AM (Reply to #20)
better off
better off's picture

Also, there IS NO what if he

Also, there IS NO what if he hadn't beat me? He DID beat you. Case closed. I worry for you when you say things like, well he was only violent once, or he wasn't THAT violent, or he was only violent to me. HE IS VIOLENT. That's all that matters. Some people never show any violence until the day they murder someone. He has violence in his heart (or the spot where his heart goes). Nobody put it there, least of all YOU. ((((Fierflie))))
Sep 18 - 7PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Your biggest obstacle in

Your biggest obstacle in your life today is your fear fierfly. It is keeping you in the past and the future when your only focus needs to be in the now. It has you frozen in time just as mine did at one point when i was going through the beginning of this. None of what you project for your life is reality. It simply is not real. Only this very moment as your reading this, is real. You have far more power and control in your life than you believe. You are a strong and powerful woman that has so much yet in store for your life. I want to tell you something. When I left my N it seemed as if my world was over. I just couldnt grasp the idea of being alone, independent, stable and comfortable in my skin. That sick relationship i was in validated my life in my mind, even though I was non-existent in the relationship. I was a ghost that was only to come to life when he needed me for something. I did not exist period! Most of us dont with a narcissist. Were just objects to be used. So what in the hell am I missing again? Something I never had???? Thats right!! What i am missing is an illusion. A false life. Where nothing was real; not even the clocks. I say NOTHING! I will tell you what IS real. The power you have to get your life back. The power to make your own sound choices in what is best for you. The ability to set and keep boundaries against people that can and will use you for their selfish purposes. The ability to meet new people and explore exciting new ventures. The ability to grow and find yourself after what i suspect many years of not knowing you. The ability to be successful and find love again. A good, healthy love that will fulfill you and make you grow as a person not shunt you. These are real because they have/are happening to me. Once you commit to the real side of your existence; your REAL life, your world will be forever changed dear. Reality is the only way to move forward. The ONLY way. only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Sep 18 - 7PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

aww fierflie

Dont be so hard on yourself. Was he having E.D. problems? If so I promise that had nothing to do with you it has to do with excessive masturbation which is a typical behavior for N's. Mine had the same problem. I was mortified. I couldn't stop crying but the more I read about ED the more I learned that It usually has nothing to do with the woman. As I began to read about Narcissism I found out that sexual dysfunction is almost always present in N's. So once again Its all about him even the sexual dysfunction. Aww Fierflie I hate that you are so sad. You seem so sweet. I promise you will get over this. We all will it just takes awhile. I do know this to be true as a got over this freak once before but It did take well over a year. Be patient and gentle with yourself
Sep 19 - 11AM (Reply to #7)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

sick of it.....

hey honey... no, he didn't have ED AT ALL. He could screw all he wanted. he just WOULDN'T. one time i was mad at him and hurling insults at him. i said 'you can't even f---- your wife'. he said 'not CAN'T, WON'T' He is somatic and good at it when he wants to be. he knew i got my validation from him wanting me sexually because he never really validated dme in other ways.... more and more he just kept it from me. I would come on to him and he would say 'let's do it later'. I would agree. We could do it whenever he wanted. I was so much younger and wanted it so much more. I even told him it made me feel better to be wanted in the beggining, that it made me feel pretty. he said 'i'll f--- you so much, you'll feel like miss america'. yeah right. only if i was 'good', he should have said. Only once, in four years, did he have a problem getting hard. Turned out it had infact been a porn marathon day the day before. it was all about me. he could do it, he wouldn't. thats what hurt.
Sep 19 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

No Fierflie!

IT WAS NOT YOU! He is a sick man with a real psychiatric illness. He wont be happy with someone else. I have proof of that with mine. I did not see this man for 15 years and he is still the same. One of the first things out of his mouth was his ex treated him so bad Everyone of his relationships has ended really badly and its never his fault.Its always him being a victim. Huge red flag Fierflie he will never be happy he doesnt have the capability. You are young and beautiful and have plenty of time to meet the man of your dreams. It will happen you will see it did for me. I just wish I hadnt let the creep back into my head, my heart or my life but I didnt know he had narcissism it wasnt until he started all of his crazy behavior again that I went looking for answers. At least I know now
Sep 19 - 5PM (Reply to #9)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

sick of it.....

so, can i be sure he a narc? or a psychopath? it helps me sooooooo much to believe he is. it helps me stop blaming myself. my psychologist said that he was, but he only came in to meet her like 5 times at most. i know yours came back after 15 years, that is so terrifying that he could hurt you again :( I'm so sorry. i wish i believed i could find someone. i have only met a few guys and that was online. i didnt enjoy that at all... at all.. i dont see any single guys otherwise, though. the men that come on to me are old and ugly. it makes me feel worse.
Sep 20 - 12PM (Reply to #11)
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

fireflie,

He beat you up with a belt, caused you to miscarry, and you have to question if he is a psycho? If only you would let your therapyst read that line, the bells that would go on in her/his ears! OF COURSE HE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And STOP talking to him, he IS NOT your "best friend" honey! If so, getchya some new friends!!!!!!