What do we miss?

I do miss the fantasy, and I guess I'm always going to miss it. I can live with that. Cause I know its mine. Its all mine, always has been. I miss feeling completely satisfied and happy and loved, and loving. All this never happened in reality, only in my mind. I can now distinguish very well between it, and I dont expect to experience this in reality ever. I think this is a spiritual thing, maybe this is christ consciousness that I am feeling there, or buddha, or whatever. Its not him.

Since this is a brand new day & he's running around like a crazy person trying to figure out what I'm doing..haven't had a chance to miss a single thing. I know however, I will feel the pain of my daughter not having him daily & I will miss him for her, right now I'm too mad & over it that I can't miss a single thing. Now I will miss him worrying what I've been up to considering I told his dumb tail I was sick to my stomach & he says why are u sick...now considering he has been outta my house until a week ago for a month & we aint had no "relations :). )I had to throw in I don't know maybe I'm pregnant (now if he woulda heard me talking about a bug going around work rather than ignoring me, but I digress) so now I sit with a laugh in my heart as he tries to do math in his head & wonders if I've had someone in "his" house..haha, u know these men think u aint never going to do anything wrong by them...guess he taught me one thing..how to play with your head! LOSER

I was just reading through all the comments and someone in here said it best. I think what I miss is his "broken"-ness. I have from day 1 always been a nurturer, a healer, rooting for the underdog. At the pound to pick out a puppy for my 10th birthday, instead of choosing the cutest, most vibrant puppy, I picked the sickest-looking, oldest, most pitiful dog. In class, I'd always make it a point to befriend the kid who had no friends. Watching sports, I always root for whoever is the most likely to lose. I knew from day 1 that the N was a sick man, and I think I loved him because of it, not in spite of it. Sick and twisted, right? I think the thing that has held me back the most in life is the idea that I have to bear everyone's burdens on my shoulders. I make everyone's misfortune and suffering MY problem... to the point that their misery affects me more than it affects them! I don't know the root of all this. I think it may have to do with having to witness my mother suffer so much during my childhood. She was in a physically/emotionally abusive marriage and my only memories of her are of her crying, sick, depressed. Never happy. Watching someone suffer and being powerless in the face of that is a HORRIBLE feeling. So, I think reaching out to sick creatures is my way of trying to reconcile and correct the pain my mom went through. Woah... I didn't even realize any of this until I started typing it out!

I don't miss... trying to do and be what HE needed and wanted. Nothing I did EVER was enough. the lies, the excuses, the confusion, the hours of listening to justifications, having my life be controlled, the pain the fear the depression the hazy, fuzzy, reality of living in denial! It is so good to be FREE!!

Why are your sad and ashamed? You should be very proud of your strides. What am I missing here?

I've been thinking about this for a couple of days now... and ya know... other then his body... wow that ass... I don't miss anything truly valuable about that stinking pile of shit. Yes, yes I'm guilty of doing what men do... I'm sorry ladies :(

Aww geez, I miss so much.... I miss the giant knot in my stomach day in and day out, wondering what drama was coming my way? Or what woman would follow? I miss my family, the one I set aside to be with my narc, "they didn't support our relationship" I miss the smell of my daughters hair in the morning, I sent her away to boarding school, she was competition for my narc. I miss walking into the workplace and not having my staff laugh at me as they received a scathing email from my narc disclosing intimate details of my personal life. I miss the constant strain on my income to financial support the narcs happiness.... And like so many others, I miss me. I miss my sense of self, my confidence, my smile, my optimism.

Ha! Too funny! Pretty much the same here........I often find myself asking what I miss with narc #2. He was so boring. All he wanted to do was run, cycle, drink and watch tv.........OMG!!!!!! We would have amazing sex on night #1 and after that.........eh, so so.....he wasn't as into it, he got his supply, enough to hold him over I guess. He wasn't touchy feely while watching tv. It was like being with my brother. LOL Seriously......and all he did was go on and on and on and on about himself. WHO CARES, WHO GIVES A RATS ASS?! Is what I wanted to yell! LOL BORING...........I WOULD HAVE HAD MORE FUN WATCHING PAINT DRY! Too funny when I look back on it.....

I don't miss the narchole. What I miss is the broken pipe dream. I miss thinking that I was married to someone special that shared a mutual love with me. I, also, miss the 16 years that I wasted on this self-absorbed turd, when I could have actually spent it...being happy. Xnh loving me, and my being in a happy, close marriage was only an illusion. After fighting so hard (and for so long) to believe the dream, I'm now giving myself a good kick in the butt. Xnh was wasted effort on my part. He was ALWAYS hopeless (well before I met him). The reality of my marriage was that I loved him and he loved him, too. He didn't love me. He was abusive, demeaning to me, lied like a rug, cheated, and he hates women. ALL women (including me). None of that is love. The only woman that he thinks is wonderful is his mommy. He's emotionally married to her. There was no room for me in my own marriage because of his marriage to her, and there was no room for his first ex-wife or any other lover either. To quote Princess Diana, "There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.". Xnh doesn't even truly "love" his precision hideous P daughter (grossly favored over her sister). His children are just like everyone else. They're merely NS for xnh. Xnh wouldn't know real love if it came up and bit him in the ass...and truthfully, I think it actually DID (twice). I loved him deeply, and I think his first wife did, too. Some people never find real love even once in their life. Xnh had it TWICE. He didn't deserve it either time. So what I miss about xnh is NOT xnh. What I miss is the illusion of having someone to come home to that loves me and wants to really be with me...someone that looks forward to being with me as much as I look forward to being with them. I did NOT have that with xnh. In reality, I got so that I actually dreaded coming anywhere near him. I knew that he was going to treat me like shit under his feet, and devalue me in every way possible. The "real" xnh is a truly nasty person underneath. I DON'T miss him.

I miss waking up in the same house everyday with my 12 yr old. That hurts. I do have 50% custody, so it is ok, but I don't like not being around my kid everyday. I don't miss the Narcness Monster I got more support from a jockstrap I'd feel safer having a pickpocket watch my back I don't miss the daily drama (my poor kid) I don't miss nothing ever being planned by her I don't miss being blamed for everything I don't miss being told what I did wrong 5 years ago and 6 and 3 and 7...etc I don't miss making excuses for her I don't miss being embarrassed by her I don't miss her ignorance I don't miss her self-righteousness I don't miss the abuse I don't miss the double talk I don't miss feeling stuck in hell ds

I miss being completely ignored when I was over at his place while he played video games. I miss being called a little boy, being told that I'm not feminine enough and that I have hairy legs (I don't). I miss all the lies......(sarcasm here) But seriously, I miss me. I miss the person I used to be before I met him. This new me is wiser but very resentful. Unfortunately every time I meet a new guy now I think - he's a liar.

Basically, like some of the other girls have said as well, the mask. All the, supposedly, "good" parts. I miss the mask of sanity, the person(s) they pretended to be.

I really miss Looking after our baby singlehandely while he sat on his arse on a day off getting wasted. Ordering drinks and food from me like a waitress. Sitting in a dark room on a nice day because he like everything to be gloomy. Never having Any money for ANYTHING because he took away all control of the money. Drama constantly. Being called fat every day. Yep I miss him- definately lol

one more thing... The 1am drunk booty calls - NOT! Did anyone get this on a regular basis??

I think you and I were in the same relationship ;) That pretty much sums up our activies at least after the devaluation really revved up. I will admit I miss most the sex. It was somehow amazing. I think that is a big part of my cog dis. That and the honeymoon phase I had with the person that never existed. Anyway, yeah... walking the extremely bad behaving dog, movies that SHE ALWAYS picked out, food she always picked out and had me make or buy and deliver to her! Oh and I really miss that time she came to pick me up for a date (happened only about once every other month) and didn't even bother coming to the door. Phoning it in, telling me to come outside - NICE

I dont know, Im still trying to figure that out (at times when i do miss him). He came against almost everything i said no matter what or who it was about; he constantly invalidated me; he laughed at me when i'de be talking seriously--mocking my expressions,wording,hand gestures but couldnt even crack a smile when ide joke with him; had no passion for me;lied and contradicted himself so much that i couldnt trust him;talked about himself endlessly whenever we were together;zoned-out or interupted me as soon as i'de start sharing my heart with him (such as stopping to read a lost dog sign,yawning loudly,anything but listen);never wanted to do anything together;was constantly sour;treated me like i was incompetant;never affectionate;shamelessly refused to give to our relationship but never hesitating to take from it;always said things in such a way that he could duck out of it when i try to confirm what he meant;always pulling the carpet out from under me as soon as things would seem smooth;constanly coming up with "bright" ideas so that i could be in constant irritation and suspence wondering what he's going to step in/put me through next! Why do i miss him? I dont know.Maybe i love him because he's broken. I feel sorry that he's sick. And he sure was alot better in the beginning.I guess thats in the back of my mind somewhere. Sometimes i do miss him,but i dont miss the effect he had on me.

lol Hunter...you crack me up! I think the more distance between him and me...ignoring him now for a little while...I realize...I miss nothing. He did make me laugh in the beginning. We had some good times. But, I can have a good time with just about anyone. I realize, it was a very shortlived ''relationship'' that never should have occured. So...I really miss nothing. I missed myself during the relationship, and I'm busy getting reacquainted. ;)

If he popped his ugly head up, I wouldn't miss him at all! I shoot very straight.