What do we miss?

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May 12 - 1AM
2heal
2heal's picture

Wow Hunter seriously... what

Wow Hunter seriously... what was there to miss ? Your post resonated with me. I still dont understand why this man is still in my head. We did nothing but talk, talk, talk about my issues. I had trust issues, I needed to find myself, I was too involved with my children....HUH ? (Red Flag!!!!) Talks about the OW how he is getting ready to leave her (of course very soon) blah blah blah. We would get take out and end up at his apartment. Even on a bright sunny day all the curtains drawn...darkness. We would eat and he would tell me everything I wanted to hear,how I was the one he has been waiting for,how special I was, how he could see himself falling in love...(he has not been in a serious relationship in over 10 yrs) Then we would have sex....Amazing Sex !!!!. If I saw him again the next day it would be a repeat. Once in a while we would catch a movie. That is it....!!! What the fucking hell was I doing with this guy who had nothing to offer... Nothing but charm,good talk and triangulation. There was/is nothing too miss, yet there is still something I have yet to let go of. In his apartment I always felt sick to my stomach, a feeling that one of his women had been there the night/day before....which one I would wonder...YUCK !!! he always assured me how private he was and that he does not allow other women in his apt. except ME !!!! It sounded right (as we know they are very private because of the obvious) I would buy into it but the feeling of uneasiness like something was still wrong never left me. At times I just wanted to leave as soon as we got there......SOMETHING WAS WRONG !!! I knew it but like an addict I kept participating in what I knew was toxic as my body was reacting every single time. At times I would not spend the night as I could never sleep from my anxiety of wondering why I was playing this game. I knew what I knew. Every word out of his mouth was a lie,there were many women, two I knew about, I knew he was constantly giving me hope for us to just keep me in the loop... manupilation, gaslighting... SO WHAT DO I MISS ? SOMETHING !!! What the hell do I miss ? The sex was amazing (he was into me and I have to say he was unselfish in his ways, it was all about me...unbelievable but that is how he played it) but when it was over it sucked, as I knew I gave in to him. No one misses being used and that is what I would fell like in the wake of the aftermath. The talk ? it was bullshit but CD checked in at times. The crazymaking ??? Who wants to be in that ? So what do I miss ? My answer should be nothing but my heart says something. Maybe it's just what could have been. Thanks for listening, I needed to get this out.
May 12 - 10AM (Reply to #50)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

2heal

Sex, think about it, was it really all about you? Mine made me think that but the more I think about it, it was about control! All of this BS makes me sick! Hunter
May 11 - 12PM
gratefuljen
gratefuljen's picture

The broken promises, the

The broken promises, the broken wedding vows, the broken heart, over and over and over. The one sided relationship, me giving to him. The rage, and anger that came from no where. The drinking, the lying, the girl waiting in the wings, that was just a friend. The abuse, mental, spiritual, and physical. The walking on egg shells, the fear in the pit of my stomach that I did something wrong. Losing my self, my esteem, my job, my house, my sanity. I really miss all of this,,,,,,,smiling......
May 11 - 8PM (Reply to #48)
HopeAgain
HopeAgain's picture

Grateful Jen

I couldn't have said it better myself!! Except there were no wedding vows for my commitment-phobe. Yep, the feeling in the pit of my stomach that I did something wrong and I knew the punishment that would be inflicted on me...the rages, the extreme neglect, silent treatment and verbal abuse.
May 11 - 10AM
dabussard
dabussard's picture

I miss him

I miss everything about him! His smell, his touch, his childlike playfulness, he was sooo much fun! I miss the sex, best lover I have ever had. I miss our long talks about my work, my horses, my farm, his daughter, his sheep, his friends, his cattle. I miss the texts saying whats up, good mornin, good night. I miss the butterflies in my stomach, just hearing his voice or seeing him again. I have liked this guy since high school. But must admit I wish I had left it a fantasy and not a reality, because it was such a let down when the mask slipped the real person came to surface. Now, what I don't miss: the jealiousy, the silent treatments, the control, twisting everything that I ever said, the rage, the cold empty lifeless eyes, the lies, and my subconsious telling me, I was not the only girl in is life. And, I was so tired all the time. He was draining the life out of me and I was just worn out all the time. And last, I never felt secure around him. Well, I guess the walking on egg shells all the time.
Jul 25 - 1AM (Reply to #46)
lavendar19
lavendar19's picture

Wow. I could've written this

Wow. I could've written this post- identical to my experiences. Jeez
May 10 - 9PM
Steph
Steph's picture

I miss when he called the

I miss when he called the cops on me twice because I was crying over how mean he was and scared about his rages. Man, those really were the days. hmm
May 11 - 11AM (Reply to #44)
findingmeagain
findingmeagain's picture

LMFAOOOO!!! yeah i miss him

LMFAOOOO!!! yeah i miss him making the mess nd never cleaning it up, i miss how he would talk about my weight , i miss how he was always demanding me to cater around his schedule. i especially miss his junk all over the place. yup i xoxoxo those days so much too lol!!!!
May 10 - 9PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Hunter....

I wish I could participate here...but I'm drawing a blank... Great question! Hugs....
May 10 - 1PM
dudette
dudette's picture

the first 12 months...

The 8.30am good morning gorgeous texts, the 3pm texts, the 7pn texts the good night texts, the soul bearing emails, the music and the films. The London trips, the restaurants and walks on the embankment, the gigs, the him taking charge, the sex of course, the feeling loved and cherished and valued and protected..... the excitement, the being in love again, the plans for the future, the let's run away together....the discovery of one another, the magic of his hands, his kisses and his eyes into mine..... The I love yous from the right person.... all of that gone very quikly because I never saw much of the other stuff, I dumped him fairly quikly when he started pulling away and the silent treatment began for the first time..... all I know of his real abusive behaviour is what his ex wife has told me.... CG was very very hard in the beginning.....much of realizing what he really was like came with hinsight... tough gig.....
May 11 - 12PM (Reply to #36)
findingmeagain
findingmeagain's picture

I'm so jealous ...

You actually got 12 months of bliss with yours. shyt by 6 months I knew something wasn't right but couldn't put my finger on it. And I've never gotten a "i love you" text from him ever.
May 13 - 8AM (Reply to #39)
dudette
dudette's picture

findingmeagain

ah yes, but the cognitive dissonance has been horrible.....imagie someone texting you everyday that he loves you blah blah and then suddenly turning on you like that.... I wish some times that he had never bothered. I certinaly never asked him to either....
May 15 - 6PM (Reply to #40)
findingmeagain
findingmeagain's picture

I've never got an Ilove you

I've never got an Ilove you text ever from him but he gladly does this for the OW and others. F**k that dude I won't miss nothing about him. I'm ready to move on 8 years and I've never got one. smh.
May 15 - 6PM (Reply to #41)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Findingmeagain

I was told I love you morning noon and night. WHAT GOOD DID IT DO? Same result. Narced! Hunter
Jul 26 - 1PM (Reply to #38)
Used
Used's picture

FINDINGMEAGAIN

And I've never gotten a "i love you" text from him ever. Idid from my narc i got loads of lovely texts, i showed them to the ow [who i knew nothing about]when she came looking for me to tell me she had been in a relationship with him for 3 yearsxxx. i told her all about him, he still wouldnt finish with me, so i done it for him. miss him, well when he used to dissappeared and then crawl back, he used to say DID YOU MISSED ME USED,AND I USED TO SAY YES BUT I WILL TAKE BETTER AIM NEXT TIME. PS...I CANT BELIEVE I WROTE THIS ALL THOSE MONTHS AGO...IT DOESNT EVEN FEEL LIKE ME, WRITING IT...SO HERE IS AN UPDATE..I DONT MISS HIM ANY MORE...I REALY HAVE SO MOVED ON...I REMEMBER SOME GOOD TIMES ,BUT I DONT CARE THAT THEY WERE GOOD..THE BAD TIMES,WELL THEY ARE NOW IN MY HEAD AS LEARNING CURVES...I CAN SEE HIM NOW WHEN I AM OUT..AND A COUPLE OF TIMES..I HAVENT EVEN REGISTERED IT WAS HIM.....ITS DONE AND DUSTED AND WILL REMAIN THAT WAY...I HAVE ALSO PUT AT THE TOP HE DIDNT SEND ME I LOVE YOU TEXTS...HE DID!!!!!!SO WHERE WAS MY HEAD WHEN I WAS POSTING THIS...WELL WHEREVER IT WAS ,ITS NOT THERE NOW...ITS ALMOST LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENEDXX
May 11 - 12PM (Reply to #37)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

I got one I Love You outta

I got one I Love You outta the narc and it was "I love you. . . as a friend." >.
May 10 - 7AM
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

What I Miss/Don't Miss

What I miss: The Potential What I don't miss: The Reality Still having a tough time reconciling that the potential will never keep up with the reality. Not for me or anyone else (::cough:: his new wife ::cough::). It sucks that believing in someone can turn around and bite you in the arse.
May 10 - 11AM (Reply to #29)
findingmeagain
findingmeagain's picture

you know its funny you

you know its funny you mentioned this about that word potential. i was watching celebrity apprentice and they brought that up about the word potential and when someone uses that to describe people. donald trump says people will always see that someone has potential and will think they will act on that potential but usually folks who "have potential" are just that someone who has potential and don't do anything forreal. now those were the donald's words and i think that they're words to the wise. when he said that , that made me immediately think of my ex and how i always thought for years he had potential and didn't act on any of it. good riddance and its been two weeks NC still going strong. I REFUSED TO BE USED AND ABUSED AGAIN !!!
May 10 - 4PM (Reply to #31)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

The Donald says something SMART for once!!!

I watched that last night, and boy, did that remind me of the ex-Psych prof! Donald Trump strikes me as a guy with major Narc tendencies... but he was being *WISE* that time. When he said that, I wanted to raise a glass of wine with an "AMEN BROTHER!!!!" The ex-Psych prof would talk about how he wanted to be a philosopher, how he wanted to publish a book... in the past 11 years since the final D&D, he hasn't accomplished either. The ex-P saw potential in me... I was just a college student... that he also saw in himself. I was his alter ego because, like him, I was *POTENTIAL.* When I started accomplishing things-volunteering, getting published in the college newspaper- that's when he started distancing himself, disappearing, doing the silent treatment. Some Ns/Ps target people who ACTUALLY have things-$$$, fame, possessions. My former Narc boss pals around with a famous chef as well as his boyfriend who owns an antique shop. The ex-P was a whole other kettle of fish. He targeted POTENTIAL. College students are just that--*POTENTIAL.* Over the past 8 years, I've been continuously published in newspapers&magazines. And in the past 11 years, he's been published TWICE. The ex-P saw himself as a potential philosopher-he NEVER acted on it.
May 11 - 11AM (Reply to #34)
findingmeagain
findingmeagain's picture

Hey mines wants to be a

Hey mines wants to be a teacher I'm thinking wow azzclown now wants to teach someone's child to be the same . yikes at the thought .
May 10 - 5PM (Reply to #32)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

My opinion is that Donald

My opinion is that Donald Trump is a full-blown, raging Narc, not just someone with Narc tendencies.
May 10 - 7PM (Reply to #33)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

His ex-wives, his delusions of grandeur...

AND his hair would agree! It's one of the rare times he's said something insightful. Last night, he was also talking about how he PRIDES himself on being impersonal. Yeah, he's a Narc. In the last season of "Celebrity Apprentice",he was showing off his baby boy&talking about how sex made life worth living. I'd have to be desperate to WANT to leap into bed with him. $$$ as an aphrodisiac???
May 10 - 11AM (Reply to #30)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

I saw that, too! :)

I'm not a fan of Donald Trump, exactly, but I completely agree with what he said. And yes, it made me think of the narc I had, too. (Can't call him "my" narc -- he was never "mine.") Good for you on your 2 weeks NC!!! No more loving someone's "potential." I'm on Team Meatloaf now. :) Only men with real, genuine emotions need apply.
May 9 - 9PM
TNR1
TNR1's picture

I miss the sex...

It was amazing.
Jul 24 - 9PM (Reply to #26)
strivingforhealing (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

yup. me too. the sex

I can see him for what he is...a manipulative Narc. what I am grieving is what felt like real deep love and connection in our sex. i am not romanticizing this. I have had a lot of sex, and alot of bad sex...and this was sensual, soft, connecting.... how is he capable of this? He said many times- that he and I had something deep, he had with no one else.....I think it is dangerous for me to give this much energy right now- don't you agree? I am only NC 8 weeks and any longing for him/the sex is a slippery slope to then thinking "it wasn't so bad" and the truth is- my heart, my soul, my mind was dying a slow death with him.....He made me question my very core...
Jul 24 - 10PM (Reply to #27)
rosedewittbukater
rosedewittbukater's picture

me too

me too, but please don't fall into that trap! We all have a chance to resurrect ourselves now and live again! You are still in early stages of NC it will get better
May 9 - 10PM (Reply to #25)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Yeah, me too. ;o(

Yeah, me too. ;o(
May 9 - 9PM
wacaet
wacaet's picture

I miss the fantasy he built

I miss the fantasy he built in the beginning...the text messages saying things like "run away with me, I have money" him telling me he had an apartment in Austria (where he traveled for work) which was a lie....I miss the idea he planted that I had a chance to have a child (at 43 it was a really slim chance!) I miss the fantasy but I do not, not in the least miss the pain, the uncertainty, the tears, the fears, the scared and nervous person he turned me into, I don't miss not eating, not sleeping, staring at my phone, willing it to ring. I don't miss his drunk calls in the middle of the night, his lies, him standing me up over and over again. I don't miss knowing that something was horribly wrong but not being able to face reality. I don't miss hurting my family and my husband, jeopardizing my job and my friendship with others, getting an apartment I couldn't really afford so I'd have a place to be with him and then having him never come, not once. What an asshole he is!
May 10 - 6AM (Reply to #23)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Wacaet

WOW. Same Narc different Body. I swear there is a Narc book! Hunter
May 9 - 9PM
kgirl
kgirl's picture

Hmmmm....I would say the

Hmmmm....I would say the energy, adventure and fun....it was a highly charged relationship! But it became highly charged in a negative way. What goes up must come down....ugh! Boy did I fall hard! ~KG