The Path Forward Virtual Retreat Febuary 2021!



empty68's story

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#1 Nov 24 - 9AM
empty68
empty68's picture

empty68's story

I've been dating my partner for nine years (found out just last week he's a N after researching online). We do not live together. After one of his mind twisting tests he gave me last Wednesday, I became angry and told him to stop testing me to which he responded he will test me whenever he feels like it for as long as he feels like it. I said well find somebody else to test, not me. He asked me if I was serious and I should "swear to God" I mean it and I said yes. He then said okay, have a nice life and he hung up.

I didn't hear from him until yesterday. He sent me a text message "hi, how r u? Happy? Having fun yet?"...I didn't respond. Then he started calling my cell phone, then my job, then he texted me again "r u ok?"..he left me a voice message, "hi babe, even if you do not want to speak to me, let me know you're okay"... He kept calling until I finally caved in and called him back... told him I was in a meeting (which I wasn't)... he said, sorry, I just wanted to make sure you're okay, I said I was fine and we hung up.

He called me again a while after to find out how many text messages I received from him and whether I received one @9am, I said no. He said okay, he wasn't sure if he sent a message he typed in anger. I said no, end of conversation.

I haven't spoken to him since then, but I have a feeling he's going to start harassing me. I'm afraid of him, I'm not sure how to handle him. He has physically abused me about four times during our relationship, the last time being in September. He punched and kicked me, however, when he kicked me, he fell back and somehow fractured his elbow. I suffered a gaping wound right on right eyebrow, blood came gushing out. I didn't go to the hospital.

I know I should have had stitches. I tried my best to conceal it from family and friends with an eyebrow pencil... I think they could tell I had a cut there, but they didn't ask. Anyway, of course, I was left to internalize my injury both physically and mentally...

no one to comfort me. He made up some story to his family about how he fractured his elbow (he fell when he was drunk) and they supported and helped him. All his friends joked about how it was me who broke his arm... he was loving all the attention he was getting... if only they knew what really happened I thought to myself... made me sick to my stomach.

There are so many things I'm realizing about his behaviour and can relate to him being a N. All the sexual perverted behaviours and favours I did to please him. Whenever I told him I didn't enjoy something sexually, he told me I was in denial and it's in me...he knows me better than I know myself...

I was emotionally traumatized when I met him having come out of a previous abusive relationship... I fell right back into the same thing... I'm just so sick and disgusted with myself... how, why did I put myself through this?

I just want to run and hide, but I have a daughter who needs me...

Jan 8 - 3PM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I just wanted you to know

being in an experience VERY similar to mine and how far down the wrong path this bad bad bad man lead you that whatever shame you are feeling now is NOT in anyway caused by anything we did, they are 100% to blame for their pathology and the sick and diabolical methods they used to swindle and con us into their disturbed world. If he would have told you from day one this is what he wanted from you would you have agreed? But they never show us what they REALLY are now do they, they first have to secure our trust and love before they really move in for the kill. This is the true nature of this sick cowards. Mine also during the intense moments of sex would play in my mind these sick sexual scenes, how would like another man, or woman, or three men, or this or that be doing this to you, you would love that wouldnt you, bla bla bla I too heard, I would love you forever and more if you did this with me, bla bla bla and I came very close to trying it too. Although I never had group encounters with this creature one on one there was some pretty strange things I gave into. We are no more to blame than all the rest of their victims they brainwash, lie to, manipulate, con, betray, and swindle. Why should we feel shame for acts forced upon us by some psychopath that projected his disorder on to us? It was nothing more than a dangerous psychological game we got trapped into and I will be damned if I will spend the rest of my life feeling shamed for the behavior of a disturbed person that took me for a ride to hell and back. No matter what you did you walk away with your head held high and never feel ashamed that you fell victim to nothing more than a dangerous predator. Never let him know you are ok, for he doesnt CARE, they are not concerned about our welfare trust me. Did they care when they were sexually violating us? We want to believe somewhere inside their sickness that they truly did not want harm to come to us, If they cared why do they put on the mask to hide who they truly are? Because they are hiding their sick self only to lure their victims, and he asks you if you are ok? I always wanted to tell mine thats like asking the victim after you raped them, "are you ok"? Of course we are NOT ok and they could care less, so why bother even responding. We know they are FAR from ok and I know one day I will again be ok only if I continue to distance myself from this vile and sick man, what would I possibly have to say to this individual that did this to my life? Whose welfare is more important, mine or his? MINE. Let them self destruct and live in their private hell and let us heal and discover a more rewarding life.
Dec 21 - 3PM
moving on
moving on's picture

Become Sane

Hi there, I read through some of those text messages and this guy is one word: INSANE. Hence, the opposite of what you want which is to feel like a normal person again. You must cut off all contact. This includes blocking his text messages or getting a new number. Do everything you can to make sure he does not contact you. And definitely do not contact him. This guy's ego is hurt and his pride is shot...he cares more about those two things than he does you. Let another woman deal with this hot mess...go get yourself a massage, mani/pedi, and maybe some new highlights? Then get on a treadmill or elliptical and drink some grapefruit juice. Honestly, you're so much better than him and this situation. You're wasting your precious time when you could be doing something that makes you happy. Do what makes you happy and get away from him!!!
Dec 16 - 1PM
empty68
empty68's picture

having a hard time....

going NC...I haven't spoken to him, but I feel I must read his TMs to gauge his mood/whereabouts, etc....I'm afraid of what he'll do if I block his #...I don't want him to resort to other means of getting to me...I changed the locks on my door and if he turns up at my job or anywhere I will call the police...

```Live,Laugh,love```

Dec 16 - 5PM (Reply to #42)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

empty68

I completely understand where you're coming from, I did the same thing in the beginning ~ I read mostly because I was worried that he'd pull something, threaten to do something to ruin my rep, etc...fortunately, my fears were unfounded and he eventually just went away.
Dec 17 - 3PM (Reply to #43)
empty68
empty68's picture

quietude...

Thanks for sharing your experience...I don't think my ExN is going away anytime soon....He told me not to threaten him and said he would die or go to prison for me and be proud of it too....what a psycho...He's pushing me about couple therapy...I told him therapy cannot erase the fact that he physically abused me...he became enraged and reminded me of the couple of occasions I got physical too with him too...mind you, this was once when I was drinking alcohol came home and took a sleeping pill on top of it & had no idea what happened after that...I didn't even know how/when/why I did it...then the 2nd time was at a time he threw the first punch...I started to throw them back in frustration... How long did it take for your ExN to eventually go away?

```Live,Laugh,love```

Dec 17 - 10PM (Reply to #45)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

empty68

why aren't you MAKING him go away? Restraining order seems to be in order here. and NO CONTACT... change your numbers, block, delete, block... why are you still TALKING TO HIM?? ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Dec 17 - 3PM (Reply to #44)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

empty68

Well, our stories are a bit different...my ex was a garden-variety narc, I would say. He never threatened me in the way that you have been by yours. And I think what you're describing is 'reactive abuse' ~ as to why you went after him. I believe this has been discussed here if you wanted to look it up... I had some communication early on after his attempts to want to mend fences with me after D&D of all things, and I left him with an impression of being sad, confused, very disoriented. Which I WAS, and I think him thinking that way might have lead him to eventually giving up for whatever reason. But it very well could have been that he found another supply, which I'm sure he has... We didn't have a big blow-up fight or anything. He pursued me for about 6 months after abandoning me, no word since. Often with these types, they do try to control us with fear from afar. That being said, please be careful, and keep up the strict No Contact. It really works.
Dec 16 - 2PM (Reply to #41)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

empty68 - wrong

reading his TMs is contact NC is for YOU not him BLOCK HIM... get a new number... no texts, IMs, emails... NOTHING!! He's controlling you through FEAR!! you will NOT GET BETTER until you do. ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Dec 4 - 8AM
empty68
empty68's picture

He came by yesterday....

To return some things I left at his house as he is being kicked out of it in the near future....brought a dozen red roses. He talked and I didn't say a word....He said I've taught him alot in a short space of time and he's realizing how he took me for granted, etc. We have a mutual friend who's daughter passed away recently, he asked if we could attend the funeral together, no strings attached...I said nothing....He asked me if I had anything to say, I said no...He was very calm, seemed genuine...didn't harass or push any further...he didn't stay very long as I had to leave to pick up my daughter....This is so hard...despite everything I still love him but I'm know the deal....

```Live,Laugh,love```

Dec 12 - 8AM (Reply to #39)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Empty68

I just read this thread from top to bottom. I commented a few weeks ago. Now I read this long list of text messages from this whack job. I say again, get a restraining order. Just a print out of the excessive text messages plus the cut to your eyebrow--all enough for a judge to issue the order. If he contacts you in any way, the police will arrest him and prosecute him for violation of the restraining order. If you really want no contact you are going to have to be tough. Beware! He's the one who is empty & needs your emotions to fill his void. These texts are abusive . . . he's pushing into your space . . . transgressing your boundries. Not respecting your wish for no contact. The man is a jerk.
Dec 5 - 11PM (Reply to #38)
mmacali (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

empty68 -

Throw your cell phone over a bridge and get a pay-as-you-go phone. Have someone else represent you in any future dealings. Leave no string untied. My N can't find/call/see me and if he could my 6 days of NC would be in jeopardy. Stay strong...my N tells me the same endearing love lies every time I move out.
Dec 4 - 4PM (Reply to #37)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

empty68

that was CONTACT he should have left the stuff. PERIOD NO FLOWERS... you should NEVER have taken them and YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE EVEN LET HIM TALK. Just leave the stuff.. and you WALK AWAY. Back to square one. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem
Dec 2 - 3PM
empty68
empty68's picture

More messages...

10:13P HAPPY ANNIVERSAY…CUD HAVE HAVE BEEN. 11/29/09 – 9:38A I KNOW U R PISS RIGHT NOW, BUT SO AM I..I WONDER WHAT UR XHUSBAND MENT WHEN HE USETO TELL U “U R COLD” MMM, CUD IT B THAT UR R JUST THIS WAY EVEN B4 HIM? I SPEAK OF ALL U DID FOR ME N TOTALLY FORGETTING, I DID QUITE A BIT FOR U TOO,MEANING, I NEVER GOTTEN ANY CREDIT OF BEEING NOT SUCH A BAD PEARSON AFTER ALL.. ITS ALL ABOUT U BUT THERE IS SOMETHING U R NO ONE CAN DENI ME CREDIT FOR….I’VE ALLWAYS HONESTLY TRULY LOVED U , NO MATTER WHAT. 11/29/09 – 11:03A I KNOW I’M NO LONGER WELCOME BY U, BUT U R ALLWAYS WELCOME BY ME, I AM INVITING U DOWN TODAY xxx N xxxx COMING OVER TO COOK “SO THEY SAY” SO PLZ COME N LETS START WKING ON PUTTING OUR NEW N EXITING RELATIONSHIP TOGATHER N LEVING OUR PAST BEHIND US(URS, OURS N MINE) YES, EASER SAID THAN DONE…. BUT WAY DEEP DOWN U KNOW WE WANT TO. SO SHAKE THOSE NEGATIVE FEELINGS N ATLEAST COME N C IF U FEEL THE VIBES… I KNOW U MISS US, N WE MISS U VERY, VERY BAD… WE SAY WE NEVER LOVE LIKE THIS B 4 THINK,LOVE LIKE THIS IS POWER TO OVERCOME ANYTHING, IF WE DIDN’T LOVE LIKE THIS THEN WE CUDNT.plz come down one more time n c? 11:21a BABE, STAYING MAD IS NOT GOING TO HELP, I KNOW U R READING THEASE TXES…R U COMING? THIS IS NOT JUST ANYONE, THIS “ME” OK, THE LOVE OF UR LIFE,(REMEMBER) START GETTING READY IM PICKING U UP IN 35MINS. C U THEN, LOVE U TOO. 12:12P BABE, R U ALMOST READY? I HAVE TO GET BACK RIGHT AWAY. 12:24P AGAIN, I KNOW UR READING THE TXS, ARNT U TREATING ME LIKE A CHILD NOW? 12:33P GET THE UNLIMITED TX PLAN.CUZ IM NOT GIVING UP. 1:54P REALY NOT FUNNY NIGRO… U MUST LIKE WHEN I BEG… OK IM BEGGING 5:15P BABE, pLZ DON’T MISS OUT, COME NOW N SUPRIZE EVERYONE 8:01P C HOW U PLAY STUBURN N MISS UR OWN BREAKING UP PARTY… N U TALK ABOUT ME. 8:41P IF IT TAKES ME THE REST OF MY LIFE, I WILL MAKE U LOVE ME AGAIN. 10:42P I HAD ABOUT 20 PEOPLE BY ME TODAY IT WAS A BLAST, A COOK CLASH BETWEEN xxx N xxx, IT CUD HAVE BEEN FOR OUR 9TH. HOW LONG R U GONNA SPITE ME FOR? 10:55P IM NOW LOOKING AT THE ALBUM U MADE ME WITH TEARS DRIPPING FROM MY EYES, I FEAR THE MOST IF U KEEP IGNORING ME I MIGHT GIVE UP. 11:07P BABE, HAVE A GOOD NIGHT…WISHING WE WERE MAKING LOVE N SLEEPING TO GATHER RIGHT NOW. 11/30/09 – 10:49A HEY BABE, AFTER LOOKING AT THE ALBUM LASTNIGHT I WAS THINKING, ALL THE STUFF U HAVE AS MEMORYS OF US TOGATHER, INSTEAD OF THROWING THEM AWAY LIKE U DID ME… CUD U AT LEAST LET ME HAVE N KEEP THEM FOR WHAT THEY REALLY STAND FOR, AS THEY MEAN NOTHING TO U, CUZ THE xxx I KNEW N LOVED IS IN THOSE THINGS, NOT U. 2:04P PLZ DON’T BE MAD AT ME FOR TXIN U SO MUCH IT WILL SOON STOP, IM JUST SO USETO TALKING TO U N TELLING U EVERYTHING EVERYDAY. TODAY I START PACKING BOXES WITH… STUFF I ONLY NEEDS,I HAVE TO LEVE EVERYTHING ELS IN THE HOSUE CUZ I HAVE NO WHEAR TO PUT THEM, N WILL SLEEP IN MY CAR FOR NOW, I HOPE IT WILL BENEFIT SOMEONE.. THE LIGHT N EVERYTHING ELS WILL CUT OFF SOON AS I CANT PAY ANYMORE, LOOK AT MY ACCNTS ULL C,DON’T KNOW WHAT 2 DO. MY WHOLE LIKE CAVED IN, IM STARTING TO C WHY… SOME PEOPLE CHOOSE TO END THEIR LIFE, IM NOT TRYING TO MAKE U FEEL SORRY FOR ME CUZ EVEN GETTING BACK TOGATHER WUDNT LET ME STAY AT UR HOUSE, FACE UR… DAUGHTER N FAMILY FOR A VERY LONG TIME R TAKE MONEY FROM U AGAIN, ITS JUST THAT WHEN UR WITH ME ITS NOT SO SAD N I CAN DO ANYTHING… I KNOW U FEEL EMPTY HURT N CONFUSED NOW, SO DO I,HANG IN THERE BABE B TRY TO HAVE A GOOD DAY, CUZ NO MATTER HOW STUPID I AM,I LOVE U IF TXIN U IS ALL I CAN DO NOW, PLZ DON’T TAKE THAT AWAY. GOING NOW TO C WHAT I NEED TO PUT IN THE BXS. I WISH U WERE HELPING ME.PS REENA GOT U A CHRISTMAS GIFT. ALSO I THOUGHT UD LIKE TO KNOW, I STOPPED DRINKING FOR MORE THAN ONE REASONS, IM NEVER GONNA B THAT PERSON AGAIN N I DON’T WANT TO WITHOUT U.TX U LATER, LOVE U. 2:43P O, xxxx START WKIN AT xxxx BAR ON FRI…BABE THEASE R THE THINGS I WUD NORMALLY SAY TO U ON THE PHONE. 3:42P THE CAR FRONT END (WEELS) GOTTEN A LOT WORST N THE CIMPUTER COMPLETELY STOP WKING. I CANT DO ANYTHING ON LINE…HA,HA,WHATS NEXT. JUST BRING IT. xxxx IS GONNA RETURN MY CHRISTMAS GIFT SO SHE CAN HELP ME PAY A BILL…ISNT THAT SAD. 5:14P K, I PACKED OBE BX, I CUD ONLY FOCUS ON THINGS U GOT ME N THINGS THAT REMINDS ME OF U. DRIVE HOME SAFE.

```Live,Laugh,love```

Dec 2 - 3PM
empty68
empty68's picture

Some more of his messages.....

I'm sharing so others can see the craziness..I'm saving them for when I go to see a therapist. I cracked and responded to only one of them... 11/26/09 – 2:34A FWD: PS. HAPPY T.G... NO WAY I CAN LOVE U MORE THAN I DO ...I KNOW I DONT DESERVE IT BUT THANK U VERY, VERY MUCH FOR TALKIING TO ME .. MY ONE N ONLEY..BABE 8:45A GOOD MORNING HAPPY THANKSGIVING, TODAY I GIVE THANKS FOR KNOWING U 10:31A I CALLED MY CLIENT MOLI, THE THERYPIST, DIDN’T GET HER, I LEFT HER A MSG…IN THE MEEN WHILE HELP ME IN ANY WAY U CAN PLZ 2:29P DONE COOKING, IT TASTE WICKED, HAVE NO APPETITE, ILL SAVE SOME TO SHARE WITH U…PLZ SAVE ME SOME OF URS…..LOVE U 4:16P PLZ..PICK ONE NICE THING ABOUT N SAY IT TO UR FAMILY 11/27/09 – 1:30A BABE IN SUCH A SHORT TIME I HAVE SO MUCH DIFFERENT KIND OF LOVE, RESPECT, APROCE N UNDERSTAND TOWARDS U N UR FEELINGS…CANT WAIT TO EXERCISE THEM 11:34A HI, GOOD MORNING 8:57P EVERYONE N MYSELF MISSING U SO MUCH…(BUT)…THINK ABOUT IT, IT ALWAYS TAKES 2 TO TANGO. 11/28/09 – 8:13P I HEARD UR SIDE, NOW THIS IS MINE…I MET U THE WAY U R, I MIGHT HAVE MADE IT WORST,BUT,I ALSO REMEMBER MANY TIMES ASKING U TO TRY N NOT B THAT WAY, INSTED… U CHOOSE N PRACTICE TO BE THIS WAY N HAVE THE NERVE TO BLAME ME NOW. BULL SHIT! I HAVE A PROBLEM THAT HAPPENED 4 TIMES TOO MANY IN 9YEARS, I THOUGH THE POWER THE POWER OF TWO PEOPLES LOVE WAS TO HELP EACHOTHER OVERCOME SUCH PROBLEMS, GUSS NOT…U EVER THINK SOMETIMES THE WAY U R, WHAT U DO N SAY DRIVE ME… DRIVE ME FRGN NUTS N BRING THIS OUT OF ME? I GUSS I SHUD JUST BLAME U FOR THAT THE, U R NO ANGEL N NOT EASY TO DEAL WITH EITHER N U KNOW EXACTLY… WHAT I MEAN…WHAT WE HAVE CREATED TOGATHER IN 9 YEARS, FRIENDS, INVIERMENTS, MEMORIES, FUN,LOVE,SEX ETC..,U SWITCHED IT OFF LIKE A LIGHT BULB N THREW… THAT N ME AWAY LIKE GARBAGE. U INSULTED ME BAD WHEN U SAID NEVER TO CALL UR DAUGHTER PHONE AGAIN AS IF I WAS SOME STRANGER R DANGER TO HER,I THOUGHT THAT WAS.. ONE OF THE REASONS I HAD HER NUMBER? IF I KNOW U WELL, UVE TAKEN OUR PIC OFF UR LIVING ROOM WALL N WIPE THE MIRROW IN UR BEDROOM CLEAN B4 ANYONE GOT THERE… CUZ U PANTED THIS PIC OF ME TO UR FAMILY THAT U CANT TAKE BACK N AS LONG AS LIFE LAST THEY’LL NEVER THINK DIFFERENT.DID U TELL THEM HOW U R? MY FAMILY LOVE… N ADORE U. I WUDNT LET THEM THINK OTHERWISE NO MATTER WHAT. IF I WASNT CONTROLLING CAN U IMAGINE HOW U WUD DECIEVE N TWIST ME ROUND UR FINGER LIKE N IDIOT BY… NOW JUST LIKE UR SISTERS DO THEIR MAN IN THEIR PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS. I GUSS ITS OK WHEN U GUYS R THE CONTROLER, REMEMBER THIS WHEN U FIND SUCH A MAN U WILL… LEVE OR CHEAT ON HIM WITH A MAN LIKE ME, I KNOW U. I KNOW U PLANED THIS CUZ U LEFT NO CLOTHES AT MY HOUSE, U DID THIS WHEN I NEEDED U THE MOST, THANKS A LOT… I BEGGED LIKE A DOG N FELT AFTER SO LESS OF A MAN, I WUD RATHER DIE THAN STOOP TO THAT LEVEL AGAIN…I WILL NEVER AGAIN PUT MY HANDS ON U R ANY OTHER WOMAN… I WILL ALWAYS LOVE N MISS U, IF U EVER HAVE A CHANGE OF HEART N WANT TO CONTINUE ON WITH ME, B 4 U EVEN GO ON A LUNCH DATES WITH A “GOOD LISTENER” I DON’T… KNOW WHERE I MIGHT LIVE, IF ANYWHERE, U KNOW MY NUMBER FELL FREE TO CALL, IF NOT TAKE CARE N GOOD LUCK. TRY NOT TO HATE ME SO MUCH… CUZ HONESTLY UR R THE ONLY ONE WHO DO… UNLIKE U, I WILL TREASURE OUR MEMORIES…GOOD BYE….(*BAB*)…ps.I WILL CALL NO ONE ELSE BY THE NAME,BABE.

```Live,Laugh,love```

Jan 8 - 12PM (Reply to #33)
BlueMoon
BlueMoon's picture

OMG

I am so serious this could have been my N. The circuitous babblespeak- the giving with one hand then taking with the other... "You're not the princess you think you are honey..." "Now your family thinks less of me...have you told them what YOU DO??" "Yea, like your sister's marriage is SSSOOOO Perfect...." OH MY GOD.
Jan 9 - 3PM (Reply to #34)
ForeverLearning
ForeverLearning's picture

Exactly - I Have Heard This Crap Too

The Narc I am familiar with says exactly the same type stuff. You can feel the hate oozing out of the statements. And the low self esteem they have! But mostly the hate and anger. Weird huh. Very nasty stuff.
Dec 2 - 4PM (Reply to #32)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

empty68

call your cell company tell them you just left an abuser have him blocked if you can't GET A NEW CELL NUMBER NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't even be bothered to 'decode' his BLAH BLAH BLAH B.S. NO CONTACT!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem
Nov 25 - 8AM
empty68
empty68's picture

Received another text message early this morning....

Said "hope ur happy now, good luck with who you've met, I'm sure he's a very good "listener" (this is something he's dragging up from my past)..thank u very much for everything you've done for me...IOU $3350 ASAP.....take care, u'll find happiness, u've chgd me in many ways, thanks..I will always love n deeply miss u...(*Babe*)." I sent a msg back saying "if assuming I have another man makes it easier for you to deal with this, knock urself out".. He replied.."honestly, it makes it harder..but it don't get more honest than swearing to God"... I didn't respond any further....

```Live,Laugh,love```

Nov 29 - 10AM (Reply to #30)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

This is just nuts!

As an outsider to your relationship, reading this text from him . . . the man is nuts! This makes no sense what he writes. And, he's luring you into contact with the money owed. Most people would want the money. You are concerned that he thinks there is another man! You're concerned about what he thinks! Anyhow, if you want the money & think you can get it . . . have a lawyer contact him for it. But a lawyer may cost more than the $3K is worth. So if that is all the money you lost in this relationship, you did ok. Many have lost fortures to these guys. And if I get this right, it's an excessive number of texts? And he hurt you in September & then hurt himself . . . & you covered for him? Have you ever thought of printing out out these texts & going to the court for an RO against him? Between the injury in September & the excessive texting & the jealousy against a non-existent boyfriend, I think you have all the ingredients for an RO. Maybe in assault & battery charge for September AND larceny for the $3K he wrote about. (Mine, I would not have gone through all that because he would have assassinated my character in court.) Nevertheless, you need to stay away from your N. He hurt you & you covered for him & didn't get treatment to minimize the scaring to your face to protect him! He's brainwashed you really well. He's really nuts. I see it in this text msg you printed here. Mine got into some cryptic thinking at times. Sorta psychotic at times I almost thought. But your N has been physically violent. And you were in it with him for 9 years. He may be fragmenting & disintergrating without you. Be careful.
Nov 25 - 9AM (Reply to #12)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

NO CONTACT!

WHY ARE YOU RESPONDING TO HIM!!???!?!?! NO CONTACT!!! BLOCK HIM - you will never heal or recover as long as there is ANY CONTACT!! It will NOT end just because you answer. DO NOT RESPOND AGAIN. EVER. Delete/ block all emails and IMs Return all mail, packages, flowers "DELIVERY REFUSED" Copy any abusive threatening Texts, delete the rest but DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!! Answering will not make it stop. READ: http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/08/01/no-no-list-after-you-or-he-leaves ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem
Nov 25 - 9AM (Reply to #13)
empty68
empty68's picture

I don't want him to think

that I have a man....damn, I don't know....pathetically, I feel sorry for him in a way and I feel as though I've abandoned him....he's about to lose his house, now he's lost me....he screws up everything and doesn't even realize he's the one with the problem.....ughhhhh, I HATE THIS!!

```Live,Laugh,love```

Jan 9 - 4PM (Reply to #29)
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

I know the feeling of

I know the feeling of abandoning a child remember they have adult intellectual intelligence but they have the emotional intelligence of a 6 to 9 year old. You can't leave and stay at the same time. The part you might want to focus on is his adult capability to write babble game junk to you so that you are totally confused all the time. When I read his 'stuff' I got disoriented I got really confused somewhere around Thanks giving and the IOU. I worked for a politician who was the world expert on babble junk and as he had to deal with the press a lot he used it on them when he didn't want to give a real interview. he would jump subjects, use all nouns, etc. It was a scream to watch these reporters dutifully writting his babble junk down and then when they got back to their papers or stations there was nothing there. He was in office for 50 years and totally confused generations of reporters. One day I ran into a newly retired political correspondent from a major paper and asked him how he survived the babble. He said he knew it was real when there was no reference to the St Patrick's Day parade but if he heard anything about parades he just left the press conference. the politiican always slipped in something about the St.Patrik's day parade, which never made any sense, when he was babbling the press! I am laughing now thinking of it. He was a naricissist and knew how to use babble like a bandit. I think this guy sending you the ton of babble junk is just gaming you. No Contact will calm your nervous system down and get your brain back on track. Confusion is what he is doing to you as an abuse format. Mr. Babble Junk owes you money but don't wait for the check to come in the mail. You should never loan money and think you are going to get it back. It could be his babble is to cover up the real thing that he owes you money-a form of the St. Patrick's Day Parade defense! Save that e-mail as he is stating that he owes you that money. you can take him to small claims court which has a fee but small. There are no lawyers and you file your own papers. You can get a judgement against him-it is like Judge Judys Court on TV. Most areas use lawyers to hear the cases and it is very non-threatening. When you win he will also have to pay your fees. In some areas the local sheriff's dept. will do the collection for you including garnisheeing paychecks. You will be ok just watch out for the St. Patrick's Day parade babble junk. You will laugh at this eventually but you are going through a tough time now. Be patient with the situation it will change as you distance from him. Something you can do is have a saying to repeat when you start getting confused make one up, or look in some books, one I read is: Divine love is doing its perfect work in this situation now.
Nov 25 - 12PM (Reply to #18)
Ellen
Ellen's picture

empty68

Hi empty68, Why do you think i never left any of my men at the right time............cos i felt sorry for them, blamed myself for the being the horrid one. Those words he texted you triggered something in me when i read them........pity for him only for a second. Then the me now says no way stay away. Don't feel bad just run and get on with life cos he won't pity you when he d&d's you and that is the worst experience of my life.
Nov 25 - 12PM (Reply to #19)
empty68
empty68's picture

Hi Ellen, I'm really trying

Hi Ellen, I'm really trying to be strong and bracing myself for the next communication from him....Recently, before I ended the relationship, and I guess right after he physically abused me, I said few words to him....The night he abused me and I left I swore I would never return but knowing he was injured, I was concerned and made contact and since then it's as if I've been in a trance, not knowing what I'm feeling, confused, not being able to focus, numb....When I told him I feel numb, he made some frail attempt to sound concerned and quickly dismissed it and suggested I need to let loose, drink rum, etc. Our weekends consisted of rotating around three local bars...I willingly drank alongside him to escape all the negative thoughts flooding my mind....I used to wonder to myself, what the hell am I doing to myself? If my family ever knew what I was doing or where I was every weekend, they would be shocked. I can't believe I allowed him to convince me to get into the swingers lifestyle....when I did, he told me I "completed" him and he was totally in love with me when I participated in all his perverted sexual activities. It was horrible....I pretended the whole time, faked orgasms, etc....then I'd have to listen to him re-live the events and drill into me how much I enjoyed it, etc...I couldn't bring myself to reveal it was just an act. I did tell him many times, I'm doing it to please him, but he would always turn it around and tell me I do enjoy it, but I'm in denial and that I have a very high sex drive....ugh...When we had sex, he'd fantasize out loud different scenes involving me and other people....he often told me to fantasize about someone in our surroundings who I was attracted to....I told him there was no one...I'd have to make someone up (usually a well known celebrity) so he could get his kicks...

```Live,Laugh,love```

Jan 8 - 12PM (Reply to #27)
BlueMoon
BlueMoon's picture

sex with other people

mine tried to get me to do that too, with the same explanation...he was relentless
Jan 9 - 3PM (Reply to #28)
ForeverLearning
ForeverLearning's picture

Yes, Instant Red Flag

No doubt, this has got to be a universal red flag, when they edge you towards 3-somes and group sex. HUGE NO NO! Never ends well in the long run. I promise. Never!!!! Loving human relationships are a 2 party endeavor.
Nov 25 - 2PM (Reply to #24)
Ellen
Ellen's picture

Don't communicate

Hi empty68, You DON'T have to communicate with him. I'm not and am NC. It is working just give it a try see how long you can and keep coming on here. Post everything you think, feel, like i have, you will get an answer and guidance and you will begin to change. Really you don't have to do this to yourself. You are like me and probably many others very understanding and empathetic. Perverted sex acts.........what the hell, thats not love is it.
Nov 25 - 3PM (Reply to #25)
empty68
empty68's picture

Hi Ellen, Thanks....I'll

Hi Ellen, Thanks....I'll keep checking in. I used to ask him, how can you love someone and want to see them have sex with someone else? He said it's just sex and it takes a special relationship based on trust, etc., to be able to indulge in that lifestyle....

```Live,Laugh,love```

Nov 25 - 4PM (Reply to #26)
Ellen
Ellen's picture

Yuk

Yuk Yuk i feel sick, How dare he do that to you when you loved him.............USER. Put them all on an island and watch them manipulate each other and suck each others souls out. Let them orgy away. At least we will have peace!
Nov 25 - 2PM (Reply to #20)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

empty68

bracing myself for the next communication from him BLOCK HIM and CHANGE YOUR NUMBER IF NECESSARY... brace NOTHING - NO CONTACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you will NOT HEAL OR RECOVER if there is an iota of contact! I'm also afraid of what he'll do if I continue to ignore him like what? what could he do? or are you afraid of being alone? Please get into therapy ASAP ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem