Hi everyone. :)
I've been having a rough couple of weeks and I'm not really sure why. I still feel unsettled and sad, even though I've been NC for a few months now. Whatever - not the point.
I met with my therapist today and we dug in to how I've been feeling lately, how I felt as the relationship was ending, and how I felt during the relationship. She said that based upon my reactions during and after the relationship that my ex (who she's never met) sounds like he could be Borderline.
I know it doesn't really matter WHAT the disorder was at this point. It's not going to change my commitment to NC or anything. But, I'm trying so hard to heal and it would be helpful to ask some questions of those who have dealt with BPD.
The difference between my ex-fiance (who I'm SURE was an N) and my last ex is significant. My fiance definitely had the mask. Looking back, the relationship was pretty shallow. He was just so damn interesting (lol) that everything was always about him. He learned which buttons to push to get me going, but he never really got to know me.
This latest one was so different. It's like he wanted to know everything about me. Not in the way of ex-fiance, but deeper. Like he didn't just want to know me, he wanted to ...absorb me. For example, when we started dating, he emulated me. Started speaking like me, smoking my brand of cigs, that kind of thing. It seemed less like a mask, and more like he was taking my identity and genuinely assuming it, believing that's who he was. It's like he had no identity without me. IDK - I know that sounds weird, but has anyone else experienced this?