I would love hear the cheesiest things they ever said to you. I need a good laugh. Come on ladies I know you have some. Really these guys are pretty cheesy if you think about it.
It used to be that after every summer vacation, I'd call the ex-Psych professor all about my summer doings. Of course, this would show the usual give/give/give (on my part) and take/take/take (on his). He'd get obviously bored when I talked about picking berries in Oregon, seeing Yellowstone (he deemed it overrated)... I'd ask about his, and he'd be laconic. I'd ask why I did ALL the talking. He'd say "I like listening to your voice."
But this is the same guy who'd say "I like watching you cry."
Mine did ask me if i was a hard a$$....he said i am,you can do anything sexual to me but do not even stick a tweegie in my a$$....i still do not know where that came from....weird sickos
Almost two years after he married me, he said: "I was never sexually or emotionally connected to you. I thought my love for you would transform you the way [ex-girlfriend's] love transformed me."
I guess that chunk of change I bought into the marriage to buy a house above his financial means made up for that lack of sexual or emotional connection. However, I do wish he had told me that BEFORE he married me that he was neither sexually nor emotionally connected to me.
Early on in the "relationship",the ex-Psych professor said that he was a BIG FAN of Tolstoy because Tolstoy was a Narc, and many Tolstoy characters (Prince Andrei, Anna Karenina, Vronsky) are Narcs. He told me that he read the works of Tolstoy as part of his "struggle with narcissism."
He told me that he wanted me to be "free of unhealthy emotional attachments" and should practice detachment. In a sense, he was right, and the "relationship" with him was definitely an UNHEALTHY EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT. But he was no picture of health.
He said he wanted me to be free of the traditional roles of wife&mother, that's there more to life for women than that (yes,he played the feminist card) He said that marriage is terrible because people are imperfect, get sick, die. His favorite Schopenhauer quote was that the sexual act is the ultimate crime. Of course, I asked him how he ended up here. That killed the conversation. He must've played a different number with the OW, an older curator, a professional woman (only 5 years his junior, whereas I was 15)... because her biological clock was ticking, he got married to her and got her pregnant.
I'm glad I didn't marry a guy who doesn't believe in marriage. He also told me that his lack of emotions scared children. Well, at least I was WARNED!
GLAD he's OUT of my life.
A decade... and yes, MUCH HAPPIER. I'd rather be single&HAPPY than wed to a man "struggling with narcissism" and who doesn't believe in marriage.
Early on, the ex-P told me he wanted me to be "free from my emotions." Um, they're mine, MINE, MINE and I'm keeping them!
He said he wanted me to be "free from my emotions" like he was, that somehow it made him a Great Philosopher.
He said that being good to others made me feel good about myself... like there's something WRONG with that????
That's why the death of my former classmate was such a trigger. She was closer to him than me. She stayed behind after graduation (she taught choir,music classes) She believed all his lies about me... right when we were on the verge of becoming friends.
Her father died not too long ago. Her obit said she was a "former professor." She was found dead in her sleep. It sounded suspiciously like suicide as murder by the victim's own hands. So many things DID NOT ADD UP.
What's scary is that this guy married and had kids. He HAD TWINS (this is all I know of his personal life--and this is 9 year old news) Yeah,and he has tenure.
There was a recent controversy at my former college about a student (female) who was expelled for anorexia and depression. The LAST thing a sufferer of those things needs is ostracism.
I named this post for that memoir by a woman who survived the Rwandan genocide.
I give thanks every day for being alive. I can wear an "Optimist By Nature" t-shirt and MEAN it, and BELIEVE it... I couldn't do that a decade ago. I can take walks because I enjoy doing so, not because I'm stressed out of my mind. I write because I enjoy it, not because I'm being flattered for it.
Sad to say, this ex-P has been a professor since '96. My empathy for him is gone.
You're my last first date. At the time I thought it was so very sweet, now I realize he's probably said that for years. The cheesiest thing he ever said was whenever we were taking on the phone,"Put your hand in the air can you feel me?"
The most painful thing the P/N said to me ...
During the D&D (one week after he had told me that I had brought out feelings in him that had consistently surpassed anything he had ever felt before), he said:
"I don't know what to do about this [the end] because you really like making love to me and I really like fucking you."
Classy. And to think, I stuck around and tried to make the "friendship" work.
thats horrible. Years ago mine "I f ing hate you I dont care if i ever see you again." Fast Forward 15 years... I bring that incident up via text. His reply: Look at what you just wrote thats the most hateful think I ever read. Stop it.
WHAT? DUDE YOU SAID THAT TO ME!
When we first met, and he thought i was "perfect", and i cracked a joke, he would say "Yeah, that's a knee slapper" which always reminded me of something my grandpa would say...if he weren't already dead.
The ex-Psych professor's favorite quote from Tolstoy was "To love someone who is dear to you is human love; to love your enemy is divine love." He claimed his "love" for me was the latter... and that somehow I was his "enemy." Uhhh, what???
Sounds like he confused himself with God! God was NOT one of his job titles! Duh!
Leo Tolstoy was a self-proclaimed vegetarian, pacifist, and Christian. As one biographer puts it "To the public, he was an angel. To his wife, he was the devil."
The ex-P's favorite Tolstoy quote about women was about women being vain, egocentric, etc. He thought I was being vain when I wore dresses and tried to look nice. Oh... he preferred it when I looked like a boy anyhow.
He also liked Tolstoy's quote about women that women are essentially stupid, but the Devil gives them brains so they can do nasty, evil things. The ex-P liked calling me diabolical.
In "Anna Karenina",the drunken adulterous Stepan is described frequently as having an "idiotic grin." The ex-P apparently liked telling LOTS of people (esp. my classmates) that I had an "idiotic grin."
Thank God I turned to GOD during the D&D... or I wouldn't be here!
And the angel who thought he got a promotion, um, didn't he get kicked out big time???
Yeah, I fell for this one, hook, line and sinker. I even wrote about how amazing it was to hear him say it.
What I should have heard though is Not "I was born to make love to you" but "I WAS BORN TO FUCK YOU OVER" Im learning. Annie
my ex N told me....iwas not feeling too good about myself when you got here...i am sorry too i didn't feel what i wanted to feel....you came close,thats all.....i am dirt,love is not for me...be my last...
His favorite defense of his actions (or lack of) after he broke it off with me...
"You'd be best off to think of me as a big dumb labrador"
and more....
"I absolutely believe that God sent an angel back into my life and you saved me." "If I had my way, you would be my first and last kiss" (we were each other's first kiss 30 years ago, when I was 12, he knew just how to hook me!)
What a loser!!
He said ..."If I meet my future soul mate on the road accidentally ...trying to help her with a flat tire......I still have to let her go....you know why.......to keep you as my room mate".
he said "We will grow old together because I am not able to find love"
All these to keep me there as his "room mate".
He wanted me to stay there with him eternally as his room mate and yet live like a couple.
"We will grow old together because I am not able to find love"
......I still have to let her go....you know why.......to keep you as my room mate". I think this is the most honest he can be.
It's odd. This thread actually made me feel very sad for them. The things they say are almost like statements of children or the mentally disabled. It is like they are trying to express how they feel and you can feel underneath a frustration and desperation about it though it makes no sense. It's very painful to hear the things they say to us, but it's painful to hear them in this other way as well.
Mine just wanted to stay right there, too, just as we had been. "Just love me," he used to say, "Just hold me." Whenever I asked for more, asked to move forward, asked for intimacy, those were the answers. He was desperately afraid of changing anything, of being closer, but he absolutely could not lose the fact that I was just there.
Would we be able to just give them what they want? Its is possible to be friends at all after we recover somehow? I feel bad for him. I feel he needs me but I also read your other thread where you have stated some one that its easier for them to replace us.
I cant seem to find a balance anywhere.
I see him everyday.I work with him.I am on NC with him after he asked me to leave (when I was visiting) since I asked him questions. He got mad as I asked him questions. He will not trade his freedom of seeing other women but cries every time when I tell him that we dont have a future, The tears doesn't seem to stop at all.
He says, lets not even have sex but just be as my friend...but he would want to go out with other women.
So what did you do finally when he asks these from you...to be a friend?
Herein lies the problem. I asked him a hundred times to just be straight on what he wants from me. I had no problem hanging out with him, maybe being intimate sometimes, if we were straight about not being exclusive. I also had no problemm being "just friends," as he said the other women were. I used to joke: "If we break up can I be your "friend" like the others are and actually spend some quality time with you?" because he and the child would spend whole days and nights with his mysterious female friends, but not me. He would say, "You just don't get it."
I think they cast us in a role in the beginning and that doesn't change, can't change. I asked him one time, "Why can't I be your friend, too? Like the others?" He said, "I don't need friends."
"I like listening to your voice"
chesiest.....
Aceonelady
Two Years After We were Married
"I'm struggling with my narcissism"
mine said unconditional love
Whoa that dude sounds like a
Another thing...
Live to tell
Cheesy
now thats what I call
Not Cheesy - Extremely Painful
that's a mouthful
LML
bless your heart
This one STILL slays me...
LML
What a load of BS....
ARE YOU SURE? LOL
LML
His other favorite Tolstoy quotes
I was born to make love to you
crap, I posted mine at the
I read it EWWWW
Let's pray together
How about ....
also....
Aceonelady
yep
my ex N told me....iwas not
Aceonelady
Cheese
He said
"We will grow old together
would we able..
moonshine