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The Chessiest things they ever said to you

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Sep 1 - 7AM (Reply to #64)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Casting roles

Your post really resonated with me, helldweller. I asked the ex-Psych professor what he wanted from me.... and he was evasive. I remember getting really jealous when a beautiful blonde senior thanked the ex-P for dinner at his apartment. I NEVER got to see his apartment, not once. For the ex-P, my declaration of love transgressed my role as student. To him, I was ALWAYS to be the student. He couldn't accept the fact I'd graduate and move on. After the D&D, I said something to the effect of "I thought we were 'just friends.'" His response was the cold "I was never your friend." He then said that there was supposed to be this waiting period between me being his student to being his friend. He never seemed to get it that teachers and their former students might see each other as equals. Of course, when I told him I loved him, I HAD TO PAY. He made it all about roles. When he said he saw himself as a role (a teacher) rather than a human being, I said THAT was his problem. I pointed out that he was a son, a brother--and that riled him. He sputtered, "Think of me just as a teacher!" That's why I find consolation coming here. Other places, I'd be ridiculed as the "lovelorn student who threw herself at a poor professor"--not someone who was remorselessly played by a psychopath. The ex-P cast me in a role that doesn't change... because HE is the one incapable of change. Psychs/Narcs can't stand the fact that people change. Normal people tend to do that.
Sep 1 - 1AM (Reply to #63)
Alibi_10
Alibi_10's picture

I had that too!

Exactly the same! I was downgraded from the one to potentially the one to a close buddy. ... then he said he didn't need friends. !! WTF? Not doing well today
Aug 31 - 1PM (Reply to #61)
Used
Used's picture

moonshine

i couldnt and cant,be freinds with him again. he a while ago said cant you just say hallo, i cant even do that. for me its not the fact that he saw women or had sex[i didnt but doesnt mean he couldnt with someone], it was the pathetic lying, he said to me once, he hadnt been outside his door for 2 weeks[ he thought i was on holiday] i had seen him in that 2 weeks, with women and men and shopping . my point is he lied again,he volunteered info ,that i didnt even ask for, so why say anything, this is what i will never be able to come to terms with, to be freinds with someone, who you dont believe one word that comes out of their mouth is pointless to me, it also ,in my case made me disbelieve what anyone else said, and i dont want to live like that, what is the point. his biggest lie was, i will never lie to you again. he doesnt know the truth. there is nothing he could say now that would change my mind, b/c the damage is done. i have dropped a woman freind cos i said to her ,you have just contridicted your self, you are always doing it, she said no, you misunderstand me, i said no i dont, i understand you very well, you are like him. i havent talked to her since. so the good that came out of beign with n, was instead of me taking things at face value. which i have always done, i dont know, if a thing doesnt feel right its not right. And i am gone.
Aug 31 - 9AM (Reply to #51)
Amy
Amy's picture

There is no "friend" zone

I tried it a million times with mine. They end up getting upset that you have a life outside of them, and then drag you back in. What do you do? You tell him there was too much damage to be able to be friends. Regardless of the tears and pleading (they are fake tears by the way) you have to walk away and go no contact. Unless you want to be tortured indefinitely that is.....
Sep 4 - 1PM (Reply to #60)
lisalisa47
lisalisa47's picture

I needed to read this today

Amy Thanks! I needed to read the no contact thing. I do fine while i'm 200 miles away but as I haven't actually finished cleaning out my stuff completely, i have to go back to the old apartment (it's only been 15 days since this happened) and get a few tihngs at a time. Even though he's in jail at this moment, I always feel depressed when I'm there, and miss him, even though that apartment didn't really hold any memories that were loving between us. Does that make sense?

LML

Aug 31 - 10AM (Reply to #59)
Used
Used's picture

amy

and so very true, you have it spot on. iremember beign so bad once, hadnt seen him after a big fight, talking to a freind saying how low i felt, and she said, do you think he is low and in this state, she said nope, he will be out there doing what he is always doing. that woke me up i can tell you. and thats when i said to my self,right, get back on the horse and back with your life, and of all the things i was with a group of people having an ok day, and he went by, if looks could kill. i wouldnt be writing on this board today. i would be dead . we got back after it, and he said when he saw me with them, he got in such a temper that he went and took it out on someone. probley his ow. now i know him so well. haha.
Aug 31 - 9AM (Reply to #52)
moonshine
moonshine's picture

thats why..

thats why i walked away....but he keeps his face long and acts aloof ...but I have seen him in social setting just fine with out me....having fun....may be its all an act?
Aug 31 - 10AM (Reply to #53)
Amy
Amy's picture

Exactly

It is all an act. Everything he does is an act.
Aug 31 - 11AM (Reply to #54)
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

Thank you, Amy

For injecting a dose of reality this morning. Narcs don't have friends. Just supply. Keep that in mind, and everyone will be ok here. If they really regret what they do to ppl, and really crave their friendship, then they wouldn't do silly-ass things like smear you to other people, which obviously gets back to the victim somehow. They would be contrite, apologize, and certainly not call you "Evil" on their Facebook page, years after the fact. This is what mime did to me. Because he was highly pissed that I rejected his "offer of friendship" after the D&D, and moved out of state and away from him for good, without telling him about it. Read this closely: this kind of thing is a grave narcissistic injury to these freaks, as you have removed another security blanket. They know that sooner or later, everyone will move on without them and it scares them shitless, so every time someone leaves of their own accord, they go frantic. That's why I will forever be the bitch who messed him up (fantasy) instead of the great catch, the one that got away (reality) from him. If they can't treat you with some degree of sincere kindess and respect (pay attemtion to that word, sincere)during your relationship, then they sure as hell won't be a true friend to you after. There is no mistaking this.
Sep 1 - 2AM (Reply to #56)
Amy
Amy's picture

Took me about 5 times before

Took me about 5 times before I realized wasn't real... Just ALWAYS remember - you are talking to his "agent", not him. His agent is trying to get the "deal". The real guy shows up later!
Sep 4 - 2AM (Reply to #58)
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

NUTSHELL

This is just absolutely on the money. This is the Narc in a NUTSHELL!!! ( excuse the pun) Just ALWAYS remember - you are talking to his "agent", not him. His agent is trying to get the "deal". The real guy shows up later!
Sep 1 - 9PM (Reply to #57)
moonshine
moonshine's picture

agent..

haha....that was funny....but very true....always seeing what the deal would be. Thanks everyone for the answer.....as everyone says ...he is not a good friend either...so why worry?
Aug 31 - 9PM (Reply to #55)
anonymous
anonymous's picture

So Well Put

This is great ShaynasMommy - exactly right. Mine tried to pull the "let's be best friends forever" bullshit after he dumped me. He's a terrible boyfriend. A terrible co-worker. A terrible employee. And a terrible friend. In other words, a terrible person. So why the hell would I have chosen to remain "friends" with someone who's incapable of being good at anything as a human being?
Aug 31 - 8AM (Reply to #44)
Used
Used's picture

helldweller

its all so sad, n used to say please dont give up on me, please be my friend for another year, this when i asked him what he wanted for an xmas gift, he said nothing just your friendship for another year, even as he said that, i didnt know he was in a relationship and had been for 2years, while he was sitting having coffee with me saying he didnt want to go back to his depressing flat, he was actually, not going back to it he was living with someone. i couldnt forgive him for this lie, and so many others lies before and after. when i found out i said why didnt you say so, he said cos i knew you would be like this, well so would he , if i was sitting there telling him i was going home to a flat, when in fact i was living with someone. double standards all the time.writing this has bought me out of my depression a bit,b/c i can be true to my self, cos if that had have been me, i would have told him i was with someone. the truth is he thought he would lose me if he told me. he was right, he would have.and eventually did. the reason ive perked up a bit, cos reading this back has made me angry. i thought i had no emotions left.
Aug 31 - 8AM (Reply to #45)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

used

YES. He used to say that, too. That he didn't tell me the truth because I would get mad at him. That is the nicest they can be. They can't act properly, can't do the right thing, can't stop cheating. All they can do is try to hide it from us. When I started finding out about the other women from his foster child innocently telling me about things they had done together with them, the narc cut off my contact with the foster child. The idea that he should stop cheating and lying did not occur to him; he just had to stop me from finding out, so he "patched the leak" by removing me from his child's life. It was horrifying. The child called me his Mama and he was no longer allowed to talk to me or be around me. The narc told me that he told the child I no longer had time for him (????????!!!!!!!!!!) and I think the narc actually made himself believe this. This made me so enraged, that he was teaching this child that his "mama" was too busy for him in order to cover up his lies and cheating. But it was the only thing he could do.
Aug 31 - 11AM (Reply to #48)
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

Oh, helldweller.

I know this isnt useful to you as I dont have any advice about the foster child, but how AWFUL for that boy. He's got so many cards stacked against him...I am on the verge of tears for him...and you. To have a stable mother figure in your life then have that yanked from him, he has got to be so confused. To think of the innocence of these children who get caught in the web they didn't even have a choice to walk away from. I pray that you, and your daughters, recieve the Grace and healing you so desperately need right now, and I will definitely keep the little boy in my prayers, too. He is going to need nothing short of a miracle to get out of this situation one day with his own soul intact. So tragic.
Sep 4 - 8AM (Reply to #49)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

ShaynasMommy

Just read your post from Tuesday. Thank you so much for your prayers. I am afraid that the child is not going to go to his dad anymore. He visits him every week, but the father is a single man, unemployed, and does not speak any English. the child's mother has disappeared. I think that fairly soon the judge is going to ask the father to sign over his rights to the child. The only hope, I think, is for the narc to die sooner rather than later, so that the child will be cared for by the narc's younger brother, who is also an idiot but at least is quiet and takes care of the child. The narc has not changed his life for the child at all. I discovered last week that the child has at least six different single mothers who babysit him, as well as the woman next door--and the narc's various girlfriends who they both spend time with. Probably ten different women in his life every single week. And then there's me. The narc told the child that he doesn't see me anymore because I'm "too busy for him." This poor, poor little boy. I told the narc long ago: Any child, especially a foster child, needs a limit on the number of people in his life. Too many is a very bad thing for a child to understand. "OH, please, honey," he said, "He's just getting that much more love." When the child came, I bought him about ten different books on child care, foster parenting, child behavior, etc, and he never opened a single one. He told me to send them back because he didn't need them. The unbelieveable arrogance. When I think about when a woman is pregnant and the books we read to prepare because we know we are clueless. We are scared of not doing the right thing, not caring for the child properly, not knowing what to do. Not him. The fifty-two year old single man with no children, no nieces or nephews--indeed, no child in his life, ever--had it all under control. Not so much.
Aug 31 - 9AM (Reply to #47)
Used
Used's picture

helldweller

i dont believe they dont tell us the truth to be NICE, with n , he knew me well enough to know what i would put up with. the irony of all this, when he found out i had a male freind he went absolutly ballistic. so realy who was he protecting by not telling me. himself . i found out from a woman who, funny enough he introduced me too, she and i met up a couple of times ans she said he had told her,about just coming out of a relationship and in hindsight she couldnt wait to tell me what a pratt i have been, why would she tell me i was with him so much, how did she know he hadnt told me, cos she knew the game i didnt, another wake up call. when i told my other freind i didnt get why he told us conflicting stories, she said b/c he wants to look sexual to the woman and impress her , look .as in i do relationships, whereas with me ,at that time i dont think he looked at me in anyway but a freind, so didnt feel he had to impress me.plus this woman he had introduced me too he didnt know to well himself, she was like him.lol. when she met me she ,after she would seek me out, he was realy annoyed, and said i had took one of his freinds. but in truth she had lost interest in him, when another man had come on the scene, sounds familier. so yes he knew this and was trying to impress her back. oh dear what a shame. haha. but he hadnt lost me yet, so didnt have to start impressing me. that came later when i met another male friend. it all makes sense now, how that little senario panned out, incidently i dont have much to do with her now, once i relized she was him in female form.
Aug 31 - 9AM (Reply to #46)
Used
Used's picture

helldweller

i know where you are coming from, but i also believe they realy think they are men of mystery, or like to play that, in fact they are boring nobodies, who if he had told me any truths, i would maybe of thought so that is the big mystery. wow, lol. he did say to me once, about beign a man of mystery, i said you are as transparent as clear glass, he didnt take that well.i called him boring several times towards the end, i said you are boring and your lies are boring, and you are not even very good at it. reading this board tho, and how you and others have suffered for actually beign in a relationship with them, does make me think of something he said to me once. quote. you dont relize it but you get the best of me, at the time i didnt know what he was talking about. I DO NOW. to be his gf must be terrible, he wanted me to go and meet his ex once,b/c i walked the walk and talked the talk and was everything she wanted to be, his words not mine, to show up were she was i said no chance, i wouldnt do that to her. you are bad enough as a freind, as a bf you must have been hell on earth. he looked gutted. but he didnt reply.
Aug 31 - 12AM
sweetsamm
sweetsamm's picture

toothbrush soulmates...

we went out of town for the first time and i got my toothbrush out and he looked at it and said, 'you'll never believe it,and he pulled his out,and it was the same green toothbrush,he said,'if you don't believe in soulmates now,i don't know what will convince you'..lol.....it's such a common toothbrush i'm totally laughing now,but believed things he told me,everything was proof we were soulmates.....I now wonder if he actually looked at my toothbrush and intentionally bought the same one......p.s, i have 2n's,one was the abusive one,the other was the swoop in,knight in shining armour,once he had me,broke it off with no explanation..he was the 'soulmate'guy...LOL
Aug 31 - 2AM (Reply to #40)
miinx
miinx's picture

oh god

mine said something like this in regards to a pack of gum - because i had pink orbitz gum, and he had blue. -eyeroll-
Aug 31 - 6AM (Reply to #41)
Used
Used's picture

minx

mine said that cos we held the phone to our right ear, he said we do everything alike,i thought not everything ,you stupid loser.i keep family and freinds, you lose them all.
Aug 31 - 12AM (Reply to #39)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

toothbrush soulmates

Oh, God. Mine always told me he had a toothbrush for me in his new house, which we were supposed to live in together. I never even saw it; I was in the house twice but never to the bathroom. He felt the fact that there was a toothbrush in the house for me was some sort of proof that I was there. The true sickness: I took heart in it. I thought: well, that's progress! Ugh
Aug 30 - 2PM
hopefuljms
hopefuljms's picture

The last time I saw mine in

The last time I saw mine in December, he said how unhappy he was and that he was going into therapy. When I asked if he was seeing anyone he said.. "you do things to fill a void" How's that for a line! Well he just married the thing you do to fill the void!
Aug 30 - 5PM (Reply to #37)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

so, so gross...... This one

so, so gross...... This one sound so much like my x
Aug 30 - 2PM
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

cheese revisited

Oh and this one: When we were pondering what kind of animals we both resembled: HIM: you are most like a golden retriever, and I am an otter. I remember thinking, "oh, you mean like I'm a sucker for bad punishment and keep coming back for more....and you are a totally unfocused, live only for having a recklessly good time, kind of twit?" Yeah, that sounded about right. Now I should have corrected him, Vampire Bat, not Otter.
Aug 30 - 1PM
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

cheesy bs

"wer'e never gonna break up. It's just not an option." Excuse me while I piss myself with laughter. (about a fabulous new dining room tablt)"My future wife is gonna give birth to my children on this table." Little did I know it was NOT going to be me. Thank GAWD!
Aug 30 - 2PM (Reply to #31)
Used
Used's picture

narc natter

as we were freinds, not pyshical, and talked non stop 24/7, well he talked i listend,he said this is more intimate than sex.or i would have married you if we met sooner[i wouldnt have married this loser] people are jealous of our friendship, thats why they keep telling you things about me. . you are everything to me my mother , my sister , my woman, my best freind. on me finding out he was in a relationship. i didnt have to tell you, you are only a mate!!! when he wanted to become sexual, i said i thought i was your mother, he said, never have i looked at you as a mother.and i said and never have i looked at you as a lover. TOUCHE!
Aug 31 - 2AM (Reply to #33)
moonshine
moonshine's picture

you seem to have fun

it really seems that you had fun attacking the N. I am so glad to read these. When ever this was done to me, I was in shock of the contradiction. You are way cool!
Aug 31 - 7AM (Reply to #34)
Used
Used's picture

moonshine

i did, b/c i am like that, but in the beginning, i bit my tongue, as i came to know him, i didnt bother watching my self, a sure sign for me i was on the way out of it ,i said to him, have you no pride, the things i used to say to him. i relized i could say what i liked as long as i stayed with him. how can you respect anyone like that.i got so vebal with him so not only did i begin to dislike him, my respect[not that i had much for him in the first place] for him was zero. ergo, my respect for myself began to go as well.