Sorry, guys. I am just so stuck in a rut. I'm sick of it. I just want to get out of this and be me again. I am not the woman with dishes in the sink, clothes on the bed, unpaid pills, closets full of stuff I threw in because someone was coming over. I am not this person. I'm the one who makes a list every day and crosses everything off. I can't figure out how to get back there. I promised myself I would pay the bills today, do the laundry and get the car washed. I'm trying to do the bills, but everything is so hard. Just finding a pen, getting out the bill folder, getting out the check book, writing the checks, addressing the envelopes. everything is like pulling out my fingernails. I wish I could go into the narc's robot mode for a few days and just do everything I need to do all day, act the way I have to, and go to dinner with my friends at night. Ok. I'm going to pay my bills then come back on here and report them complete.
I can't believe this guy just walked away. It really does turn your whole life inside out, trying to comprehend that a person like this could exist, and that I was thrown away. Me! No one throws me away--ever!