I moved everything out today...NC Day #1
I moved everything out today...NC Day #1
Last night, he was clearly agitated that I really did have a place lined up and I was REALLY moving. It always amazes me that he is so "shaken up" over this...I've done it 4 different times in the 7 yrs together - with full blown conversations telling him weeks in advance. However, he tells me that he is moving every month around the week the rent is due. EVERY month - I ask him specifics and, well, you know you can't ask an N to explain his lies as truthes.
I went to get last coouple things this afternoon and leave the keys (while he was at work, of course, I even drove by to make sure his car was there), I walked into the room I just vacated (I left HIS bed, even though he hasn't slept on it in a year..he's had it 18 months) and it was completely taken down and leaning on the wall of the empty room.
I thought this an odd scene, since he has been sleeping on the floor in the other room for the past year and my replacement, Jenny, has had to sleep on the couch for the past month. It was eerie, it was almost as if the room screamed "if she isn't here, no one can sleep in here!"
And, if history repeats itself, in about a week, Jenny will be getting a healthy dose of N...he will blame her for my leaving, even though this was all his doing and my smart decision.
He has no idea where I moved to, I changed all of my numbers, converted all of my email addresses to my maiden name (so he can't easily email me right away) and discontinued internet/phone service (that I, of course, was paying for) to disarm him as much as possible.
Day 1 of NC. Success! I can't lie, I went from rage to uncontrollable tears all day today trying to cope with the inhuman way he just dumped me on the side of the road after 4 years of marriage. I was ALWAYS there for him, but now that I lost my job 30 days ago, I am TRASH, literally, GARBAGE that was discarded. I get it now. Thanks to this site. But I will never "get it" again. I have made the decision in my soul that I will not let these horrible experiences of the past 7 years hinder me from eventually loving and thriving again sometime in the near future! He tried, almost damn near succeeded - if I were to fall for his next predatory attack (coming within 2 weeks or less no doubt), I think that would be my last train out and I would never come back.
Bring it on! NC is for me. I knew that the first time, but I am living it this time.
Thank you for listening!
It's late and I'm tired
NC #12 and here it begins...
mmacali
Hey People
Are you KIDDING ME MMACALI!!
NOT KIDDING
mmacali
You know what, Barbara
all caps
NC Day #11
mmacali
Crying Wolf - Barbara
Between a rock and a hard place..
Another NC resource
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran
"That which we do not confront in ourselves we meet as fate" ~ Carl Jung
http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4
yes but...
Does codependency exist?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran
"That which we do not confront in ourselves we meet as fate" ~ Carl Jung
http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4
KLARITY & PD Magnet Thoughts
codependency? NOT....
I tend to agree, Barbara
Mmacali
Hi NanC
There is a book called "Five
NC Day #6 Thanks Carolyn !
maccali
Yep, agnesmurphy
keep going
NC Day #5
congrats!
mmacali
How's the NC going?