Are you embarassed?

I am embarrassed sometimes yes, when I think back, but mostly I just wonder how powerful his hypnotic stare was to get a strong person like me to lower her standards so much. There were other men in my horizon when I first started seeing him, and now I see how he chased them all away. Once he followed me to a date with a male friend and sat there staring at him. The guy was so embarrassed. He, the narc, knew he was staking his claim, but he said it was not because he was jealous, he said he did it because I was being devious. Talk about projection. I have never been unfaithful to anyone ever in my entire life!! They are reptiles born with the same instincts for survival as a cockroach.

that I allowed him to mistreat me and make me feel unworthy, unpretty, unlovable, and unloved. Still trying to understand why I let it happen. He gave me sex, but no real intimacy, he gave me the appearance of what I thought was a great friendship but in hindsight, all he did was tell/share HIS life with me. I always felt like 'a pain' if I talked about mine. He commanded all conversations, he commanded when we spoke, and he commanded when we saw each other. I had no say. I mean, I did...but I guess he chipped away at my self confidence so slowly, and paired it up with hours and hours of takling about HIM daily, that I believed he was 'feeding' me enough just to stick around and hope he would see me as others would..so sad, really. I dont cry anymore. But when I read back at how terrible this man was, and how I allowed it for so long, bogs my mind. I truly felt that I was in love with him. I still do...and I dont know why...there was nothing to love.

But I don't feel embarrassed! I was JUST BEING HONEST! It's kinda funny that I compared the ex-Psych prof to a tantrumming newborn before I found this site. Embarrassing him would probably be something I'm *PROUD* of (smiles smugly) Seeing him walk out of the senior skit when it mocked him, then recounting it to him the next day... NOT regretting it. Actually, enjoying every moment of it.

Embarrassed about what? Loving someone? believing in someone? Not in him, in yourself. Embarrassed because you walked down the aisle when you knew you shouldn't have? He is the one that should be embarrassed. He should have to wear a sign around his neck for the rest of his life that reads: BEWARE OF THE NARC Don't ever be embarrassed about the choices you have made, no more than the woman that barks like a seal on stage under the spell of a hypnotist..........should she be embarrassed? Absolutely not, but people in the audience laugh, think it's funny........it's not. She has no control over her actions at that point, and that is the point the hypnotist is making. Save embarrassment for farting in public, pooping your pants on a date, or laughing so hard that you blow bogies out of your nose during a romantic moment. These are things to be embarrassed about! LOL And a true gentleman, will pretend he never noticed! Smile!

I am still struggling with the embarrassment I feel for even marrying him in the first place. What the f**K was I thinking? His mask fell of after the third month of us dating and I still married him. I knew it was all wrong as I walked down the aisle. I actually knew he was crazy. My best friend still look at me as if I have three heads when i tell her that he made me feel less than zero. She knew that he was the one that was/is less than zero. LOL! I am getting better as time goes by and I feel less embarrassed than I did 11 months ago so I have faith that as time goes by the stronger I become and the less embarrassed I become about the biggest mistake of my life!

Yes, im embarressed that i fell so hard for him, and have found it hard to stop talking about him to friends or family whenever ive been confused or miserable over something to do with him....as he, of course, is having a nice day and has his selfish little mind on other things. I also feel like a failure sometimes when i look around me and see so many couples happily together and lasting. couples who can trust each other and are there for each other, etc.

i have not written my whole story on here yet. i actually tried to write it down the other day thinking it would help me heal. but as i started writing, i was like this is the stupidest thing ever and i was embarassed. writing it down just showed me how ridiculous he is and stupid i was. i am embarassed to tell my family and friends the whole story as well so i just keep it sweet and simple and just say we broke up. i dont want to get into it with them. so yes, i am too embarassed about the whole damn thing!

Cause I loved with all my heart, and a part of me still does, and I came to conclusion, that fighting it, doesnt work, and isnt even good, thats how we come to feeling like they have stolen a part of our soul, cause we try to numb this part that loves. And I believe we are all devine, all part of god, and we all are made out of love. Trying to not feel it, or to feel ashamed by it, is like feeling ashamed to be what you really are. Narc and their personality structure is so screwed, that their soul is not even close to their body, thats why they all have these weird empty stare. Never ever feel embarassed to have loved. And for the bad treatment, well I have forgiven myself for having allowed it. And we all should do that.

Now I don't because I realize that if it were not for the Narc, I would not have spent this past year on the most intense self awareness of my life and I was pretty self aware to begin with, however, his abuse took me to new levels of self reflection and growth which I did not believe possible. So if anything I am now embarrassed for him that he is such an sick disordered fuck and has to live with himself. At this point in my life I am happy to live with myself because I did nothing wrong. I only tried to love a bad man and what is wrong with that. There is no shame or embarrassment in loving and making a mistake. Go easy on yourself, you did the best you could with what you thought you were dealing with at the time. This was not your fault and the embarrassment lies with him and his sick actions; NOT YOU. God bless, Goldie

that I was willing to give up so much to get so little, the why I was willing to do that keeps me busy writing and in therapy...we were married, the child added an element of stability and the need to try to keeps things together. But how it started on my side, yes, I am embarrased, but that is ok today...because I am living in the solution, in my world, not under the power and control of her world anymore! ds

I hardly told anyone I was involved with CharlieSheenWinning because I knew it was wrong and was so embarrassed that I would be with someone like him. He has a bad reputation for being a user and misogynist and lives up to every word. I'm embarrassed that I put up with his crap for so long and kept going back. He wasn't worth a moment of my time, much less my love. {cringing}

I wish one thing - that this had never happened. I totally relate to what your post was saying. I have so much shame concerning the N I can't even tell you. I really liked the honesty of your post a lot. thank you

Honestly? I'm mortified that I put up with such bad behavior but most of all I'm mortified that he left me! Ultimately I rejected him big time but he started the while break up. How embarrassing! I feel like there was something wrong with me to have been rejected by such a reject. Even though I know there isn't. Hard to explain!

Hi Deidre, I think feeling embarrased or ashamed is a typical response after being bullied and abused and I'm sure that many of us here will have felt this way and can relate to your thoughts. I certainly do. Deidre, these feelings of shame were projected onto you by the bully (the narcissist). All narcissists feel shame on a sub-conscious level which is caused by the sub-conscious feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing that are deep within them. All bullies are insecure people who want to make themselves feel better by making someone else feel ashamed of themselves instead. A quote from Sam Vaknin helps to explain this: "Narcissists adopt all kinds of defences to counter narcissistic shame. They develop addictive, reckless, or impulsive behaviours. They deny, withdraw, rage, or engage in the compulsive pursuit of some kind of (unattainable, of course) perfection. They display haughtiness and exhibitionism and so on. All these defences are primitive and involve splitting, projection, projective identification, and intellectualization". The truth is that he (the narcissist) should feel deeply ashamed of himself for his behaviour towards you, but instead of acknowledging this he has projected his feelings of shame onto you so that he doesn't have to feel them himself. Do NOT allow him to continue to make you feel this way. You are a strong, brave woman. He is a weak, pathetic coward who is too afraid to reflect on himself for fear of what he will find out. xxx