I understand what you mean about lowering standards. Out of the 5 years I was with him, he honeymooned me for 4+ years and during that time when his mask was on I thought he was the perfect match except for his secrecy, closed off emotionally and moodiness. During his very abusive d&d I knew he was lower than me. To treat another person like that is horrible. Especially since I was guilty of giving all of my love to him. Now I cringe when I think I gave myself emotionally and in some ways physically to a disordered, disturbed man. I hold on to the thought that I was with a psychopath. He helps me to forget the mask and deal with the real him.
deidre