What Sparked Your Breakup?
What Sparked Your Breakup?
Hello everyone- I'm a new member. My ex-Narc and I broke up almost 6 weeks ago. We had a long distance relationship, then I moved to his city and into his apartment. After three months, we were done. He displayed all the Narc symptoms while we were living together. I didn't see a lot of it while we were dating long distance. I had to move out of his city and quit my job. I'm now unemployed (with a Master's degree) and trying to get my life back together.
One of the things I've been going over in my mind is what sparked my Narc to break up with me. We had a lot of differences, but up until the day before we broke up, he was still thinking long-term, get married, with me. I know the breakup would've happened eventually, however, several things happened around the time of our break up that I believe played a big part. Most of it made him feel powerless.
1-His separation agreement kicked in. Now he's paying 60% of his salary to his ex-wife (who he devalued and discarded to date me). He lives off his ever climbing credit card. He was turned down for another job, and wasn't having any luck finding a new one with a higher salary.
2-He had a meeting with a former co-worker to feel out the possibilty of going back to his old firm because he was feeling the stress of needing a higher paying job because of his alimony and child support payments. The partner told him, "Not going to happen. You have to realize that YOU ARE NOT ALWAYS RIGHT. You rubbed a lot of people the wrong way when you worked there, because you thought you were always right." He told me about this, and I know it was hard for him to understand.
3-I decided to bring up how little I saw of him during the week. Two weeknights he was with his daughter and on Sunday most of the day. The rest of the week, we had one night together (and all we did was watch tv) and the other one he was playing sports. Friday and Saturday, we usually spent with other people. Everything was ALWAYS with a group. I felt like I didn't do much on my own outside of him because I was new to the city and only knew his friends. His response to me about this was angry and mean. He told me to "sleep less" if I wanted to see him, but otherwise, he had nothing to say about it.
The next few days he me we were done.
I know he was feeling powerless about the money and job, and I feel he decided to change the only thing he could- me. I wasn't what he wanted, I brought up concerns of mine for the FIRST TIME and he dumped me.
The Mayoclinic.com lists the symptoms of a Narcissistic personality disorder, which my Narc had-every single one. It also says, "But underneath all this behavior often lies a fragile self-esteem. You have trouble handling anything that may be perceived as criticism. You may have a sense of secret shame and humiliation. And in order to make yourself feel better, you may react with rage or contempt and efforts to belittle the other person to make yourself appear better. "
I believe this is what happened to me- he had the shame and humiliation of being powerless about his job and the criticism he received. He reacted in a way to make himself feel better- find a new GF that fulfills his unrealistic expectations. He was already texting and calling her (and possibly seeing her) before I even moved out.
What do you believe happened around the time of your breakup?