What Sparked Your Breakup?

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Apr 1 - 12PM (Reply to #19)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Same for me.

There were so many times before the final discard when he should have let me go, but would always come chasing after me again. It would seek like he was purposely trying to drive me away with his terrible behavior, head games, whatever. Whenever I reached my l limit and said, "Fine! I'm done." That's when he'd pull out the "I love you Smitten, you're everything to me" card, and pull me back in again. Things would be good for a couple of days and then the shit would start again. I could never figure out why he did that until I started the research after the final dump. Although in the couple of months before, I sensed he was stringing me along until he found my replacement. And now I know why he never let me go before. I was his best source of supply at the time and he realized that every time he was about to lose me. And like you, I was and still find myself, trying to make sense out of something that doesn't make sense.
Mar 30 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

The Breakup?

And one more thing.... he informed me that he loves her, that for the first time in his life he is happy and content with the attention of just one woman, that his dream is for them to be together forever, and that they will probably eventually marry and possibly have a child since she's always wanted one. And a year ago, I thought I was the "the one."
Mar 31 - 2PM (Reply to #16)
dudette's picture


Yeah but you know smitten that it is all BS!!!! There is another reason. In my narc's case, he needs the cash. The GF comes with cash and more than happy to hand it over..... I also had cash but not happy to do such a thing.....
Apr 1 - 7PM (Reply to #17)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

In this case, the new GF is

In this case, the new GF is not only an old GF from the past, but someone he also grew up with from childhood. They were best friends at one point and became a couple as they got older. He was supposedly her "first." Their parents had always hoped they would marry back then and now think they have a second chance. So his payoff, besides knowing her most of his life, is the approval from both of their families. His parents just love her and are ecstatic they are finally together, as are hers. And his father has warned him, he'd better not break her heart because he loves her like a daughter.
Mar 30 - 11PM (Reply to #15)
IncognitoBurrito's picture


I don't want to re-hash it. Quite frankly, it's painful, and it'd be redundant. This is pretty much how things unraveled in my case, too. Only, he came on a lot slower, and methodically, over 4+ years. Hell, I can't even keep track of the years anymore. Everything's grey, the lines are blurred. But my experience was similar to this description: "From what I've read and what I experienced, I think the moment he knew I was in love with him, it was the beginning of the end. Up until that point he was trying to win me over with his Prince Charming act. Once he secured my love and knew I would be a consistent source of supply, game over, and his true colors started to come out. We too were in a long distance relationship and this occurred about 6 months in. Right at the time things were getting serious and I was contemplating giving up my life to be with him, but he started pulling away. Of course, not all the way. Just enough to confuse me for the next 6 months with his hot & cold behavior and mixed messages. The whole devaluing thing begins and happens many times before they finally discard you for good. It's like up until then they keep recycling you."
Mar 30 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
TLSM's picture

Smitten!!! My GOD!

He is a monster. A rabid BEAST!!! I SO want to kick his ass! What a little bitch he is!!! The fact that he could easily do that to you, he will do to her. NEVER speak to him AGAIN!!! He sounds like my ex N! But yours was extra cruel to you. They LOVE and GET OFF on tearing us apart, limb to limb. And if that isn't enough, they then run us over with their car and then back up over us again. Then they get out and stomp on us and then throw rocks at our mangled bodies! Then they get laid and don't think twice about what they've done. They are sinister,wretched, deplorable, UN-FLUSHABLE pieces of CRAP! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!
Apr 1 - 7PM (Reply to #14)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thank you so much for your

Thank you so much for your support. I still can't believe he said and did those things to me. I find myself vacillating daily between the reality of what has happened and denial that it's even possible.
Mar 31 - 7AM (Reply to #4)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

But wait, there's more!

He actually told me in one of these torturous conversations that occurred after the dumping, that some of what he was putting on his FB page was a little played up for one of my best friends to see who was still on his list. He wanted her to see the progression so it would get back to me. But I don't believe that it was all for her/my benefit, it was what it was. Part of his act to "impress" the new GF and his other friends that were all so happy for him. His new source of supply was now coming in the form of approval from "real" friends who thought they made a great couple, instead of the entourage or harem girls on his list who were always pursuing and flirting with him. They dropped off the grid and quit posting and calling once he changed his status. And even if he was "playing it up" for our benefit, that just shows how full of crap he is in leading the new girl on that way. So my friend deleted and blocked him which totally pissed him off because he likes to be in control of that and he no longer had his audience. That's when he opened his page up to Friends of Friends, and called to be sure and let me know. He knew I would be curious and go to his page, like watching a train wreck. I would avoid it for several days and then peak, which was just stupid and a masochistic exercise in self-flagellation. I initially had my page open to Friends of Friends also because I wanted him to be able to see what I was doing (I knew he still went to my page occasionally), see me in his newsfeed commenting on posts of our mutual friends, and have access to my pictures. I didn't want him to forget about me and to be reminded of what he was giving up. This was before I did all my research and was still hanging on and in denial. Knowing deep down that he was with her now for a long-term relationship, but also wanting him to maybe regret his decision whenever he saw me. I also wanted him to feel some remorse for how he had hurt me, but I realize now they not only don't feel remorse or guilt, but enjoy hurting us. During our last conversation before we went no contact, I completely blocked him, which again pissed him off. He sent me a text all outraged that I did that and said he was tired of these games. The only reason he knew I blocked him so fast is that he went on there to do the same thing to me and was just mad I did it first and took his power away.
Mar 31 - 2PM (Reply to #13)
dudette's picture

FB - tool of the devil

FB is a tool for misinfomration and promoting BS... IU deleted my account and you would be wise to do the same - for the sake of your own sanity.... It's worth it believe me - don't miss it one bit!
Mar 31 - 7AM (Reply to #5)
spinning's picture


I am so proud of you. This 'person' you were involved with is a complete JERK, LOSER and all the other things TLSM said! Great for you for going NC. You are on the right path. The first few weeks are so hard, but that's where this board and this community come in to help. WAY TO GO with GETTING OFF THE ROLLERCOASTER and blocking him. GREAT WORK! I am so proud of you after all you've been through. Big hugs to you and I send the good vibes for peace and healing. sincerely (determined to stop) spinning


Mar 31 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


I have to say, it has helped me to keep my resolve that he hasn't tried to contact me either, which is both a relief and a disappointment at the same time. Like others, I wanted to believe it wouldn't be so easy for him to let me go, that he wouldn't be able to stay away like times in the past. He probably can't believe I haven't tried to contact him either. I wonder if he even cares. For a while, I still wanted to have some sort of contact with him, even it was just to be some sort of supply, to prove that he can't be satisfied with the attention of just one woman. He was telling me she is the only woman in his life now, that he's gotten rid of all the other women friends so she feels totally secure, and will never have any reason to doubt him. And I'm thinking, yeah, she's the only woman in your life except ME. You're still calling and writing to me! When I told him he couldn't talk to me about her at all about anything unless it was to say he broke up with her or she died, he said, "What? I'm just telling you about everything that's going on in my life right now, and she's what's going on." Unbelievable. Do they even hear themselves? It IS always about them. Ugh....
Mar 31 - 7PM (Reply to #9)
Redhead1's picture

He was just D&Ding you

He was just D&Ding you because he wanted you to beg some. They can't validate themselves. And a simple I love you and kindness is not enough. He probably was trying to torment you through your friend. He wanted you to get jealous and beg. They are sick and twisted. You are way better than that!!! Keep NC going. Its driving him nuts!
Apr 1 - 7PM (Reply to #10)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I would love to believe that

I would love to believe that my going NC is driving him nuts, but I really feel at this point he doesn't care anymore because he's just done. I know at times in the past it drove him nuts, and he would say he was done, but always contact me later anyway. But this time I really feel he's glad I'm not chasing after him and it hurts all that much more. Whenever we were supposedly "done" before, he would say or text "Goodbye!!!!" This time however, he said "Don't ever contact me again in any way. Don't call me, email me, or text me." I knew it was different than the times before. So I wish my NC was my idea and I had initiated it, but it's what he wanted so it just feels like another, final rejection. As if he hadn't rejected me enough, he had to have the last word. I guess we would all like to at least have the ball in our court and call the shots when it comes to the NC thing so we can at least preserve some dignity and get a little satisfaction in the end.
Apr 1 - 8PM (Reply to #12)
Hunter's picture

They are never done! He has

They are never done! He has new supply right now, Always have your guard up. Idealk
Apr 1 - 8PM (Reply to #11)
Veronrose's picture

OH God do I understand what

OH God do I understand what you're feeling. It's like THEY instituted NC and WE are sitting on our hands trying not to make contact with them. There is nothing I would like better than to have it turned around so that I could reclaim some dignity. He gives me such a high though, that I'm not sure I wouldn't respond to see if I could get him to give me some more crumbs. It really is an addiction. Pathetic.
Mar 31 - 2PM (Reply to #7)
spinning's picture

Smit, I know

what you mean about the contact thing. I couldn't contact mine if I tried and that is a blessing, I suppose. I would have to go through channels and look crazy to even tell him what a COWARD and LOUSY EXCUSE FOR A MAN that he is. My pride (or sense of self-preservation) will not let me do that, so I attempt to let it go. Like you, I also struggle with the concept that he has not tried to contact me (I'm almost 5 months NC) as in the past he always did. The sick game we played...me chasing him, him chasing me...UGH. Why would I even want it for a minute? Doesn't make it hurt any less, though, and still leaves me scratching my head and alternately kicking my ass for not seeing the MFer coming...He totally altered the course of my life in ways that cannot be undone. Whatever. It's up to me to take something good away from this experience--for lack of better word--and I'm working on it being a better, stronger, more grounded ME. Hugs to you Smitten...love your photo icon. sincerely (slowing down again from) spinning


Apr 1 - 8PM (Reply to #8)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I am so with you on all of it...

Everything I'm realizing he did and said to me that was just bullshit is killing me, and yet I still want the MFer to contact me so I can ignore HIM! I want him to need and love me the way I do him and I know it will never happen. I am still so stuck in the fantasy as I come to grips with the reality. He was a wrecking ball in my life in ways that I will never get over, like you, and I so want to fuck up his life. If I didn't know for a fact that he would ruin me, I would blow the lid off his cover and tell the new GF, the ex wife and the ex victim everything I know. But I know he would screw me over, and that's the ONLY thing that keeps me from seeking revenge.