All About Him Forum

First, I just want to say that I'm so glad that I found this site. At first, I thought I was crazy. It's nice to know that I'm not alone.

I just recently ended the relationship with my narcissist. I had to, to get closure for myself. Everything was going fine until I told him that I would leave my husband to be with him. Once I spoke these words, he began giving me the silent treatment. I was so confused, scared, alone, and couldn't understand what went wrong. After doing some research, I realize that the problem isn't me at all.

They listen intently to you, as you, voluntarily tell them your innermost thoughts, secrets, deep hurts and dreams. They quickly assimilate from this what kind of camouflage to weave "for you". You basically tell them what to become, in order that they might hide who they really are from you... while erecting the man of your dreams right before your eyes. While they may not come over completely to your way of thinking about everything, they will agree with you on certain things that are very important to you. For example, if you have been abused in your life, they will assume the position of "protector" and will be a great empathizer regarding your pain, at least in the beginning...

You mentioned I am hard to read and sound mellow. i am heart broken - that is why i am mellow - abandonment took the spirit and spunkiness out of me.
When me and Ex N were together he was very mellow almost all the time and i was the lively one in comparison. But in general is was a calm relationship because he was not a fighter and not "hot blooded" which I can be....the push pull though made me anxious over time.
I think my mellow is just the grief process. I just can't believe he wants nothing to do with me!!! And the call I made in March was so weird too - neither of us got upset though we were both so clearly intensely strained....we both said we missed each other...we were nice to each other...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_manipulation

http://www.perilouslyprecocious.com/conditioned-emotional-responses

Ok. I've posted a series of threads. We broke up Friday. Got back together Sunday (yesterday). Had another argument tonight. Here's the details.

He changed his status on FB to 'single.' He kept toying with me about keeping it that way. I said...go ahead...but, then I'm single too. ;) He didn't like that. Of course!

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2011/04/10/michele115from-kgirl

It is suggested in the early stages of recovery that we use different strategies to get our anger out. Some have suggested we write a letter to the Narc but don't send it. I of course, was a very slow learner and kinda broke that rule a few thousand times....

Why not learn from this fool's mistake...DO NOT SEND THAT LETTER TO THE NARC...

Why not get it out here?

Please note: Do not use personal identifying information...but why not let it out in cyberspace...it's better than throwing the letter in the wastebasket and it's environmentally friendly!!

Hi Michele,

I feel like I am trying to diagnose something that may not be there! His therapist thinks he has "CPTSD" from his childhood and his "terrible marriage". But I think his therapist believes all of his exaggerations and hasn't caught on. Personally I think that his therapist is a narc too, so they have a lot in common. In fact, ever since my ex has been going to this guy, he has become even more "narc-y". :(

So who am I to judge?????

M

When I first realized that I was a victim of Narcissistic Abuse, I was already in the middle of and episode of PTSD but had no idea what or why I was in such a state. The abuse I experienced was so stealth, I found I could not articulate, but I also found I could not function.