Telling your story can be healing and validating, for you and for others. This is the place to do just that.
I discovered this song a few weeks ago and it's on my ever-growing playlist of "Narc" songs. I'm sure we can all relate or could at one time to this feeling of being addicted to the Narc, and it's come up in a few posts over the last couple days. I think Kelly Clarkson must have had a relationship with a Narc because I have a few of her songs on that playlist right now.
NARCISSISM SPEAK - NARCSPEAK
Narcissists say the strangest things... and we are often left scratching our heads -- trying to make sense of the senseless.
Remember, Narcissists are not normal. They don't think like we do. They don't speak normally either. Most of what they say is meant to confuse us, throw us off and manipulate us. They use backward-talk, projection, martyrdom and almost ALWAYS provoke us to respond in a manner they can then use against us. They are brilliant manipulators.
NarcSpeak is a huge red flag. If it happens more than once - you need to get out of the relationship - before you end up too brainwashed or too abused to think straight or function.
http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2010/03/19/emotional-manipulator-skilled...
Bumped up from a previous post...
Gaslighting: how it can affect Extreme Abuse survivors' recovery processes
by Kathleen A. Sullivan, MSW
http://naffoundation.org/Gaslighting.htm
What is gaslighting?
First stage: abuser-victim gaslighting attempts
Second stage: transitional period (from victim to survivor)
Third stage: peace, calm and rehabilitation
Fourth stage: abuser-public gaslighting attempts
What is gaslighting?
The best book I've found to-date, in understanding how to recognize the effects of gaslighting (and to protect myself from it) is The Gaslight Effect by by Dr. Robin Stern. In it, she explains how people who have strong difficulties with anxiety have a deep underlying need to control and manipulate others, to meet their needs and keep themselves safe.
Text from my narcissist or soon to be ex narcissist last night -
"I am a good man and good provider who already makes all the decisions. You should do as you are told and you have little right to argue with me."
Afterwards which he broke up with me yet again for not acting the way he wants me to act.
This isn't normal is it? Is this what a narcissist would say? Usually he throws a few nasty names in too.
This has been going on for the last 6 years, I'm trying to break free, but it's not easy :(
I FUCKING HATE HIM WITH MY WHOLE HEART! Bear with me. He did the whole hugging, chatting with neighbors bullshit again, after school. This was particularly painful because two of my old neighbors hugged him who knew what he'd done to my daughters and me. Then this afternoon, I went to a mom's house to get a massage, as she suggested that it might help my headaches, and she said, "I told my mom yestereday that I can see how you were drawn in by him, because he so personable, so charming, so likeable." He held my face into the mud when I tried to look at his phone.
Early on, I could not function...AT ALL
I could not:
Eat
Sleep
at one point TALK
I did not bathe on a regular basis - and that is not like me at all...I love a good shower, in fact I need one to loosen up and I need one before bed too...that went out the window for about a month - yes, I bathed but not daily...shhhhh don't tell anyone
Dishes piled up
Laundry forget about it...
Cat Box peeeeyoooo...stinky stinky
Fish tank...it's a miracle from heaven they survived!
it all went to hell...
and NOW Michele has one giant big mess and she feels better emotionally but now the body has decided to work against her...
BUT - the reality is, Michele can do a little bit each day but this is just so overwhelming for her...
Narcissists, Sex and Fidelity
The Somatic and the Cerebral Narcissist
By: Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/narcissistsexfidelity.html
Question:
Are narcissists mostly hyperactive or hypoactive sexually and to what extent are they likely to be unfaithful in marriage?
Answer:
Broadly speaking, there are two types of narcissists, loosely corresponding to the two categories mentioned in the question: the somatic narcissist and the cerebral narcissist.
Narcissists are misogynists. They hold women in contempt, they loathe and fear them. They seek to torment and frustrate them (either by debasing them sexually - or by withholding sex from them). They harbor ambiguous feelings towards the sexual act.
Whats this steps 1-3 forum ... steps 4-6 forum .... what happened to message boards ????
I can't say it's been especially 'hard' going NC today. I think because I recognize that what he and I had, was a facade. I say 'we,' because I don't think I really loved the guy, as I had thought. I think my notion of love truly is/was changing, from this ordeal.
Love, growing up...was always based on conditions. If I did this or that, I was received better. After my parents died, I hardly ever heard I love you, from my sister/BIL. I remember he would be harsh, controlling, and an overall asshole, and my sister would defend him by saying...'you know he loves you.' As a kid, you get a very twisted idea of what love really is, then.
Heard from him a few times in text, today. I turned my phone on just now...it was freeing to have it off.