Be wise - Be Smart - Be Well - Be You!
Pick your brain. In an effort to improve my own self, I pose the question - Have you specifically felt like you have been judged by someone? If so, was it what was said or was it how it was said, or perhaps was it name calling? I am trying to determine this fine line between telling someone the truth about circumstances vs. not saying anything at all for fear of sounding judgmental.
I specifically at times have felt judged by people...so many different instances in life, it would be hard to answer your question. In dissecting your question...what was said vs. how it was said vs. name calling?
In order to determine the fine line between telling someone the truth...
Truth is subjective it depends on who is telling it.
Ted Bundy's mother finds him lovable
The Narcs do see themselves as victims
The Lady sitting in the front church pew really does believe she's a good Christian...
When one speaks with the best intentions, and not acting off of a trigger I think people can really connect to the fact that it comes from the heart...and is not meant to be hurtful. If one's words do offend, there is always and opportunity to make amends - you can only be responsible for the efforts, not always the outcome...generally I think people can see clearly when amends are sincere and when they're just filler.
Stay true to yourself and rest will always be easy.
For me, rather than focus on whether or not I felt judged by someone, I try to focus on my actions and whether or not I've been guilty of judging others.
Before we can tell others the truth, we need to know where our own truth lies.
We can share our own truths with others, but there is a distinction between coming from a place of humbleness trying to ease others' pain, and judging.
My personal focus for self growth today is trying to be aware of the impact my words and actions may have on others.
Focusing on the buzzle of others is sometimes counter productive when trying to get in tune with the self. In the end we have only ourselves to live with - in the end, does it really matter what someone else thinks about you?
For me, the goal is to believe and know I'm awesome regardless of other people's hang ups or insecurities.
That is why for me, it was important to focus on whether or not I am guilty of judging others...a complete inventory of self is in progress...we are all human.
Be wise - Be Smart - Be Well - Be You!
I think you have it perfect. The key is to be aware of the impact of your words. If served up properly, with kindness and out of love and concern perhaps they will be received in a positive manner.
I am not interested in judging others but I just want to make sure for my own personal reference what exactly makes one feel like they are being judged. I just wanted some clarification.
Yes, I think it matters to a certain degree what others opinoins of you are. Not everyone of course, but as a humans we should have some accountablity and respect for ourselves and fellow humans man or woman. Its impossible to care about what every Tom Dick and Harry thinks, but I care what my family and friends think, hell I even care what my neighbors think. Caring about how I am perceived by others helps keep me in check to some degree. If I did not have anyone that I was accountable to, I would do and say anthing towards others - Oh I get it - that would make me a Narcissists!
I am my sister's keeper and she is mine.
It is said is developed by the age of seven...I'd debate that because I have a 13 year old who seems a bit lacking; however, I digress...
By a certain age, we have developed a sense of what is right and what is wrong.
Self confidence, self awareness and self esteem must always come from the self. Key word - self.
While it is equally important to be considerate and kind to others - hence your actions is what will form their opinion of you - their judgements so to speak. As long as your truth dictates you are operating from a good place - the opinions of others is irrevalent - in my opinion.
I care what my child thinks - but when I tell him he needs to go to bed at ten o'clock - he doesn't think too highly of me...I still feel good about me.
At one time in my life, I was highly sensitive about how others felt about me. That time is no longer...I know where I operate from - and whether someone thinks good of me or bad of me, I from this point forward choose to obtain validation from myself.
The rest is gravy...some will think good, some will think bad...in the end - it's what I think that matters.
Be wise - Be Smart - Be Well - Be You!
I am also sensitive to a certain degree of what others think, but not to the point where I have to seek their approval in order to make a decision; that would be opening myself up to manipulation. Having your son go to bed at a decent time may annoy him but I doubt it skews his vision of you as a mother or really cause him to have a low opinion of you. There are times in life when we have to make decisions based on what is best for us or our children and others opinions be damned. I was thinking more along the lines of we as women keep certain things to ourselves for fear of being judged. Which is why I asked the question in the first place? If you found out a friend,co-worker or sister was being seriously physically abused and you ask her why didn’t she say anything and she her response was because I did not want anyone judging me. Yikes!
There are so many psychological things that go on with that - shame, humiliation, brainwashing...stockholm syndrome - I think they call it something else now...ah yes, trauma bonding...
In a situation like that, as strongly as you feel the need to resuce, even the experts advise, you let the victim know you're there when they're ready as you can't rescue anyone who isn't ready to be saved.
Sometimes the victims will bond with their abuser no matter what and sell you out...they can't help it - they're not functioning mentally.
In that case, the only thing you can do is let them know you're there for them, until they come around.
I've spent both too much time worrying about others' judgments of me and also judging others. Life with an N led to a lot of that I think, when you're with someone who doesn't see win/win but only win/lose there's a lot of devaluing done on a regular basis.
I feel so much freer of that. And going through a divorce that most people couldn't understand helped me a lot in the not worrying about others judging me department.
Be wise - Be Smart - Be Well - Be You!
I think all of us are guilty to some degree of judging others without realizing it. I was trying to get some specifics down in order improve my own communications and be able to relay my thoughts and intentions better when having conversations.
If I May @ Michelle 115
Be wise - Be Smart - Be Well - Be You!
Ditchhisass...to add upon further reflection...
DitchHisAss
Yes, thats it
Be wise - Be Smart - Be Well - Be You!
The Age of Reason
Good Points
Be wise - Be Smart - Be Well - Be You!
Its very hard to admit you're being abused
Good stuff Michelle
Wholeagain
Wholeagain
Be wise - Be Smart - Be Well - Be You!