What would you do?

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#1 May 11 - 8AM
wacaet
wacaet's picture

What would you do?

When I got into my N's email and found out the truth, I emailed the OW, his wife and made a comment on the blog of an old girl friend of his that is a teacher overseas (his supply when he's in Asia) telling her everything but I did it anonymously. She just commented on it today, a month later she said:
"I just read some anonymous comments on this blog about the old boyfriend from Texas that true or not, will have to be dealt with. Why me Lord? It's such a pain"

Do I contact her again or just leave it alone? I think I should leave it alone but I HATE the idea of another woman being his victim. I don't think she even knew he was married because when he was over there, she blogged a lot about how they were waiting to have sex because they were going to get married. Then he D&D'd her and didn't talk to her again until the day after I found out, she drunk dialed him and he called her back, after over a year of NC (she blogged about it). Of course he told me she meant nothing to him. I found out about her through comments she'd made on his fb, I googled her name and found her blog early on but he said she was "just a friend" and "delusional" and thought it was funny that "a woman out there thinks I was going to marry her because I wouldn't sleep with her". He then admitted "I might have told her something like that as an excuse not to fuck her". (Why, oh why, did I fall for this man?)

May 11 - 1PM
findingmeagain
findingmeagain's picture

I would handle this with a

I would handle this with a long handle wooden spoon. I would probably tell her but keep it brief because it sounds like no matter what you do she probably will be sucked back in. i mean if you tel her she can't say you didn't tell her so.
May 11 - 8AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Reaching out to her , might

Reaching out to her , might be helpful in her healing! Poor thing. These assholes cause so much damage! Maybe you could send her the link to us. Hunter
May 11 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
wacaet
wacaet's picture

I thought of doing that, but

I thought of doing that, but if she's still under his spell, she might give him the information. I feel so sorry for her, reading her blog, I could tell he really did a number on her and she's a past victim of sexual abuse. He's such a fucker, he does not care one bit about who he hurts to fill his need.
May 11 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Given that she already has "trauma" issues

From rape, you've already left a hint but then left her wandering in a sense? Maybe keep it real brief - you can lead a horse to water, you cant make 'em drink it. You don't have to get into the sordid details... Maybe just a short note privately... RE: Your recent post on having to get to the root of things... Upon information and belief (*very important* don't want to 'slander' and it's slander absent a diagnosis) So and so is a narcissist. You may want to research this personality disorder in order to gain some clarity. That is about all I can offer, I do not wish to compare tales but hope that if you arrive at the same conclusion you find hope and healing. AND leave it at that...the same way we needed to roll up our sleeves and own this crap, you can tell someone something but they have to want to help themselves. That's just my opinion and I'm only saying this because she's a rape victim which comes with a lot of other traumatic baggage so from a moral standpoint, you might at least want to help in that respect as she could be injured tremendously if he triggered that again? I mean look at some of us who don't have that in our past? If that weren't the case, I'd say leave it be. Hugs!
May 11 - 7PM (Reply to #4)
wacaet
wacaet's picture

Thanks for all the advice...I

Thanks for all the advice...I did give her a LOT of information in the message I sent a month ago. Information she could actually follow up on (like his aff profile names) and that he is married (easily verified online, that's how I found out). I decided not to contact her again because the thought of doing so made me panic. It felt like letting him back in, somehow. I don't know how "under his spell" she is and I don't want him finding out I'm still thinking about him at all. I hope she will do her own research and go with her gut. I even explained to her how I felt god had been trying to show me and I refused to see and he had to show me by me getting into the email and finding out just how sick this man really is. I wish her the best but I just don't think I want to expose myself any further.