What the hell

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#1 Sep 3 - 3PM
Whattoexpect
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What the hell

Why would they tell you they don't want nothing to do with you, throw you out like a bag of trash, when they are dumping you, hug you ,say I'm sorry, then tell you "we'll talk" Is this an open door for them to try and come back?

Sep 4 - 4AM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

Absolutely

Stock P statement. They are always so sorry that they have hurt you because it was never their intention. I told him that intention without action, was just that, intention. Which is all in the mind. Also, the "can't we at least be friends, such a shame not to be after all this time and I miss talking to you" is another P's over used statement. Just another way of keeping the door open for future supply. My friend has repeatedly said that he always comes back when he needs solace in a safe harbour after all the destruction he has caused in someone else's life. This ship will not be in port next time. Dee x
Sep 4 - 1AM
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

I don't worry about mine

I don't worry about mine coming back. Ever. The last time he tried it, I let him know in no uncertain terms that he had violated my boundaries and NOT to do it again or he would be exposed to new wife about me, yes, his ten year affair during his second marriage. I'm sure wife 3 would be "pleased" to hear the truth since she knows nothing of me LOL! FEAR OF EXPOSURE OF WHOM THEY ARE, makes absolute certain they will never WANT to "visit" again! I don't want to live my life in fear of his contacting me, and the "hoping" stage has long been over with.
Sep 3 - 7PM
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I'm

afraid it will be left up to you to put an end to the madness. Mine would rage and say, "I'm done with this conversation." Never I'm done with this, period. They want to keep you on the hook in case the need you for something later.
Sep 3 - 4PM
prettypeeved
prettypeeved's picture

The ridiculous part is that

The ridiculous part is that in this way they give you all the power. They become so needy if you don't return, and keep coming back over and over again just to see if they can get a little bit more supply from you. My more recent musings on narcs being so insecure inside has also left me feeling considerably more confident. I can't help but feel like I'm now the one "winning" in this equation.
Sep 4 - 8AM (Reply to #39)
How could I
How could I's picture

So mine invites

So mine invites me to lunch every day NOT to spend time with me, but so that HE has someone to eat lunch with. You think?
Sep 4 - 8AM (Reply to #40)
Used
Used's picture

how could i

the answer is yes he does, they dont like to be alone..or look alone...he is useing you...if someone else came along more useful...he would be having lunch with them...for a narc to look as if he has nobody, is frightening for them..exn...will go anywhere with anyone,and i mean anyone...just not to look as if he is alone..
Sep 4 - 8AM (Reply to #41)
How could I
How could I's picture

Used

Used - Would I cause him more "harm" then if I just tell him no all the time? I was beginning to think - shoot, spend your money on me you jerk! LOL But I'd rather cause him mental pain - if that is possible, then financial pain! LOL
Sep 4 - 9AM (Reply to #42)
Used
Used's picture

how could i

well, i cant tell you what to do, but it depends on you,wether you are feeling ok ,or used...but speaking for my self...i wouldnt care about the money ...i just wouldnt do it at all...i could have what i wanted materially from narc, but i didnt cos i thought ..in his head i will owe him...and if you dont think narc is thinking this about you ,you are wrong.....one day he will throw that spending on you right in your face.....good luck. oh ,and i should have said if he ever gets a better offering ..he will drop you with a bang....
Sep 4 - 9AM (Reply to #43)
How could I
How could I's picture

Used

Problem here Used, is that he's my boss so I am stuck working with him. I am starting to get stronger, but it is so difficult. There are a few possible reasons why he keeps me hanging. 1. He is afraid I will quit my job and it would be bad for him if I left. 2. He doesn't want to eat alone or 3. He is acting as a typical Narc and is keeping me hanging. What ya think? As painful as it is, my eyes are open to his sickness and I know that he realized I am on to him.
Sep 4 - 9AM (Reply to #44)
Used
Used's picture

how could i

he doesnt want to eat alone thats my feeling...in what way is he keeping you hanging..are you involved with him? or is it work related...have you written your story?
Sep 3 - 3PM
monilove
monilove's picture

Yes! It is a trap

They don't want you until they don't have you. So they kick you out, dump you, treat you like crap and then when you're gone and they have a moment to realize that, then they want you back. They want you hanging on for dear life at all times. Trust me, it is a trap to keep you addicted and to keep their supply line open. You have a choice to be a doormat or not! Don't fall for it. Hugs Monique
Sep 3 - 6PM (Reply to #37)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

They want what they don't have...

Has anyone here seen Tchaikovsky's "Eugene Onegin" (based on the story by Alexander Pushkin)? It was also made into a movie starring Liam Neeson&Liv Tyler. Tatiana is in love with Eugene, people think they're a couple, she writes him a love letter... he publicly humiliates her, lecturing her in front of her friends about "maidenly reticence." He coldly rejects her. The story fast forwards to Tatiana... who's now been happily married for a couple of years to a prince. Her husband is praising her before his friends... and Eugene is there. When Tatiana is alone, Eugene declares his love;Tatiana reminds him she's married now. The opera ends with Eugene distraught. The ex-Psych prof did that whole scenario during the final D&D-he kicked me out (by refusing to be my senior thesis advisor), dumped me (the public cruel rejection, with me crying in front of everyone), treated me like cr@p, humiliated me by flaunting his live-in girlfriend.... and as soon as his girlfriend moved in, he was suddenly hoovering me. Suddenly, he was acting all NICE, wanting to know where I lived and my contact info (which I didn't give) I learned how to pull the doormat out from under him!
Sep 3 - 3PM
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

Whattoexpect...Confusion

I have been through this for almost 3 years now..even to the point that he changed his cell but when i did stop sending him an ocasional email asking how he was doing,he started sending me emails apologizing for the frirst time in 3 years after D & D...hE ALSO SENT ME 2 POEMS(AUDIO)TELLING HOW HIS LIFE WAS MESSED UP... I AM STILL NC...I think he never believed that i would totally stop all the contact with him...I think he is pretty lonely,when i saw him last time 2 years ago he had gained a lot of weight,and was always online hunting for supply...but most women on internet nowadays want a man with money and a six pack,and someone nice to talk to...he is pretty angry because his financial situation is very bad,his teenager daughter had a baby without a father and yes his life is a mess...and he suffers from depressions and mood swings...so now hw did stop his internet services,and sent me an email saying that he has a hotmail adres made just for me,so i can harass him when i feel like on his cellphone.I am still NC.They just want to know that they are still in our heads...He is but i am not telling him that,or anything at all...my silence is doing the talking...HUGHS

Aceonelady

Sep 3 - 3PM (Reply to #25)
Whattoexpect
Whattoexpect's picture

Oh trust me I will not

Oh trust me I will not contact this fool, but I really don't see him contacting me either
Sep 3 - 4PM (Reply to #28)
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

Whattoexpect...The Unexpected

Believe me,the way i have been abused by my exN,and the insults ,withdrrawing love,sex afection,silent treatment ,you name it...he changed his cellnumber ,called me leaving voicemails saying that he rather die than to ever talk to me again...in 2 years i got some nasty emails,very confusing phone calls...then,silence for a long long time...and then,boem!There he was again...believe me i never expected he would contact me...Like i said expect the Unexpected,and please do not try to make any sense of their behavior because we are normal and they are nuts.And mine is at another Continent...that says enough...

Aceonelady

Sep 3 - 4PM (Reply to #30)
Whattoexpect
Whattoexpect's picture

how long did you not hear

how long did you not hear from him before all this started
Sep 4 - 2AM (Reply to #35)
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

how long....Whattoexpect....

A month after i came back from Tulsa to Holland after being 2 months with him in the USA ...then totally NC from him,right after some emails....tyhen 2 years nothing and then,just 3 months ago i got apologies,poems(Audio),and an email telling me he has finished his internet services but is available on cellphone internet and has made anhotmail adres specially for me to harass him when i feel like it...yhen i got another email saying he has noticed i haven't send any email for a while and he was wondering...he also said he hopes things are going allright for me and for me to have a gooday.and he thanked me?!@#

Aceonelady

Sep 3 - 4PM (Reply to #31)
Anabelle
Anabelle's picture

don't fool yourself please...

don't fool yourself please... it seems like you really want him to contact you... hopefully by the time it happens, you will be happily married to a great guy and won't care about him at all
Sep 3 - 4PM (Reply to #32)
Whattoexpect
Whattoexpect's picture

Oh no i did not want him to

Oh no i did not want him to contact me, I hope that's not how it is coming across, I have read that they do but never really any time frames, I am already mentally prepared (I THINK ) if he ever decided, I always did the running after him , this is the first time I have not that's why I'm saying he probably won't contact me, because he never has in the past I always did it, but I reached my breaking point and i'm DONE!
Sep 3 - 4PM (Reply to #33)
Anabelle
Anabelle's picture

Sorry, I didn't mean it bad.

Sorry, I didn't mean it bad. I was convinced 2 days ago, that I was afraid of his call (anniversary day - A good excuse) But to be honest I wasn't afraid... I wanted a call... or hoped for one... I think it's a roller coaster until you recover, so it's somehow normal... But in the last days I bumped into several people telling me how bad I looked, how sad they were trying to reach me, but I avoided them, that I was forced and manipulated and let down at the end.... these are people hardly know me... it really made me think & cry. Plus stopped me wanting that call. For good.
Sep 3 - 4PM (Reply to #34)
Whattoexpect
Whattoexpect's picture

I didn't take it as a mean

I didn't take it as a mean statement or anything bad. The roller coaster is bad, but the more you play things back in your mind about all the things he did to you that you know are wrong the more the fog clears. I know it is hard I really do, and if he is looking like shit well hell good for him! Keep yourself up and together, don't let him win !
Sep 3 - 4PM (Reply to #29)
Whattoexpect
Whattoexpect's picture

sounds like they are all

sounds like they are all fruit cakes and well just STUPID, INCONSIDERAT JERKS!
Sep 3 - 3PM (Reply to #26)
Anabelle
Anabelle's picture

That's the whole idea... you

That's the whole idea... you don't even believe for a moment that he will after what happened... because normal people would never contact you again because of the shame... but.. he is not normal.... it always comes out of the blue...
Sep 3 - 3PM (Reply to #27)
Whattoexpect
Whattoexpect's picture

Maybe in that aspect he will

Maybe in that aspect he will be normal lmao and not contact
Sep 3 - 3PM
monilove
monilove's picture

Yes! It is a trap

They don't want you until they don't have you. So they kick you out, dump you, treat you like crap and then when you're gone and they have a moment to realize that, then they want you back. They want you hanging on for dear life at all times. Trust me, it is a trap to keep you addicted and to keep their supply line open. You have a choice to be a doormat or not! Don't fall for it. Hugs Monique
Sep 3 - 3PM
Used
Used's picture

YES

ONE FOOT IN THE DOOR STILL...WHAT A CHEEK REALY...DUMP YOU DEVALUE YOU ..CHEAT ON YOU...BUT THEY WILL TALK....YES ONLY WITH A FORKED TONGUE....THE SLIMEBAGS..
Sep 3 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
Whattoexpect
Whattoexpect's picture

So i will have to deal with

So i will have to deal with this ass again? is that waht your saying? Time to lay out the hunting trap!
Sep 3 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
Anabelle
Anabelle's picture

ice-ice-baby

HUGGING???? OK well... in this case... he went out to have some fun. IN 2 weeks time he will be back. Once he serves you cold and REALLY dumps you, there will be no hugging and we will talk. That would be an ICE cold experience... DONT fool yourself and let him back.
Sep 3 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
Whattoexpect
Whattoexpect's picture

I haven't heard from him in 2

I haven't heard from him in 2 months.
Sep 3 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
Anabelle
Anabelle's picture

You will. Time is nothing for

You will. Time is nothing for them....