WHAT HAPPENS?

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#1 Mar 1 - 3PM
bgirl
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WHAT HAPPENS?

So what happens when you have:
Worked the steps.
READ and watched everything and anything that I can access....
Posted on here, shared stories, offered support, challenged opinion. (I dare not post anything too personal as some people's black and white opinion add to my toxic self shame.)
Participated in therapy for 10 months...often up to three times a fortnight. (I am now being given the message that I really do just have to get over him.)
Enrolled in a course to try and keep my mind busy.
Contacted the Institute for Relationship Harm seeking assistance.

I am seriously not that much better...I am S L O W ! ! ! Also, perhaps the issue of NEVER knowing the feeling of love...prior to N...and also continuously trying, striving, working to be better, kinder, more caring, more understanding, smarter, less annoying so someone in the hope that someday they will be kind to you in return.....

What happens if you don't have the energy or the will or the desire to keep fighting.
What happens when you are sick of talking or thinking about all of this and you just know you are really not that significant in the big scheme of things.
There is honestly nothing I want for me out of this life.
I am here for my children because they need me. There is a big difference between the two!!
So is life really about enduring? Is that all there is?

Mar 4 - 3PM
Deidre40
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you are not suffering in

Mar 3 - 12PM
Dee30
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Bgirl

Mar 3 - 8PM (Reply to #42)
Maggster
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Dee

Mar 3 - 8PM (Reply to #41)
Maggster
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Dee

Mar 3 - 8PM (Reply to #40)
Maggster
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Dee

Mar 3 - 8PM (Reply to #39)
Maggster
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Dee

Mar 3 - 3PM (Reply to #36)
bgirl
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Well Dee...you know exactly

Mar 3 - 4PM (Reply to #38)
Dee30
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Bgirl! ur too sweet

Mar 3 - 4PM (Reply to #37)
walking_on_sunshine
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" kick ass international

Mar 3 - 7AM
SundaySmile
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Long winded response

Mar 3 - 3PM (Reply to #33)
bgirl
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WOW! What an amazing

Mar 3 - 8PM (Reply to #34)
SundaySmile
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we can share nose tissue

Mar 3 - 2AM
Journey
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bgirl, this thread really

Journey on...

Mar 4 - 4AM (Reply to #30)
bgirl
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Journey you are right about

Mar 4 - 3PM (Reply to #31)
Journey
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That's the way! It's so nice

Journey on...

Mar 3 - 12AM
ACgirl
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Hi Bgirl

Mar 4 - 4AM (Reply to #28)
bgirl
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ACgirl thank you :) You are

Mar 2 - 11PM
walking_on_sunshine
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Hi b, welcome back I think

Mar 2 - 11PM (Reply to #23)
bgirl
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:-) Guilty as charged...I'd

Mar 3 - 12AM (Reply to #24)
walking_on_sunshine
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relative judgements

Mar 3 - 2AM (Reply to #25)
bgirl
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Wished you all lived around

Mar 4 - 5AM (Reply to #26)
SundaySmile
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one place.........

Mar 2 - 8PM
Winter
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Oh, no, honey, of course no!

Mar 2 - 9PM (Reply to #19)
bgirl
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I hope u r right

Mar 2 - 10PM (Reply to #20)
TNR1
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Bgirl..what about a one on

Mar 2 - 11PM (Reply to #21)
bgirl
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:-/

Mar 2 - 7PM
Lookonthesunnyside
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bgirl, Im sorry you're

Mar 1 - 10PM
TheBird
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BIG HUGS

BGirl - Your post broke my heart. I have been there. TRUST ME! I have. Please keep coming here and keep posting. Also, I agree that MAYBE meds are a good idea. Like all the others, I am not a doctor or professional but you may just want to look into it. At one point in my life, I, too, had "given up". Nothing brought me joy. NOTHING. I was depressed everyday. (now I have ups and downs) I thought nothing good would ever come my way. I thought no one would love me. And yes, even close friends and family were having a hard time deal with me. It was sooooo bad. Meds were suggested, but I refused them. I didn't think they were for me. I finally realized that I couldn't go on living that way anymore and had to do something about it. There was a reason why I was talking it out. There was a reason why I was still alive. I finally dug deep ( I mean REALLY deep ) and did what I needed to to come up from rock bottom. We all may not know you, but we all TRULY CARE about you; so just know you are NOT alone. Your kids not only need you, the LOVE and WANT you around. If I was local, I'd come sit with you and hug you just so that you know you are not alone. HUGS
Mar 1 - 7PM
Deestarr
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Positive energies

Keep fighting bgirl! Sending positive energy your way.... I have days where I also think what's the point is life supposed to be this hard? I have a fantastic best friend ( who actually doesn't know any of this N world or what I'm going thru) but who is always there for me and we has a wonderful husband who would do anything for her. He 110% treats her like a princess. Even though I'm not ready to start a new relationship it gives me hope that there are genuinely nice people out there. I want to pass this information onto you. You mentioned that you don't go out socially much? Have you thought about joining a gym? Fantastic way to start feeling good about yourself? And you might meet some new people? Or perhaps joining another type of group with something you enjoy with like minded individuals? I have those day where all I want to do is crawl under a Rock and hide....... But I force myself to still go to work and even if I don't feel like being social able, being around people who are generally happy usually rubs off on me and I feel better. So maybe spending time with other people is what u need? I hope this helps. Keep believing that there is better things out there!! :)
Mar 1 - 6PM
jones
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Hi Bgirl, I am new to this

Hi Bgirl, I am new to this forum but I left my abusive husband a while ago. I will share with you what I have learned on my journey of healing. For you its going to be a longer journey because of your childhood abuse and control but please dont give up. **Your Health (this is where I started and am still working on) 1) get tested for the following: vitamin and mineral deficiency (most likely deficiency in B's and D which causes depression) female hormones (your hormones are most likely out of balance due to stress and need to be corrected) cortisol saliva test (this causes anxiety) thyroid advanced testing google: Dr Wilson adrenal fatigue and take his questionnaire womentowomen.com (to see about female hormones) dr christine northrup (female hormones she also has books/was on oprah may times) **Your Mind: you have been brain washed by your parents and your husband so you must clear your head and go back to your true self google: Steven Hassan website at 19 he was sucked into a cult after he broke up with his gf. He left with the help of his parents and a counselor. Since that time he has become an expert on counseling ex cult members. He has written two books which I would recommend you reading. One is 'combatting the cult mind control" I was able to get this one at my local library and he next one "releasing the bonds empowering people to think for themselves". He also has a video lectures on his website and on you tube which are good to. After reading the first book I have come to the realization that my husband is a mini cult leader and so is every one who is a N or a P. This is why it is so hard to leave a abusive relationship. Watch the movie: The Secret by Rhonda Byers (sp??) for positive thinking. Our healing will not happen overnight so we must be patient. Start a goal list take care :-)